mcb@mica.berkeley.edu (Michael C. Berch) (03/29/89)
These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
_Chronicle_ Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.
I also violated the one-joke-per-submission rule, since these really
all go together as a whole. Have fun.
Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
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>From the San Francisco _Chronicle_ Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
"'The Satanic Verses' -- Comics Laugh It Off"
(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." --Don Stevens
[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party" --Fred Reiss
"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
reward. For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to
go after him." --David Feldman
"If Rushdie's book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit
edition of the Koran." --Johnny Carson
[Shaking his head] "...and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway
carries pork." --Bob Lacey
[Answering machine tape] "We're not here right now; we've gone to
England to kill Salman Rushdie." --Alex Reid
"I translated 'The Satanic Verses' into Spanish, and now there's a
10 million-peso price on my head. What an insult; I"m worth more than
a nickel." --Jose' Simon
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
I reply to all submissions, but about 30% of the replies bounce.