goldstein@arecibo.aero.org (SAMUEL GOLDSTEIN) (03/17/91)
LAWSUITS THREATEN INDUSTRY
In a new twist to the computer industry's running "Look and Feel"
patent battles, lawyers for Dr. Upda Evidens have filed suit against 98%
of the computer industry. Dr. Evidens, CEO of the Closed Software
Corporation, asserted in court that "this is just the beginning. We are not
going to tolerate any further abuse of our patents, which, I might add, are
as rampant as they are blatant."
The briefs filed in the case indicate that up to 70% of all computer
industry professionals infringed upon CSC's patented "like shit" look and
feel. Dr. Evidens cited studies showing that on any average Monday, sixty
to seventy percent of all programmers are reported to "look and feel like
shit."
The Closed Software Corporation also notes excessive unlicensed use
of other patented Look and Feel combinations, top among them "like hell,"
"awful," and "totally gnarly."
Despite the fact that the CSC lawsuits are some of the largest and most
comprehensive in the history of the computer industry, Evidens speaks of
widening the scope of the litigation. "You see," he said at a press
conference recently, "these violations are not limited to the information
industry. I regularly see individuals in the banking industry, insurance,
government, and yes, even the media, in unlicensed use of various patents that
we hold." When asked about his goals in filing further lawsuits, Evidens
merely smiled, and offered a flash demonstration of two of the more recent CSC
patents, "filthy rich," and "powerful."
Industry analysts are watching Dr. Evidens and his lawyers closely,
(and, according to Evidens, are coming arbitrarily close to violating
another patent, the "nervous" look and feel) to see the results of this
case, and to find how it will affect future developments.
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DISCLAIMER: This is all fluff, purely the results of a deranged imagination.
All individuals, corporations, and other entities mentioned above
are purely fictional, and should not be construed.
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