[rec.humor.funny] Random Filter

Ken_Blackman.INTEGRATION@gateway.qm.apple.com (Ken Blackman) (03/03/91)

Could someone please help me out.   I'm not a math wiz, but I think I've 
stumbled onto something important, and it looks like it could have some 
profound implications for a number of fields.

I call it a Random Filter.   The opposite of a random number generator, 
this algorithm takes a stream of numbers and removes the random ones, thus 
leaving a collection of purely non-random numbers.  Here's the simple 
version;  where the function rand() represents your favorite random number 
generator:

loop
   n <- input              # get next n
   r <- rand()             # also get a random number
   n = r ?                 # is n itself a random number ? 
      yes: trash <- n      # then toss it
      no: output <- n      # otherwise keep it
end loop

In other words, the randomness of each n is determined by comparing it to 
a number known to be random;  all random n's are filtered out.   It's just 
like that technique of finding prime numbers by eliminating all the 
composites.   For example, this could be handy for scientific researchers: 
 now they can weed out any random fluctuations in their statistical data.  
 Astronomers can get sharper pictures.   Physicists can finally get past 
that whole Heisenberg thing.

Obviously this technique hinges on having a good reliable source of 
randomness to use for comparison.   Using a computer-based rand() in the 
loop above will only produce PSEUDO-non-random output.

Before you tell me what you think of all this (cough cough), let me assure 
you that I have already used it, with fabulously successful results.   
Before sending this note, I took the ASCII text and merged it with a file 
of geiger readings from some radioactive isotope.  Then, using the same 
geiger recording as my rand() function (since it was, after all, still 
random), I pumped the altered text through a Random Filter and, voila, out 
came the original!   Pretty amazing, huh?

I can only speculate as to what would happen if I'd had some mechanical 
dice roller feeding its results to the computer in real time.   With that 
degree of randomness at its disposal, the Filter may have corrected my 
spelling, cleaned up my grammar, or removed some other imperfections I'm 
not aware of.   No telling how powerful this technique could be.   

Think of what this could mean for areas like data integrity, quantum 
physics, radio reception, compiler design, weather forecasting, economics, 
structural design, how about racetrack handicapping... the applications 
seem virtually limitless.

Well, waddya think?   One thing's for sure -- I'm planning a trip to Las 
Vegas.   Soon as can I figure out how to use the slot machines to beat the 
roulette wheel.

------------------------

Late-breaking news:  The Random Filter has continued to demonstrate its 
value.   I applied it to a list of the last six months' winning lottery 
numbers.   I tried every method and variation I could think of, and the 
results were absolute gobbledy-gook:  the Random Filter concept simply 
could not be meaningfully applied to this set of data.   In other words, I 
proved conclusively that the lottery is *FIXED* (ie, not random).
Pretty amazing, huh?


Ken_Blackman.INTEGRATION@gateway.qm.apple.com
<or>  farkwell@apple.com
Purification is just Putrification without the 't'     @<@?
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.