funny-request@looking.on.ca (12/07/90)
This year I scanned over the best original comedy submissions to this newsgroup
of the past year and selected the ones I felt were the best. To these I
award the 1990 rec.humor.funny comedy awards.
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First: last week I posted that the 1990 (Volume III) jokebooks had been sent
to the printers, and that I would post a followup when they actually arrived.
(for those who don't like to order something that's not in stock.) They
have indeed arrived, and all three are in stock. Full ordering info and
stuff can be found in those postings of last week. The phone numbers are
519/884-7473, 800-USE-NETS (in the USA) and 519 884-9495 (FAX). E-mail
orders can be sent to jokebook@clarinet.com, or jokebook@looking.on.ca,
starting again Dec 9. Australians can get in on a group order if they
mail rhf-jokebook@uqcspe.cs.uq.oz.au right away.
Cost: $11.60 CDN ($9.95 US) for Volumes III and II, $15 CDN ($13 US) for
Volume I, plus US$2 S/H or less for surface mail. Or mail to me at
124 King St. N., Waterloo, ON, N2J 2X8
[Shipping price correction: Air mail to the USA: 2 books - $8, 3 books - $9
due to quirks of air mail weight increments. E-mail me for others.]
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Announcing the winners of the:
1990 Rec.humor.funny/TeleJoke
Original Comedy Awards
This year I have made my own selection of the best original jokes to
appear in this group. Here are the winners. Some of the winners
win valuable prizes. Ok, not *that* valuable, I admit it. What do you
want, wicker?
See a forthcoming announcement for the guidelines of next year's
awards, which will include actual valuable prizes, including $100 cash,
software and jokebooks.
To qualify, submitters had to mark their jokes as original. There were
some good jokes out there that I thought might have been original, but
I didn't have a positive indication. The winners were chosen to my tastes.
Next year, we might have a vote if somebody wants to organize it.
The Winners
Honourable Mention
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The following multi-author collections deserve an honourable mention,
although they don't qualify because no one author is apparent.
Subject: Usenet Oracularities
From: kinzler@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (Stephen Kinzler)
For the personally selected "best of the Oracle,"
and for managing the USENET Oracle.
"Shoot yourself in the foot" list of programming languages:
Various Authors: bp@thedog.cis.ufl.edu (Brian Pine)
bobmon@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (RAMontante)
PLS@cup.portal.com & BIX users
"'Shit Happens' in various religions"
Authors: bruces@east.sun.com (Bruce Sesnovich)
pszila@u.washington.edu (Peter Szilard)
kamens@neon.stanford.edu (Samuel N. Kamens)
John Stark, via poy@fiuggi.irvine.dg.com
Runners-up:
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(Get a free E-mail Dave Barry Subscription, if applicable)
(Please write back to me to get your prize.)
From: danzig@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (David Danzig)
Subject: tabloid ad parody
An ad about an amazing, money-making secret.
From: markc@wpi.wpi.edu (Mark B. Cohen)
Subject: You thought it was safe to go back in the water
For a list of possible new groups about aquaria
From: 22414843@wsuvm1.bitnet (Chet)
Subject: More IBM 3090/VM Humor, smirk
An article about "Why I like the IBM 3090:" (with help)
From: tlode@isis.cs.du.edu (trygve lode)
Subject: Microsloshed Walls
Parody of Microsoft Windows features
Second Place (very close): (Free TeleJokeBook Volume III)
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From: cs161fhn%sdcc10@ucsd.edu (Dennis Lou)
Subject: Evolution of a programmer
How you write the "hello world" program at various stages in
your life.
And the award for the best original piece of the past year.
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(Wins free TeleJokebook, Volumes II and III)
From: dill@cs.buffalo.edu (Peter Dill)
Subject: Top Ten Soviet Demands of Lithuania
A top ten list relating to the Soviet punishments for
the Lithuanian independence movement.
In thanking the academy, Peter writes:
``today <today, today, today>, I am the luckest man on the face of the
earth <earth, earth, earth>...''
It is with giddy elation that I accept electronic computer humor's highest
honor (which not even Dennis Ritchie has obtained), flush with the knowledge
that I have been able to turn my obsessive late night television viewing and
unnatural affinity for cough syrup to personal profit. I would like to add
that should I become Ms. America, I will use the crown to bring peace to
all nations and peoples without regard to race or creed.
Not even the almost certain knowledge that I will end up like previous
winners, hoary bearded hermits with wildly darting eyes reduced to roaming
the lounges of the Catskills, can mute my euphoria.
Peter Dill
Buffalo, NY
"Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius"