cambler@polyslo.calpoly.edu (Fubar) (10/16/90)
Got these from a NASA press release archive site. These are available for
anonymous FTP, so I assume they are repostable:
From ames!uakari.primate.wisc.edu!samsung!uunet!trident.gum.nasa.guv!isuzu Tue Apr 17 12:57:24 PDT 1990
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, April 31, 1990 Audio: 202/555-1788
-----------------------------------------------------------------
This is NASA Headline News for Tuesday, April 31.....
The Congressional Budget Explorer Module (CBEM) is scheduled for
installation in the orbiter Titanic's payload bay this afternoon.
Technicians resolved an earlier problem with hydraulic line pressure
when it was discovered that several fragments of lobbyist had become
stuck in a flapper valve. The 127-ton CBEM payload will mark the
beginning of NASA's ambitious decade-long "Mission to Fort Knox."
A Flight Eagerness Review is scheduled for tomorrow and Thursday. The
current target launch date is Friday, May 11. If no further problems
are uncovered in the FER, the launch will probably be pushed back a few
days anyway just for the heck of it. The CBEM launch window ends on
Tuesday, May 21, when Venus rises in Aquarius and Neptune's influence is
no longer balanced, violating critical Astral launch criteria.
* *
Meanwhile, the Velikovsky spacecraft is in good health on its journey to
Venus. It's now 122 million miles from Venus and about 28 feet from
Earth. Engineers at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory report that failure
to actually launch Velikovsky has had little impact on its ability to
perform the primary pseudoscience missions. Earlier problems with
voltage fluctuations in the Wide Eyed/Credulous Subject Scanner are
being monitored carefully. "I'm pretending this is really exciting,"
says JPL team leader Geraldo R. Spencer.
In other planetary mission news, technicians at the Deep Space Network
installation in Canberra, Australia have identified the probable cause
of signal weakness in the primary 90-meter antenna: the dish was
apparently mounted upside-down. A tentative schedule and budget
estimate for correcting the mount is underway. DSN Australian
Coordinator Michael J. Dundee was quoted in the Australian weekly "P***
Off Mate" as saying that this mystifying problem had never been
encountered before, but was probably due to reliance on American antenna
design parameters. "I'm still not convinced that anything's wrong, but
we'll try it the other way and see."
* *
Leak checks are underway on the Contractor Information Network (CIN) at
Huntsville, Alabama. Technicians at the Huntsville Program Survival
Facility (PSF) expect to begin CIN closeouts by Thursday. The system
will then be purged for use.
Aerobuck Weekly reports that in testimony last Thursday before the House
Space and Storm Door Subcommittee, NASA Administrator Roald Sagdeev
testified that a recent re-re-reshuffling and "options devaluation"
would enable Space Station to proceed despite the latest round of budget
cuts, but warned this was "absolutely the last cut that can be
sustained." Citing internal NASA studies, the publication listed
several cost cutting measures under consideration, including a two year
stretchout of the Ground Telerobotic Administrator (GTA) subsystem, and
eliminating atmospheric pressure in the one remaining crew module, which
would also be downsized from 23 feet to 16 feet. The name of the station
would be officially changed from "Freedom" to "Fred" to fit the new
bulkhead dimensions.
* *
The Soviets and Japanese jointly announced a contract with Hilton Hotels
last week, to provide a 335-room passenger module for the international
Sakharov Space Station currently under construction in Earth orbit.
Malawi became the 78th nation in space Sunday, launching an 1820-pound
satellite into orbit atop an Indonesian Merlata II booster. This
launcher now has a record of 69 successes in 71 launches.
The last remaining Scout rocket was lost in a launch pad accident near
Wallops Island Proving Ground last week, according to a NASA spokesman.
Technicians apparently made an error in connecting a hydraulic feed line
to the rocket as it awaited payload checkout, connecting it to the
purge valve for a nearby Toxic Waste Holding Facility instead. The
first stage appears to have partially dissolved and melted itself to
the concrete apron; EPA officials have ordered the site sealed pending
checkout by an Emergency Response team.
