mm@cloud9.Stratus.COM (Mike Mahler) (12/10/89)
Relayed-by: lightnin%wpi.wpi.edu@relay.cs.net (Derek G Bacon)
1976 Buick Electra 225 "Deuce and a Quarter" available for purchase!
(also affectionately known as "Car from HELL!"
"The Nimitz"
"Land Yacht"
"Das Boat"
"The Terminator"
"La Machine"
"Tank"
"6000 SUX"
CO-OP'ers who need a car...Parents of students who don't want
their car borrowed any longer...Yuppie Sports Car owners who
need a reliable winter car...People who need a second house and
don't want a second mortgage!
With this "car" you get:
o "Engine from HELL" - 455 BIG BLOCK cubic inches
worth of pure Toyota crunching power. Why move your
belongings when you can tow the whole house to a new
location? (Tuned to perfection with lots of TLC and
money. Currently 150000 miles with no sign of letting up.
Probably another 100000 miles left in it.
Will out run Lincolns, Caddy's and some BMW's.
Will run over Hyundai's, Yugo's and Honda's.)
o "Transmission of choice" - the famous Turbo-400
3 speed automatic commonly used in off road truck
races installed in this rolling brick wall for your
snow driving pleasure. Fluid clean and fresh with
recent change and filter/gasket. Excellent condition.
o Posi-Traction Rear End. Getting stuck in snow is
impossible. I know, I've tried. PLUS, you get (2)
PIRELLI (only the best) STUDDED SNOW TIRES (in
excellent shape) which makes possible to actually
pull out other cars (houses, boats, Stealth bombers)
that are stuck.
o "Horn from HELL". Commands respect INSTANTLY.
Incredible simulation of the train from "Green Acres".
o POWER driver seat. It moves forwards. It moves
backwards. It goes up, it goes down. It tilts,
it slants. It slices, it dices. Hey, It WORKS!
o POWER steering. You'll need it. (Invested $30.00
and lots of sweat).
o POWER brakes. Maintained to perfection by myself
for the safety of others. (Invested over $200.00).
o POWER windows. They all work!
o POWER door locks. They all work!
o POWER. Just that. POWER. The POWER to move.
The POWER to drive in Boston and not care where
you park or if someone's already in YOUR spot
(gives the "Boston bump" a whole new meaning).
The POWER to intimidate NY cab drivers (who can
pass up THIS opportunity) because you DON'T CARE!
o CHUTZPAH. You can do things in this car that until
now you could only flip the bird at other drivers
for doing because you WON'T CARE. You'll command
the road and be the leader at any traffic light.
o COMFORT. With the new shocks and suspension parts
I've put it at ENORMOUS personal sacrifice this baby
really cruises safely down the highway.
o RELIABILITY. My Toyota was in the shop more often.
Doesn't need one bit of work. Get in and drive and
be driven. I've done all the work so you don't have to.
o NEW: rear tires (fronts in great shape), radiator,
thermostat, distributor cap/rotor, ignition wires,
plugs, rebuilt carb, filters, brake pads, brake calipers,
brake fluid, headlights (brights are Halogen yet) and
exhaust system.
o Garage Floor Gray exterior (easily retouched - one gallon
does the car TWICE), Ratty Red interior (did I mention
the really gnarly power seat?).
Be the first on your block to have a car the size of your block!
Currently getting 14 miles per gallon and 11 with 8 people in
the car (COMFORTABLY!)!
Passed inspection in January (in fact, the emissions was
75% BELOW the allowed limit for that year. That could be
changed however to meet your personal requirements).
Invested over $1000.00 and MANY weekends. Yours for $750.00
or BRO (no dreamers please).
"Real Ugly and built to stay that way".
Contact Mike at xxx-xxx-xxxx (check out the funky answering machine).
or send email (whatever path floats your land boat).
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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