fritzw@pro-starbase2.cts.com (Fritz Wonnacott, System Guru) (03/14/91)
The following are a few limericks that didn't make the list (I know, I
know... this list could go on forever, but who needs paper, right? :-)
Enjoy'em!
{ed Well, limerick collections are not something I want to get into,
but these seem less common. If you didn't know, limericks are all
dirty.}
----- cut and paste ---- (with what, electronic glue?)
When bored with the old tried-and-true way,
As well as the dildo-in-lieu way,
A zookeepers wife
Put zest in her life
With a fling at "a fabulous gnu way!"
A patient old fag named McQueen
Kept watch in a public latrine.
He would gaze and compare,
And response to his stare
Might result in his making the seen.
As a Valentine message, young Bonnet,
Having failed at composing a sonnet,
Drew his girlfriend a card
That the censors have barred --
Both a heart and a hard-on are on it!
Whenever the abbot craves fun,
He summons the same willing one:
A hot-pantied sister
Who makes his dong blister!
She is known as his sine qua nun!
Since a top-heavy maiden from Yonkers
Is equipped to make tit men go bonkers,
Poet Goldsmith might say,
Were he living today,
That whenever she stoops, sir, she conquers!
A careless young virgin named Wright
Got drunk with her boyfriend one night.
She awoke in a snit
With her maidenhead split,
To be told that she sure had been tight.
When a student named Ben once was rapping
On his reason for bra-strap unsnapping,
He explained he'd a yen
From his study of Zen
For the sound of one mammary flapping.
Let's hope that the sheiks' being brash
Won't inspire women's lib to be rash.
Though a shortage of gas
Is a pain in the ass,
Just imagine -- a shortage of gash!
Man's greatest inventions are few...
Though pundits are prone to rate two
As virtually clever--
The wheel and the lever--
More essential by far is the screw!
When a kinky old loner named Chase
Had a sitter report to his place
And she asked, "There's no kid?"
He said, "No, -- There's an id!
You're a sitter... so sit on my face!"
A furniture sales girl named Niles
Brings quickie male-customer smiles.
Her talents are fabled
When couched, chaired or tabled,
Since she comes in a wide range of styles.
When pinched on the fanny, Monique
Succumbed to a peeved maiden's pique
By exclaiming with verve
To her pincher, "Some nerve!"
"And in your case," he gloated, "some cheek!"
An outrageous young lady named Kyle
Likes to flirt in a whimsical style:
She'll depanty, it's said,
And then stand on her head
To display her most quimsical smile.
What with female Marines, Sergeant Trilling
Finds his life in the Corps more fulfilling.
In the daytime, his skill
Is in close-order drill,
While at night, it's in close-ardor drilling!
Said a moonlighting housewife in Goshen:
"There are service-club guys with a notion!
When the luncheon is through,
And I'm game for a screw,
What I like is the Rotary motion!"
His lordship is frenziedly plumbing
A barmaid whose pussy is humming!
Since he pleasured her twat
With the first wad he shot,
She'll rejoice in the lord's second coming!
Said Crystal, who hails from Poughkeepsie:
"I ball guys on top when I'm tipsy."
Then we peeked in the tent
Where her binge time is spent,
And we found Crystal balls on a gypsy!
The bedroom has lost its decorum.
With group sex, it's more like a forum.
It once was avowed
That three was a crowd,
But today it's not even a quorum.
Three two-letter words that begin
With I are a source of chagrin:
There are guys who can cry --
Even wish they could die --
At that soul-searing phrase "Is it in?"
The girl told the lawyer, "Let's net us
Enough so the jerk won't forget us!
I said I'd cohabit;
He fucked like a rabbit --
And so now I want half of his lettuce!"
In our cult," said the girl, "it was true:
The mahatma'd get stoned and then screw.
In the buff, he'd smoke bhang
While his drug-plugged-in whang
Just guh-rew...and guh-rew...and guh-rew!"
Grins a fey Swedish groupie named Lynn:
"There are Nordics who may not get in.
For a screw sometimes bores
When it's Danish or Norse,
But I sure do put out for a Finn!"
The court hadn't seen in an age
The king in so vicious a rage;
For the queen, so she said,
Went to read in her bed,
Where the king found her stuck to a page.
A wiser young lady named Dawes
Looks forward to Christmas because
She was taught last December
By a store Santa's member
That a pussy is meant to have Claus.
Thought a finicky cocksman named Pete
Would refuse invitations to eat,
A date he was blasting
Kept lasting and lasting...
In the end, he went down in defeat.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Please! No copyrighted stuff. Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.