matt@jove.cs.pdx.edu (Matt) (08/04/90)
-=> THE JESSE HELMS TRIBUNE <=-
LABORATORY RATS COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER LISTENING TO JUDAS
PRIEST'S "MUSIC"
PHOENIX AZ.- Scientists have discovered a tendancy for lab rats
to commit suicide after being exposed to the Judas Priest album
"Sin After Sin." During the tests rats were provided with two
piles of cheese. One pile was normal cheese. The other pile was
laced with rat poison and had a sign above clearly indicating the
consequences of eating from that pile. After just three playings
of the album at a volume of 130 decibels, a stunning 50% of the
rats had consumed a fatal dose of cheese from the rat poison
pile. After 10 playings almost 90% of the rats were dead. By
the time the album had been played 23 times all the rats in the
experiment had commited suicide.
The test used 1013 rats and was funded by the plaintiffs
in the Judas Priest suicide trial currently underway in Arizona.
The results of this experiment were immediately rushed to the
Parent's Music Resource Committee headquarters in Washington
D.C.. The results will be presented to congress by the PMRC on
Friday in an effort to fund a $75 Million followup to this
experiment testing the effects on rats of the music of Ozzy
Osbourne, Metallica, Black Sabbath, W.A.S.P., Blue Oyster Cult,
Aerosmith, Megadeath, Motley Crue, 2 Live Crew, Ratt, Twisted
Sister, Mentors, Woody Guthrie, and other controversial heavy
metal bands.
- Matt Logan -
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