jpb@umbio.med.miami.edu (jpb) (02/15/91)
And the Lord said unto Noah: "Where is the ark which I have commanded thee
to build?"
And Noah said unto the Lord: "Verily, I have had three carpenters off ill.
The gopher wood supplier hath let me down -- yea, even though the wood hath been
on order for nigh upon twelve months. What can I do, Lord?"
And the Lord said unto Noah: "I want that ark finished after seven days and
seven nights."
And Noah said: "It will be so."
And it was *not* so. And the Lord said unto Noah: "What seemeth to be the
trouble this time?"
And Noah said unto the Lord: "Mine subcontractors hath gone bankrupt. The
pitch which thou commandest me to put on the outside of the ark hath not
arrived. Shem, my son who helpeth me, hath formed a rock group with his
brothers Ham and Japeth. Lord I am undone. Bring on the rains."
And the Lord grew very angry and said: "And what about the animals, the
male and female of every sort that I ordered to come unto thee to keep their
seed alive upon the face of the earth?"
And Noah said: "They hath been delivered unto the wrong address but should
arrive on friday."
And the Lord said: "How about the unicorns and the fowls of the air by
sevens?"
And Noah wrung his hands, saying: "Lord, unicorns are a discontinued line;
thou canst not get them for love nor money. And fowls of the air are sold only
in half-dozen lots. Lord, thou knowest how it is."
And the Lord in his wisdom spoke: "Noah, my son, what about the insurance,
in case thou should run this ark aground atop Mt. Ararat?"
And Noah was downcast, saying: "My independent insurance agent telleth me
there doth exist a market crunch. Companies liketh not writing insurance for an
ark. They fear it will be used for water skiing. They doubt my wisdom as
captain. Only one company hath said it would insure this vessel and it would
charge seventy times seven pieces of silver, with a 250-pound sacrificial lamb
deductible.
"Verily, the tribute is higher than heaven and yet we cannot get delivery
of the policy for nigh upon three months, for the company hath changed to an
abacus and the beads are stuck fast."
Having spoken thus, Noah wept.
And the Lord went forth and did likewise.
--
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