funny-request@looking.on.ca (03/06/91)
Here is the latest edition of the Iraq war joke digest. These are the
ones that didn't quite make their own topical posting. Beware of sick
jokes.
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Subject: Kuwaiti ground operation
From: philj%wombat.pen.tek.com@relay.cs.net (Phil K Jansen)
If necessary, Coalition forces will commence ground operations in Kuwait.
This will be known as "Operation Desert Topping".
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Subject: new hollywood release....
From: amaravad@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (ratty ratnakar amaravadi)
Paramount Pictures has just announced the release of their
latest sphagetti western, "THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY" starring
Mikhail Gorbachev, George Bush, and Sadam Hussein.
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Subject: More Iraqi jokes
From: DDS4193@ceres.tamu.edu (Daryl D. Spillmann)
These are a few I heard from my roommate...
Q: Did you hear about the new musical group in Iraq?
A: No Kids on the Block.
----------
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. The electricity's been off for a month anyway.
----------
Q: How do you break up an Iraqi bingo game?
A: Call out B-52.
Daryl Spillmann
Texas A&M University
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Subject: Iraq Does Not Exist!
From: ata@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Don Dodson)
President Bush went on national TV today with a startling
announcement. It seems that Iraq does not actually exist.
"We've been taught since elementary school that the
letter 'q' is always followed by 'u'. It should be
clear that a country called Iraq cannot exist."
The President went on to explain that Desert Storm has
been a massive simulation to help prepare for the war
against broccoli.
Bush refused to answer accusations that this "technicality"
was just an excuse to end the war gracefully.
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Subject: What's in a name?
From: beigel-richard@cs.yale.edu (Richard Beigel)
From the Random House unabridged:
scud, v., ... 3. Archery. (of an arrow) to fly too high and wide of
the mark.
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Subject: Iraq/Internet Humor.
From: lord_zar@ucrmath.ucr.edu (wayne wallace)
% ftp bunker.baghdad.iq
Connected to bunker.baghdad.iq
220 bunker.baghdad.iq FTP server (IslamOS 1.0) ready.
Name (bunker.baghdad.iq:gbush): allah
331 Password required for allah.
Password:
230 User allah logged in.
ftp> bin
200 Type set to I.
ftp> put BIG_BOMB.NUKE
200 PORT command successful.
150 BINARY data connection for /home/staff/gbush/BIG_BOMB.NUKE (1.1.1.1,623)
226 BINARY transfer complete.
ftp> bye
221 Goodbye.
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Subject: The REAL surrender terms
From: jms@netcom.com (John Schonholtz)
(Original. Inspired by George Bush's calling Hussein's order of withdrawal
an "outrage".)
1) Iraqi troops are to surrender all chemical weapons. Chemical weapons
are defined as containing such substances as hydrogen cyanide, mustard
gas, gunpowder, gasoline, and vulcanized rubber.
2) All Iraqi troops are to walk from Kuwait back into Iraq. Those who
say unkind words or look at coalition soldiers in an unkind way are
to crawl back.
3) Iraq must compensate Kuwait for all war reparations, outstanding debts,
lodging for the duration of the troops' stay in Kuwait, and import
duties for the weapons left behind.
4) All Iraqi military installations and government ministry are to have
a bulls-eye at least 15 meters across on top, painted in luminescent
colors.
5) The battleship Missouri, currently on patrol in the gulf, will be
moored near Basra, and the treaty-signing ceremony is to be held
on board.
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Subject: Iraqi Dictionary
From: pt@geovision.UUCP (Paul Tomblin)
A sample entry from the new Iraqi Dictionary of Saddam-speak:
Victory: [vic-tor-e] n. Total rout by opposing forces,
complete and utter destruction of your forces by an enemy,
esp. in war time. Retreat and surrender. Known as
defeat(q.v.) in other countries.
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Subject: How To Pronounce "Saddam" (original)
From: scs@iti.org (Steve Simmons)
After seeing the early days of the ground war and the effectiveness of
the "Saddam Line" defensive system, the correct pronuncation of "Saddam"
has finally become obvious: "Maginot".
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Subject: I will not celebrate...
From: taluskie@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Vince Taluskie)
For better or worse the following is original to me...
Now that America has won the War in the Gulf, VI-day will be celebrated
around the country - but I, for one, intend to hold out for EMACS-day....
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Subject: Bush's Response to the Hussein Condom
From: murray@vs2.scri.fsu.edu (John Murray)
Much as I hate to admit it, this is original:
By now, I am sure we have all heard about the Saddam Hussein
Condom - the one for little pricks who don't pull out in time.
Not to be outdone, President Bush has released his own
prophylactic device, the Bush Condom - if the little prick
doesn't pull out in time, it makes damn sure he doesn't have
enough equipment left to bother anyone in the future...
John R. Murray
murray@vs2.scri.fsu.edu
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Subject: Unix editor, original
From: ltl@mas1.UUCP (Larry Lopez)
Hey, for those of you that are disgruntled with the standard UNIX editor,
just remember, it's the only editor with a day in history named after it:
Feb 27,1991 VI Day!
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Subject: no ground war for this student
From: cdash@margaux.colorado.edu (Charles Shub)
Thursday, a student handing in a homework assignment observed,
"If you hadn't handed out this programming assignment
last week, I might have caught some of the ground war."
charlie shub cdash@boulder.Colorado.EDU -or- ..!{ucar|nbires}!boulder!cdash
or even cdash@colospgs (BITNET) -or- (719) 593-3492
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Subject: Iraqi Navy
From: eric@abode.wciu.edu (Eric C. Bennett)
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
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Subject: Saddam winning the war
From: pkel@psych.purdue.edu (Paul L. Kelly)
[Heard on a morning radio show]
Newscaster: "Saddam Hussein claims that his forces are winning the war against
allied forces."
Disk-jockey: "What, do they get a set of American Tourister luggage and the
home version of the war?"
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Subject: hazardous bridges
From: msoques@brahms.amd.com (Martin Soques)
Heard on the Rush Limbaugh radio program:
Q: What does Ted Kennedy have in common with the "luckiest man in
Iraq" [referring to Gen. Swarzkopf's caption of a video showing
a bridge being bombed]?
A: They both know how it feels to be bombed when crossing a bridge.
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Subject: Another for the Iraqi Digest
From: rgm@ocf.berkeley.edu (Rob Menke)
My English TA made the following observation:
I find it vaguely amusing that the two chief opponents in
this battle are named "Saddam" and "Colin"...
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Subject: A whole string of Iraqi jokes (well, sort of)
From: anthony@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au (Anthony Baxter)
$ cat Jokes/WWII/ItalianJokes | sed 's/Italian/Iraqi/' > IraqiJokes
That should cover about 98% of the ones posted :)
--
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