newell@corona.itd.msstate.edu (Gordon Newell) (03/16/91)
GLN (Good-Looking Nerd) : "Can I help you?" MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman) : "Do you know how fast you were going, boy?" GLN : "I'm not sure. The needle doesn't reach the high numbers very well. I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85." MHP : "You were going 84 miles an hour." GLN : "See, I was close. I must've been going uphill." MHP : "What was that?" GLN : "Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?" MHP : "I'm going to have to give you a ticket, boy." GLN : "No thank you." MHP : "What was that?" GLN : "If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon you keep your ticket. I don't really have any use for one." MHP : "Don't try to weasel your way out of this, boy. I'm going to give you a ticket." GLN : "What for?" MHP : "WHAT FOR??? Speeding, that's what!" GLN : "You mean you're going to give me a ticket for going two miles per hour over the speed limit?" MHP : "TWO MILES??? Don't you know what the speed limit is, boy?" GLN : "It's posted on the white sign with black letters, right?" MHP : "Right." GLN : "82. That's what the sign said, '82.'" MHP : "That's not the speed limit. This is highway 82." GLN : "I thought this was highway 55. It goes through Winona." MHP : "55 is the speed limit. This is highway 82. I-55 goes through Memphis and Jackson." GLN : "But I'm going to Starkville, not Memphis or Jackson. You must be confused." MHP : "This is NOT I-55. This IS highway 82, and it does go to Starkville." GLN : "That's right. I'm going to Starkville on highway 55, and the speed limit is 82. I don't think you should give me a ticket for going two miles over the speed limit." MHP : "The speed limit is 55. Didn't you see the sign with the words 'SPEED LIMIT' and the number '55' on it?" GLN : "I was wondering why they would write that on the sign telling the name of the highway." MHP : "It ISN'T the highway sign. The highway is 82, and the speed limit is 55." GLN : "Do you think you could hurry up and get to the point? I'm kindof in a hurry." MHP : "Is this your car?" GLN : "Yes, do you like it?" MHP : "Would you turn down that music?" GLN : "It's Aretha Franklin. It goes with the car, don't you think? What are you doing?" MHP : "I'm writing you a ticket." GLN : "For going two miles over the speed limit?" MHP : "No, for going TWENTY-NINE miles an hour over the speed limit." GLN : "Do you think that's unsafe?" MHP : "Absolutely. It's very unsafe." GLN : "If I was going so fast, then how did you catch me?" MHP : "Well, uh..." GLN : "Do you think it's safe for you to drive that fast?" MHP : "Yes. I've been trained for high-speed pursuit." GLN : "Don't you think it's rather hypocritical of you to be giving me a ticket? How many wrecks have you had?" MHP : "That's irrelevant." GLN : "Did you see that?" MHP : "What?" GLN : "That black car just sideswiped your patrol car and kept going. If you hurry, you can probably catch him." MHP : "#@*%^$! And that's my new patrol car, too. You wait here while I apprehend that criminal!" GLN : "Yeah, right." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- --disclaimer: -- The preceding dialogue is ficticious, and any resemblance to actual -- persons, real or otherwise, is purely coincidental. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA Please! No copyrighted stuff. Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics, Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.