durway@dg-rtp.dg.com (Lindsey Durway) (10/12/90)
Dear Brad,
With permission of the author, Terry Smith, I'm submitting his
description of a practical joke that he and a friend played on
another friend as a birthday gag. It's the funniest thing I've
read in a long time (all true). If you want to verify with Terry,
he is accessible on the net at: sastks@unx.sas.com.
Lindsey Durway
------CUT HERE------
The following account describes a practical joke played on a friend for
his 40th birthday. The submission comes from the narrator, Terry Smith.
Paul is Terry's partner in crime, while Mark is the poor sot having the
birthday. This really happened.
Minneapolis. Saturday.
11:00 AM - My friend Paul and I walk down the street in front of
Mark's house. We are wearing surgical pants & shirt,
stethoscopes, weird translucent masks, and yellow plastic
fedoras. I am carrying a boom box playing the theme from
"The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly." We are looking at a map
as though lost in this quiet, suburban neighborhood, yet
we do not ask Mark for directions. He is watching his baby
play in the yard as we pass. He stares, says nothing.
12:30 PM - Mark is sent to the grocery store. We are there, same
costumes, same music. But this time, we have small hand
mirrors. We flash signals at him from across the parking
lot as he walks into the store. He stares, does nothing.
While he is in the store, we place a handwritten note
under his windshield wiper. It says "Today is your
Day, Leviticus 9:14." . A woman drives past and tells
us we look like gynecologists. We disappear.
2:00 PM - Mark, wife, and kid go to furniture store. Guess who shows
up? Right, us. Since we want to move in closer now, we
wrapped our faces completely in white gauze. We get very
very close, invading his personal space as he tries to
walk down the sidewalk with his family (his wife is in
on the whole thing). We do not talk - instead we make
small noises that sound like TWEET TWEET. We have tags
on our shirts that say "Burn Victims". Paul holds an
international picture communication book in Mark's face;
he points at a picture of a man playing golf. Mark is
very annoyed, but responds "So you want to play some
golf?" We say TWEET TWEET and nod our bandaged heads.
They all get in the car and drive away. Paul and I
stand silently next to the car as they exit.
"The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly" stings the ears of
innocent bystanders.
3:30 PM - Mark's wife has made dinner reservations at a French
restaurant. Paul & I go there and speak with the mgr
and tell him our plan: they buy the whole thing and
agree to cooperate in full.
7:00 PM - Mark and guests arrive dressed for a fancy dinner.
As they are seated, they notice a boom box in the corner.
It is playing the same weird music as earlier. Mark
doesn't seem to notice. He orders soup, gets it, and
discovers a bloody band-aid floating in it. He calls
the waiter (Rolf), and Rolf apologizes and goes to get
the managers - us. On that note, we appear from the
kitchen (where we've been having a little vino and
watching through a porthole). We are wearing tuxedos,
masks, yellow hats, and frantically saying TWEET TWEET
TWEET! Finally, we show ourselves, Mark laughs like a
raving maniac, we pull guns and kill the other guests,
we give Rolf a big tip and call it a night.
Yes it was one hell of a 40th birthday surprise. For his 50th
we're talking about burning his house.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@looking.on.ca
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