dgross@polyslo.calpoly.edu (Dave Gross) (03/01/91)
Those of you in California have surely heard the Unocal commercials which have
some grease monkey from Unocal actually making house calls to do maintenence
or check the oil or whatever. Our new slogan is "At Unocal, We're Still a
SERVICE Station." Well, maybe at some stations. The Unocal I work at is a
self-serve only and I spend my whole shift in a bullet-resistant glass box.
{BTW, if "bullet-resistant glass" is to "bullet-proof glass" what "water-
resistant watches" are to "water-proof watches" then I don't feel terribly
safe...}
Anyway, to spruce up our customer relations, Unocal sent our booth a workbook
entitled "Customer Oriented Marketing: Deliver the Attitude." It is basically
a quiz-book testing all of the booth attendants on how to treat our beloved
customers. The boss is supposed to test us all using the book and presumably
our job depends on a good score.
Not just any dummy can walk in off the street and become a booth attendant at
Unocal.
For the enjoyment of the reading audience, I here present a few sample
questions from the workbook:
. Customer-Oriented Marketing is looking at our job through
the customer's (eyes/file).
. A good opening to a customer who voices a complaint is,
"I'm (sorry/upset) you are having a problem."
. Remember, arguing with the customer can only make a bad
situation (worse/better).
. Make positive contact with your customers by being friendly,
(bashful/enthusiastic), open and interested.
. Using a customer's name and saying "thank you" are examples
of (pushy/friendly) service.
. While working with your present customer, (acknowledge/
ignore) a waiting customer.
. Customers feel you are happy to have their business when
you smile and say (nothing/thank you).
. Friendly service is giving the customer your full attention
and making (eye/hand) contact.
. One way to show customers full attention is to call them by
(phone/name) whenever possible.
. Keep the station (cluttered/neat) and clean so customers do
not take their business elsewhere.
. Use the intercom for customer assistance and (safety/
entertainment).
A good opening to a complaining customer could be to tell them you are:
a) excited
b) pleased
c) happy
d) sorry
Customers waiting for island service should be:
a) patient
b) ignored
c) acknowledged
d) important
What kind of service should customers get?
a) quick
b) friendly
c) professional
d) all of the above
One way to give customers personal attention is to:
a) only accept credit cards
b) ignore them
c) call them by name
d) talk to two customers at once
-- Dave "Yet Another Unocal Einstein" Gross
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to rhf@looking.on.ca instead.decot@hpcupt1.cup.hp.com (One) (04/24/91)
{ed a nice parody of a rather silly employment quiz I posted some time ago.}
> . Customer-Oriented Marketing is looking at our job through
> the customer's (eyes/file).
wallet
> . A good opening to a customer who voices a complaint is,
> "I'm (sorry/upset) you are having a problem."
certain that psychologically
> . Remember, arguing with the customer can only make a bad
> situation (worse/better).
more entertaining
> . Make positive contact with your customers by being friendly,
> (bashful/enthusiastic), open and interested.
flirtatious
> . Using a customer's name and saying "thank you" are examples
> of (pushy/friendly) service.
patronizing
> . While working with your present customer, (acknowledge/
> ignore) a waiting customer.
become interested in and leave the premises with
> . Customers feel you are happy to have their business when
> you smile and say (nothing/thank you).
"The gas is free today."
> . Friendly service is giving the customer your full attention
> and making (eye/hand) contact.
felonious intimate
> . One way to show customers full attention is to call them by
> (phone/name) whenever possible.
obnoxious childhood nicknames
> . Keep the station (cluttered/neat) and clean so customers do
> not take their business elsewhere.
empty
> . Use the intercom for customer assistance and (safety/
> entertainment).
inaudibility
> A good opening to a complaining customer could be to tell them you are:
> a) excited
> b) pleased
> c) happy
> d) sorry
extremely busy and tired of their whining
> Customers waiting for island service should be:
> a) patient
> b) ignored
> c) acknowledged
> d) important
advised on airfare deals to Tahiti
> What kind of service should customers get?
> a) quick
> b) friendly
> c) professional
> d) all of the above
incomprehensible, greasy, and fear-inducing
> One way to give customers personal attention is to:
> a) only accept credit cards
> b) ignore them
> c) call them by name
> d) talk to two customers at once
encourage them to join you in the booth
--
Dave Decot
decot@hpda.hp.com
--
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So many people use "joke" or "submission" like I was expecting something else?