mkathry@hubcap.clemson.edu (Kathy Moore) (07/12/89)
APPLICATION TO LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA
Name:________________ Nickname:______________ CB Handle:_____________
Address: (RFD):________________________________________________________
Daddy: (If unknown attach list of three suspects):_____________________
Mamma:_______________________________
Neck Shade: ( ) Light Red ( ) Medium Red ( ) Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper:______ Lower:________
Name of Pickup Owned:______________ Height of truck:__________
Truck Equipped with:
( ) Gun Rack ( ) 4-Wheel Drive ( ) Confederate Flag ( ) Toothpick Holder
( ) 8-Track ( ) Load of Wood ( ) Hijacker Shocks ( ) Mud-grip Tires
( ) Big Dog ( ) Racoon Hide ( ) Dual CB Antenna ( ) Fuzz Buster
( ) Spitoon ( ) Camper Top ( ) Mag Wheels ( ) Air Horns
( ) Mud Flaps
Number of Empty Beer Cans on Floor Board of Pickup:_________
Bumper Stickers:
( ) Eat More Possum ( ) Peanut Butter ( ) Honk if You Love Jesus
( ) Wave if You're Horny ( ) Redman Chewing Tobacco
Define the following (Must be 90% correct):
( ) Grits ( ) Muscadine ( ) Cobbler ( ) Tater
( ) Goobers ( ) Brogans ( ) Fatback ( ) Pig Skins
( ) Collards ( ) Redeye Gravy ( ) Tote ( ) Pinto Beans
( ) Sidemeat ( ) Sawmill Gravy ( ) Poke ( ) Turnip Salit
( ) Chitlins ( ) Soppin Syrup ( ) Cracker ( ) Shit-on-Shingle
( ) Ramps
Favorite Vocalist:
( ) Donna Fargo ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Loretta Lynn ( ) Hank Williams
( ) Elvis ( ) Slim Whitman ( ) Tammy Wynette ( ) Porter Wagoner
( ) Johnny Cash ( ) Willie Nelson ( ) George Jones ( ) Box Car Willie
Favorite Recreation:
( ) Square Dancin' ( ) Possum Huntin' ( ) Skinny Dippin'
( ) Craw Daddin' ( ) Gospel Singin' ( ) 4-Wheelin'
( ) Drankin' ( ) Bull Chip Throwin' ( ) Blue Grass Conventions
( ) Spitten' backy ( ) Other
Weapons Owned:
( ) Deer Rifle ( ) Bird Gun ( ) Varmit Rifle ( ) Sawed-off Shotgun
( ) Tire Iron ( ) Pick Handle ( ) Log Chain ( ) Power (chain) saw
Number of Hound Dogs:___ Type: ( ) Blue Tick ( ) Black & Tan ( ) Beagle
Emblem: ( ) John Deere ( ) CAT ( ) Budweiser ( ) McCullock Chain Saw
( ) PBR ( ) NAPA ( ) Coors ( ) Skoals
Number of Weeks Unemployed:_____ Number of Welfare Checks Received:_____
Number of Dependents (Legal):______ (Claimed):______
Memberships:
( ) KKK ( ) NRA ( ) Moose ( ) PTL Club ( ) VFW ( ) American Legion
( ) Bass Club ( ) United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
Length of Left Leg:______ Length of Right Leg:______
Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color,
Primer Red?______
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?______
How many kitchen appliances (working or not) will you keep on your front
porch?______
Will you be a part of the West Virginia Intelligentsia with a measurable
IQ?______
Do you wear mostly double knit polyester pants with snags?______
Do you own any shoes, if so how many? ______
What year did you last purchase shoes? ______
Are you married to any of the following?
( ) Sister ( ) Cousin ( ) Sow Do you know her name? ______
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?______
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?______
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?______
Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on? ______
To 21 with your fly up? ______
Medical Information:
Do you have at least 2 of the following:
( ) BO ( ) Crabs ( ) Head Lice ( ) Bad Breath
( ) Scabies ( ) Trench Mouth ( ) Runny Nose
Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?______
Have you EVER had more than one bath in a week? ______
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Kathy Moore mkathry@hubcap.clemson.edu
Clemson University gatech!hubcap!mkathry
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.