* * * * * * * *
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Here's the broadcast schedule for Public Affairs events on NASA
Deflect TV. All times are Eastern.
Tuesday, April 31.....
11:30 A.M. "Budget Cut Spinoffs" - classroom teaching aid
Monday, May 0....
9:00 A.M. Colloquium on Soviet Inferiority
10:00 A.M. Three Letter Acronym (TLA) List Update (LU)
11:00 A.M. Pre-launch News Conference
12:00 A.M. Post-scrub News Conference
Friday, April 35....
4:00 A.M. Replay of the Administrator's Good Friday speech:
"The Crucifixion: A Lesson for NASA?"
5:30 A.M. Livestock Report
6:00 A.M. Astronaut Aerobics/Morning Workout
All events and times and missions and appropriations are subject to
change without notice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
These reports are filed daily, Monday through Friday, at 12 noon,
EDT. My god, CNN, when do you want me to file? Last April?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A service of the Infernal Communications Branch, NASA HQ.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Help -- I am being held hostage in the Public Affai<MMMMPPHHH>
------
Mike Hunt
Headquarters, Washington, D.C. March 30, 1990
RELEASE: N90-69
EDITORS NOTE: NASA PRESS CONFERENCE ON ``POLAR FOIL'' EXPERIMENTS
News media are invited to a press conference Monday, April 2
beginning at 10 a.m., at which NASA Administrator Richard H. Truly
and a panel of NASA life sciences experts will respond to questions
on the recently acknowledged ``Polar Foil'' experiments undertaken
in past years by space shuttle crews.
Polar Foil is the computer-generated designation for the series
of experiments in human sexuality which NASA astronauts have conducted
in orbit on space shuttle missions. In response to widespread public
speculation and official queries from members of Congress, NASA this
week revealed the nature and extent of these experiments.
This experiment is one of a group in which NASA life scientists
are attempting to understand all aspects of extended human presence in
a microgravity environment. Just as careful study has been devoted to
human adaptations to sleeping, eating and drinking, and the collection
and disposal of bodily wastes in this environment, it is anticipated that
astronauts may choose to engage in sexual activities during any protracted
earth orbital or interplanetary mission.
NASA astronauts assigned to mission crews in the past several years
have volunteered to participate in the experiments. When both a male and
a female astronaut on the same mission had volunteered, mission time was
allocated to accommodate this activity. As expected, the limiting factor
on the number of missions in which the experiment could be attempted was
the number of female astronauts. Conversely, the limiting factor on the
number of times the experiment could be performed in a single mission was
characteristic of the male astronauts.
These limitations will be addressed in Monday's press conference,
at which a new astronaut category will be introduced. NASA will soon
begin accepting applications for Research Specialist astronauts, which
will be distinguished from both Pilot astronauts and Mission Specialist
astronauts. The prerequisites for Research Specialist positions are
that the candidate be female, at least 18 years of age, physically
attractive, possess excellent endurance and flexibility, and moral
open-mindedness. Finalists will travel to Johnson Space Center in
Houston for thorough interviews and examinations, after which the
Research Specialist astronaut candidates will be selected. This selection
process will proceed in parallel with, and separately from, the process
for the other career astronaut grades. At some future date, when the
numbers of male and female astronauts are more nearly even, the Research
Specialist category is expected to be opened up to male applicants.
These experiments will continue in the near term with the present
composition of the astronaut corps. Since the experiments are no longer
considered classified, they will receive the same attention as other
aspects of NASA space shuttle missions. Negotiations are in progress
for cable TV operators to carry the NASA Select satellite signal while
this experiment is being performed. NASA feels this service will prove
particularly effective in capturing and holding the public's interest in
their national space program.
On a related topic, NASA is considering reactivation of the Citizen
in Space programs with application to these experiments. The tentative
name of the proposed program is Surrogate in Space. Although not yet an
officially adopted program, some members of Congress have already suggested
names of civilian professionals who may become candidates for participation
in this program.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need a reply, submit to rhf@looking.on.ca instead.