wendell@ihlpa.on.ca (Wendell J Wilcox +1 312 979 2073) (06/01/89)
This is a paradoy ad that appeared in the Chicago Reader. The Reader is Chicago's underground paper. AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PUBLIC Hi there, On March 24, in the wee hours of the morning, mistakes were made in the waters of Prince Willaim Sound, way up someplace in Alaska. By now you all know that our tanker, the Hexxon Valdez, was hit by a treacherous submerged reef that made us lose 240,00 barrles of vaulable oil into the uncooperative waters of the Sound. We could sue that reef if we wanted to, but that's not Hexxon's style. Instead we are keeping our fingers crossed that this whole thing will blow over in a matter of weeks. Sure, there will be disgusting pictures of filthy birds, fish and other unsavory wildlife. But I hope that you know Hexxon has already commited several hundred people to hose off those stubbord otters that still happen to be alive. Finally, and most importantly, I want you to believe how sorry I am that this incindent has occured. We cannot, of course, undo what has been done. Only God can do that, and He caused the whole damn thing in the first place. But I can assure you that since March 24, this little "in in the drink" problem has been receiving our full attention, and and will continue to do so until youu forget about the whole thing. Thanks for your continued support. We couldn't do it without you. Keep on pumpin' L.G. Crawl Chairman P.S. To those of you who suggested that we Hexxon executives should be forced to go to Alaska and scrub those oily rocks ourselves, not returning until the job is done, no matter how long it takes, we simpply say this: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE ARE RICH AND POWERFUL BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to topical@looking.ON.CA