gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener) (04/03/89)
The following memos were reprinted in SPY magazine a few months back. I've edited them down to just the pertinent parts. ----- RUDOLF GIULIANI: PROSECUTOR AS PARTY POOPER The following five memos reprinted below were all circulated in Rudolf Giuliani's Manhattan office last summer. Memo #1: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo memo writing staff. M E M O R A N D U M Date: June 14, 1988 From: The Boat Ride Committee Re: The Summer Boat Ride To: All Staff and Summer Students The Summer Boat Ride will be on Monday, July 18, from 7-11, PM. Boarding begins at 6:30 PM at Pier 62 at 23rd Street. etc..... Memo #2: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo writing staff. M E M O R A N D U M Date: July 13, 1988 From: The Boat Ride Committee Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride To: All Staff and Summer Students We are once again oversubscribed for the summer boat ride by more than 100 people. We therefore need your help in reducing the number of attendees. If you signed up for the boat ride but now know that you cannot attend, _or_ if you no longer plan to bring a guest, _or_ if, given our oversubscription problem, you generously decide not to bring a guest, please inform Mildred Miles as soon as possible. Your cooperation is most appreciated and will help us avoid more drastic means to reduce attendance. At the time of boarding, we will have to check attendance, which is limited to those persons who submitted RSVP forms by no later than July 11. etc... Memo #3: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo writing staff. M E M O R A N D U M Date: July 15, 1988 From: The Boat Ride Committee Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride To: All Staff and Summer Students Because we have not been able to solve our oversubscription problem for the summer boat ride, we unfortunately will have to cut back on the number of guests at the event. We regret that we will only be able to accomodate spauses or "significant others" of staff. Please do not bring as guests anyone but a spouse or "significant other." In addition, using other people's RSVP's as a means of getting friends on board will not be permitted. Only those people who submitted RSVP forms by July 11 will be allowed to board the boat. We will be checking attendance that night, so please bring office ID's with you to the boat ride. To avoid embarrassment for yourself or others, please abide by these request. We thank you for your cooperation in solving this difficult overcrowding problem. Memo #4: Written by an anonymous parodist in Giuliani's office and circulated as if written by the U.S. Attorney's official memo writing staff. M E M O R A N D U M Date: July 15, 1988 From: The Boat Ride Committee Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride To: All Staff and Summer Students. Some confusion has apparently arisen concerning the precise meaning of the term "significant other", as expressed in today's previous memorandum about authorized attendees at the boat ride. By "significant other," we mean truly significant others, i.e., persons with whom you have slept within the past month. Lest further confusion arise as a result of this classification, let us go further into defining our terms. By "slept with", we mean sexual relations, including but not limited to sexual intercourse and oral sex. Only those others who satisfy this definition of "significant" will be allowed to board the boat. To avoid embarrassment for yourself and others, you and your guest should be prepared to respond truthfully to questions concerning the nature and degree of your intimacy. We thank you for your cooperation in our efforts to solve the problem of overcrowding at this year's boat ride. Memo #5: Written by U.S. Attorney Rudolf Giuliani himself. M E M O R A N D U M Date: July 15, 1988 From: Rudolf Giuliani To: The entire office Apparently the office was circulated today with a memo concerning Monday's boat ride that may have been intended as humor or as a practical joke. It was neither humorous nor a joke. In fact, it was distasteful and upsetting to many. Everyone in the office can appreciate someone with a sense of humor. I hope that the person who sent this will understand that this message was out of bounds and offensive. It ought not to have been done and under no circumstances is it or anything like it to be repeated. Fair warning. ---- Gabe Wiener Columbia University -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. Remember: If you POST your joke instead of mailing it, I will not reply.