GREG@pomona.claremont.edu (Tigger) (10/21/90)
The following was writting by a friend of mine several years ago while we
were both still college students. He was having 'troubles' at the time with
a few of the women he had picked up at parties...
(the anti-relationship contract -- to guarantee no strings are attached)
I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of
friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in
exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication.
I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or
otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time
of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have
been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors,
misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends,
and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger.
I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly,
if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of herefore listed
activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet
oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-
signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and
breaking the no-contact agreement of this document.
I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body,
and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own,
nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same
cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of
all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.
--
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