jcj@apexepa.UUCP (John Juback) (07/19/89)
Last night, while grocery shopping, I found a rather unusual item on the shelves. After filling my basket with Stouffer's Yuppie Chow, I strolled down the cereal aisle, where I saw several boxes of a substance labeled "Nintendo Cereal System." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all, cartoon characters have been "endorsing" cereals for years, so why shouldn't Super Mario Brothers get into the act? I see tremendous potential here. What better way for an organization with a sociopolitical agenda to infiltrate the minds and stomachs of Americans than to deliver its message at the breakfast table? I have seen the future of public relations, and it is the gastronomic equivalent of a "sound bite." I, for one, would rather sit down to a bowl of whale-shaped granola than receive another one of those envelopes from Greenpeace marked "Animal Rights Survey Inside---Please Complete and Return Within Ten Days." Not surprisingly, I have a few ideas: Golden Graham-Rudmans The key to a balanced diet. Need I say more? Special KKK Even white supremacists need their minimum daily requirement of riboflavin. Try it with some grits. Sugar Frosted Fetuses The pro-choice cereal. Stays crunchy in milk (or saline solution). Anti-abortionists will have to make do with a box of Life. Mothers Against Send in three proof-of-purchase seals and Drunk Driving Oats receive a free breathalyzer. Rifle Krispies Specially marked boxes contain armor-piercing bullets. Cereal doesn't kill people. People kill people. Rocky Tobacco Road Brought to you by the tobacco industry, this is the only cereal that simultaneously satisfies your cravings for chocolate and nicotine, so light up a bowl for breakfast. Also available in menthol. Khokhomeini Puffs Some third world marketeer could capitalize on this idea in the aftermath of the demise of everyone's favorite mullah. Woe be to the infidels who fail to start their day with a bowl of little chocolate ayatollahs! Free "Death to America" decal inside! In case you're wondering, I picked up a box of Product 19. As far as I can tell, it's the only cereal named after a prime number. jcj -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.