[rec.humor.funny] Saddam's Concert Tour

shafe@leland.stanford.edu (Mathew Shafe) (06/06/91)

A condensed version is also available upon request.

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Concert Report:  Saddam Hussein - Mideast Tour

              "The Mother of All Tours"

June 15, 1990       Baghdad
August 2            Kuwait City
August 15           Riyadh                  <CANCELLED>
August 30           Dharan                  <CANCELLED>
September 15        Mecca and Jedda         <CANCELLED>
October 1           Bahrain                 <CANCELLED>
October 15          United Arab Emirates    <CANCELLED>
October 30          Oman                    <CANCELLED>
November 14         Tehran                  <CANCELLED>
November 25         Turkey (Thanksgiving)   <CANCELLED>
December 25         Bethlehem and Israel    <CANCELLED>

For those lucky enough to see this concert in Baghdad and Kuwait, this show
was a show nobody will ever forget.  For the hundreds of thousands camped out
to witness this concert, the 6-month wait (by far the longest ever) was
worth the ordeal and lived up to its name.  About every conceivable record
was broken as far as concerts go, even with the tour ending prematurely.

Replied concert goers:

 "They'll be cleaning up from this one for years!"
 "The best laser show I've seen!"
 "A little too heavy on the smoke."
 "Wow, man, like the ground shook!"
 "They will be writing books about this concert!  A real killer!"
 "Beats any 'Floyd' and 'Dead' concert I've been to!"

The Kuwait City concert was unprecidented:  noise complaints were
registered from thousands of miles away - even the U.N. complained!
In an interview, Saddam Hussein replied, "I was born to be Iraq's Star."
Asked about the mass migration of Kurds to Turkey and Iran, Saddam reasoned
that they must be unaware of the tour's cancellation and should all go home.
He promised them concert T-shirts as a token consillation.

The remainder of the tour was cancelled because of various complications.  For
example, Saddam Hussein's roadies left after the Kuwait City gig and never
returned with the instruments.  A new crew is forming for a later
tour, but the multi-billions invested in instruments and special effects
is a significant loss.  Many of the road crew members were arrested by the
500,000+ police force.

The B-52's showed up outside Baghdad and were a hit.  U-2's were also
nearby with their new release, "War".  Obviously, timing was bad for
this tour.

The group's managment, "Megadeth", had no previous management experience.
They even forgot to arrange food catering service for the crew.

Saddam's stunning videos seen by the entire world were also dissapointing.
First, the video where dressed-up Saddam is shown with children on his lap
was targeted for an audience much too young - many parents demanded warning
labels.  Other videos featuring bruised men were simply too weird and even
censored by some organizations.

Saddam's opening band, "New Kids on the Block" was also a poor choice:
they went around igniting wells with vodka and trashing hotels.  Alcoholic
beverages are strictly forbidden in the Moslem religon.

Police arrested tens of thousands and used deadly force to supress the crowds.
Replied a promoter, "I think the 500,000+ police force was entirely
unecessary.  They killed and beat people.  They are a big part of the
reason why the tour was cancelled."

It is rumored that Saddam will get Mummar Khaddafy to play openings on the
next tour.  No date has been set yet because band mebers are still recovering
from hangovers.

---shafe@leland.stanford.edu
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