ken@aiai.edinburgh.ac.uk (Ken Johnson) (09/29/90)
_A_n_a_r_c_h_y You steal a doughnut.
_A_s_c_i_i o Doughnut. * Squashed doughnut. _ Very
squashed doughnut.
_B_i_f_f HEY! THIS DOHGNUT J0KS ARE PRITY FUNY
I"VE NEVER HERD THEM BEFOUR,, I L1KE
DOUGHUNTS BECOS THERE ALL SUGARRY.
_B_r_i_t_i_s_h _R_a_i_l All doughnuts subject to delay and
cancellation due to, etc.
_B_u_d_d_h_i_s_m God is a doughnut, and God is not a
doughnut.
_B_u_r_e_a_u_c_r_a_c_y The State takes your doughnut away and
then refuses to let you buy another
doughnut because you already have one.
_C_a_p_i_t_a_l_i_s_m You buy a doughnut.
_C_a_t_h_o_l_i_c_i_s_m The priest blesses the doughnut and you
mustn't chew it.
_C_h_r_i_s_t_i_a_n_i_t_y I was hungry, and ye gave me a
doughnut.
_C_h_u_r_c_h _o_f _E_n_g_l_a_n_d You know, in a very real sense, God is
a doughnut.
_C_o_m_m_u_n_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut.
_C_o_n_f_u_s_c_i_a_n_i_s_m Confuscius he say doughnut.
_C_r_i_c_k_e_t Thanks to Mrs Emily Crunge of
Lanarkshire for sending me these
delicious cream doughnuts. I don't
think there's been a >chomp< doughnut
article quite like this since Flapjack
posted one for the West Indies in 1823,
and he >chew< went on to win the series
by four wickets. He was left-handed, of
course; I don't know if that made a
difference.
_D_H_S_S You can't have a doughnut, and even if
you could, you'd have to give it all
back straight away.
_D_a_v_i_d _O_w_e_n When I was Foreign Secretary I would
have dealt with, etc.
_D_i_c_t_a_t_o_r_s_h_i_p Buy a doughnut, or else.
_D_o_u_g_l_a_s _A_d_d_a_m_s Doughnuts are actually an alien life
form from a distant, etc.
_E_d_i_n_b_u_r_g_h _F_e_s_t_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a
doughnut.
_E_d_w_i_n_a _C_u_r_r_i_e Doughnuts are infected with salmonella,
tarantella, cinderella, valpolicella,
winecella, rockefella, umbrella etc.
_E_u_n_e_t._j_o_k_e_s What's brown, soft and sticky? ^L Give
up? ^L A doughnut.
_E_u_r_o_p_e_a_n The State pays for a doughnut and the
EEC pays you to eat it.
_F_a_n_t_a_s_y Just when you were about to starve you
find a doughnut.
_F_a_s_c_i_s_m The storm-troopers eat your doughnut
and shoot you.
_F_e_m_i_n_i_s_t Wimmin, doughnut, repressed, sisters,
male dominated, etc.
_F_o_l_k _s_o_n_g `Doughnut forsake me, oh my darling!'
_F_o_o_t_b_a_l_l 'Ere we dough, 'ere we dough, 'ere we
dough, 'ere we dough, etc.
_F_u_n_d_a_m_e_n_t_a_l_i_s_m Doughnuts are an abomination unto the
Lord, etc.
_G_l_y_n_d_e_b_o_u_r_n_e _F_e_s_t_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a doughnut
and then listen to her sing a song
about it.
_H_a_c_k R.I.P. ken 225 Au killed by a doughnut.
_H_e_a_l_t_h _F_a_r_m You don't eat a doughnut.
_I_s_l_a_m The religious police beat you up and
chop your hands off.
_K_i_n_n_o_c_k Doughnuts are down 50% in real terms
over the doughnuts produced during the
last Labour government, etc.
_L_a_b_o_u_r _P_a_r_t_y _S_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, only
there aren't any, and it's all the
Tories' fault.
_L_i_b_e_r_a_l_s Doughnuts are 50% the same in real
terms as the doughnuts produced during
the last Labour government, etc.
_L_o_c_a_l _C_o_u_n_c_i_l You can have a doughnut, if you pay the
right people.
_L_o_n_d_o_n _T_r_a_n_s_p_o_r_t Doughnut alight while bus is in motion.
_L_o_o_n_y You are a doughnut. I am a doughnut. I
am not a doughnut.
_M_a_r_x_i_s_m The State takes your doughnut away and
gives it to someone who hasn't got a
doughnut.
_M_i_s-_s_p_e_l_t U bi er donut an u eet itt.
_N_H_S There's a two-year waiting list for
doughnuts, but of course if you were to
buy one privately you could have it
tomorrow.
_N_o_t_t_i_n_g _H_i_l_l _C_a_r_n_i_v_a_l You watch someone else steal a doughnut
and then the police come along and nick
him.
_O_l_i_g_a_r_c_h_y You can have a doughnut, if you know
the right people.
_P_e_n_t_e_c_o_s_t_a_l_i_s_m You feed a crowd of 5000 people on one
doughnut.
_P_o_e_t_r_y You are/a doughnut./I am/a doughnut./I
am/not/a doughnut.
_R_e_a_l_i_t_y Just when you were about to starve you
didn't find a doughnut.
_S_c_o_t_t_i_s_h _N_a_t_i_o_n_a_l_i_s_t Ye ken aboot doughnuts? It's cos of
they bastard English, that's why, an'
fuck off the noo.
_S_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State gives you a doughnut.
_S_o_u_t_h _A_f_r_i_c_a_n Dese is for whites only. You bleks get
a dog biscuit.
_S_o_v_i_e_t _C_o_m_m_u_n_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, only
there aren't any.
_S_t_a_l_i_n_i_s_m The State takes your doughnut away,
eats it, and tells you that they gave
it to someone who hadn't got a
doughnut.
_S_u_n_d_a_y _S_p_o_r_t Killer Doughnuts on Spanking Sex
Panties Rampage at North Pole
_S_w_i_m_m_i_n_g Blug blug blug blug fluffle doughnublug
blug.
_T_a_m _D_a_l_y_e_l_l The `Belgrano' was steaming on a
bearing 260 degrees, etc.
_T_h_a_s_c_i_s_m You sell a doughnut and buy a bigger
doughnut.
_T_h_a_t_c_h_e_r Doughnuts are up 50% in real terms over
the doughnuts produced during the last
Labour government, etc.
_T_r_a_d_e_s _U_n_i_o_n _s_o_c_i_a_l_i_s_m The State sells you a doughnut, and you
go on strike.
_U_n_i_x Sticky bit not set.
_W_a_d_d_i_n_g_t_o_n_s Doughnut! The new, amazing, fantastic
game for all the family!
_W_e_l_s_h _N_a_t_i_o_n_a_l_i_s_t Onid oes chwarae maesteg doughnut
llanfairpwll defaid.
_W_i_n_e _W_e_e_k_l_y A fine, well-rounded doughnut with an
amusing jam after-taste
_Z_e_n What is the sound of one doughnut
clapping?
_Z_i_m_b_a_b_w_e_a_n Dese is for blacks only. You whites get
beat up.
--
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