rob@amber.UUCP (Rob Adams x5527) (03/24/89)
{Note to Ed. These were culled from comp.arch over the last
several days. I know it's a collection, I know it's too long,
and I know that it's only passing funny; I promise not to kill
Salmon Rushdie if you reject it. I maintained the spelling and
grammar from the original postings; YOU try running a spell checker
on this file!}
Alan Lovejoy (alan@pdn.nm.paradyne.com) wrote:
>It seems that *h*stone has become a standard infix/prefix for naming
>computer benchmarks. It might be interesting to collect a list of
>all the benchmarks whose names have this form, and to entertain
>suggestions for new, perhaps whimsical, benchmark names that would
>use this infix/prefix.
>Stoned Benchmarks:
>Whetstone (floating-point)
>Dhrystone (integer)
>Dhampstone (integer and floating-point)
>Rhealstone (real-time/tasking)
>"IO-stone" (there is an IO benchmark that uses -stone, but I forget its name)
>Suggestions for Stoned Benchmarks:
>An animation benchmark might be called the "Flhintstone" :-).
To which many others responded:
RhollingStone For benchmarking sound generation systems
Sahndstone For benchmarking silcon (get it, sand) chips
Soahpstone For measuring daytime cable tv usage
Flahgstone For benchmarking boolean operations
WhatStone? For statistical verification of psuedo randome
number generators
Rhosettastone Natural language translation benchmark
Whystone Asks the computer why bother a whole
bunch of times
Wherestone I dunno, turns the computer into a hairy stone
if the moon is full? (groan)
Captain Blighstone Does some sort of micro-mutiny
Sighstone Relates performance time to how bored the
operator is with doing benchmarks
Chrystone (crystone) The operator is *thouroughly* bored now
Sthystones (Stystnes) Show operator how messy insides of computer
is in relation to its speed
Ehverybodymustgetstone Tests the degree of nondeterminism in an
instruction set
BhlarneyStone For Benchmarking Vaporware!
Lhoadstone Benchmark that is a lhoad of <insert favorite
expletive here>
Firestone Where your mileage may vary :-)
Khidneystone Medical expert systems benchmark
Gallstone For evaluating medical diagnostic expert systems
Yhellowstone Simulates a "let-it-burn" policy on your
computer's memory
Lhivingstone Benchmark for anthropology in Africa
Hheadstone Benchmarking of defunct processes.
Shlyandthefamilystone Measures how "funky" your system is
WhatStone? The benchmark for voice recognition systems :)!
Cherrystone The number of novice roots users a machine can survive
BhlackStone Used to benchmark magic tricks
Schissorspaperstone A series of benchmarks that can be used to
prove any machine architecture superior
to any other
Mhilestone How many design revisions, i.e. laps around the
engineering department before the project collapses.
[ ... or is that millstone ?]
Sly and the Fhamily Stone Benchmark for soul music
GhallStones Measures audacity of claims by system engineers
or administrators or used-car salesmen
KhidneyStones Measures rate at which you get pissed off by
vendors or administrators or used-car salesmen
(right now running at about 7 KS)
Shandstone A benchmark of the raw electrical performance
of the silicon used in the processor chips
Stihcks&stone Benchmarks the number of bad things you can say
about the operating system per second
Ehstone How many Canadians, like, worked on the system, eh?
Thunderstone Measures floating-point speed by simulation of
falling meteors
Touchstone Resolution test for touch/screen sensors
Standingstone Benchmark by iterated astronomical calculations.
Phase-of-moon dependent. Requires operator to
wear animal skins.
Lhimestone Extent to which purchase of system leaves sour taste
in customer's mouth
Shoapstone Measures how clean design is
Bhlarneystone Rigorous test of Irish computing systems
Bhlackstone Checks magic numbers of files
Ghallstone Rigorous test of medical systems
Hharrystone Tests whether an input voice pattern is Mel Torme's
Swhordinthestone Finds the Once and Future computer architecture
Rhhinestone Tests for cheap flashy computer architectures
Fhirestone Number of lazy, good for nothing, goldbricks which
can be laid off upon installation of a computer system.
There are two accepted pronounciations:
fa-hire-stone (as in I am)
or fire-stone (as in you are)
Stonestone Relative merit of smoke
Brought to you by:
Leonard T. Armstrong
Dave Binette
Donald C. Currie
Myron Deale
Akash Deshpande
Kevin Ferguson
Robert Firth
Steve Fowler
Robert Garvey
Don Gillies
Kim L. Greer
John Hogg
Steve Melvin
Tom Merkel
Scott Neugroschl
David Newton
Daryl Odnert
Robert M. Panoff
Gary Piatt
Renu Raman
Eric S. Raymond
Rick Richardson
Warren Seltzer
Jim Shankland
Neil Weinstock
Ed Wright
and
Devin_Ben-Hur@cup.portal.com
----
Rob Adams
Interleaf, Inc.
Cambridge, MA
rob@ileaf.com
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
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