grimlok@hubcap.clemson.edu (Mike Percy) (10/25/90)
My boss gave me this to read after getting a particularly fuzzy user
specification for a system change. There is no author attribution or
source noted. It was just a photocopy...
Dear Mr. Architect,
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need,
so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make
sure the plans are such that bedrooms can be easily added or deleted.
When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of
what I want. Also bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so
that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately chose must cost less than the
one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all
the deficiencies that currently exist in my house (the floor of my
kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly
enough insulation in them).
Also keep in mind as you design this house that I wish to keep yearly
maintenance cost as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation
of extra-cost features like aluminum or vinyl siding. If you chose not
to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain in detail.
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials
are used in construction of the house. The house should be really nice.
However, be alerted that the kitchen should be designed to accommodate
among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To assure that you are building the correct house for our family, make
sure that you contact each of the children and also the in-laws. My
mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house ought
to be designed since she visits with us at least once a year. Make sure
that you weigh all these options carefully and make the right decision.
I, however, retain the right to override any decision you come up with.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to
develop the overall plans for this house. Get the big picture. It is
not appropriate at this time to be choosing the color of the carpet.
However, keep in mind that my wife likes green.
Also do not worry at this time about acquiring resources to build this
house. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and
specifications. However, once I accept these plans, I will expect to
have the house under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind
that sooner or later I will have to sell this house. It should have
appeal to potential buyers. Please make sure that before you finalize
the plans, there is a consensus of the population in my area that they
like the features this house has.
You are advised to run up and look at my neighbor's house he had
constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features
that we would like to have in our new home, particularly the 75-foot
swimming pool. With careful engineering I believe that you can design
this into our new house without impacting the construction cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at
this time to do the real design since these blueprints will be used only
for construction bids. Please be advised however, that any increase of
cost in the future as a result of design changes will result in you
getting your hands slapped.
You must be thrilled to be working on such an interesting project such
as this. To be able to use new kinds of construction and to be given
such freedom in your designs is something that doesn't happen very
often. Contact me as rapidly as possible with your design ideas.
I am enthusiastic about seeing what you can come up with.
P.S. My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many on the
instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect it is
your responsibility to resolve these issues. I have tried in the
past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle
this, I'll have to look for a new architect.
P.P.S. Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer.
Please advise me as early as possible if that is the case.
--
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