tj@mks.UUCP (Trevor John Thompson) (08/02/90)
I would like to dispel some wild theories recently posted to this group, concerning the behaviour of shower curtains, coat hangers, and socks. I don't know where Christian has been all these years (in a dark cave, with coat hangers?), but modern science has fully elucidated these ``mysteries'', and the results are quite well known. In case there are others as ill-informed, I report the results here. Shower Curtains: It is true that shower curtains are an alien life form, but their relationship to humans is a mutually beneficial symbiosis. People are totally unaware, today, of the danger of showering without a curtain. Before the benign ``invasion'' of shower curtains, however, many lives were tragically lost. What happens is that as water passes through the shower head, it acquires a static electric charge. Over the course of a single shower, this charge can build up to dangerous levels, until it is released in a violent discharge between shower head and showerer. This discharge (actually a miniature lightning strike) can cause cardiac arrest, and death. The shower curtain, by making occasional contact with the showerer, harmlessly dissipates the accumulated charge. It has been recently determined that the curtain itself derives some sort of sexual pleasure from the contact. However, the precise role of this behaviour in the curtain reproductive cycle is still unknown. Coat Hangers: Christian's speculations about the possible relationship between coat hangers and socks are particularly amusing in light of the well known fact that the larval form of the coat hanger is the paper clip. It is a zoological curiosity that in this species both the larval and adult forms are sexually active. Socks: It is now well understood that the spin cycle of a washing machine can create quantum black holes, which connect via wormholes to black holes at other points in the universe. There was alarm and confusion in the scientific community when the SACHS study concluded that some wormholes might connect to *other* universes, where modern washday miracles have not been developed. This would imply a net outflow of socks from this universe, and a gradual unravelling of the fabric of space-time. There were suggestions that people might have to wear their socks until they rotted off, or wear no socks at all! More recent computer simulations show that the SACHS concerns were overstated, and support the conjecture that if socks are made distinguishable left from right, then parity conservation requires that they both remain in the same universe. This result is supported by experiments with sneakers, which are observed never to disappear from the wash. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@looking.on.ca Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@looking.on.ca