wanttaja@ssc-vax.UUCP (Ronald J Wanttaja) (01/05/85)
Many solutions have been offered to the left lane hogging problem. However, I now submit a step-by-step guide to configuring your automobile to meet the threat. The basic component is the "Rocket, HE, 66MM Antitank, M72A2", commonly called the Light Antitank Weapon, or LAW. This nifty little device has been featured in most Vietnam movies, and played a major role in Clint Eastwood's, "The Enforcer." The weapon, in its ready state, is about 30 inches long, and 2 3/4 inches in diameter. It fires a 66 MM antitank rocket; actually, the rocket won't work so well against a tank, but is just dandy against semi- soft targets like buildings and 71 Oldsmobiles. You may purchase a LAW via an advertisement in "Soldier or Fortune" magazine... look for the ad that says, "Be a Mercenary... or just look like one." The main component needed are: 1. A LAW 2. A windshield wiper motor from a '73 Toyota pickup 3. A Choke cable from an old VW (Manual choke cable) 4. Various items like 2X4s, large hose clamps, aluminum foil, plastic trash bags, etc (explainned in text) The LAW, when you first receive it, looks like just a two-foot long tube, but must be extended for use. Remove the pin from the circular cap at the rear of the tube (look for the decal at the top reading, "Danger- Blast Area"). Flip this cap off the end, and flip the cap off the front end (they are attached by a metal strap on the bottom of the tube). Next, grasp the rear sight housing (the box that has the decal) in your left hand, and a corresponding area on the other end with your right. Jerk your hands apart, and the tube will extend and lock. Ensure it is locked by trying to collapse it. The main problem with mounting the LAW to your car is that you can't attach anything directly to the tube; it would interfere with the firing of the missile. You can get around this using 2X4s and large hose clamps (get the large hose clamps from industrial supply houses). Place two 2X4s along either side of the bulge on the upper side of the tube, and use the hose clamps to hold them in place. This givesyou a structure that can be mounted to the car. You may find it desireable to remove the two pop-up sights, just to make mounting easier. As the rocket is sensitive to dust and moisture with the end caps off, use aluminum foil and rubber bands to cover the ends of the tube. The interface between the outer tube and the slide out section is also vulnerable, so use a bit of plastic trash bag and duct tape to protect it. FOR GOSH SAKES, keep the plastic well separated from the end of the tube, as this is the rocket exhaust and there is nothing more incriminating than leaving a trail of smouldering plastic after you've fired. Mount the tube assembly under the front end of your car. Technically speaking, it would work better on the hood, but it attracts attention and the rocket exhaust ruins the paint. Don't forget to mount it with the front end pointing up a bit; otherwise the rocket will hit the ground early and just skip along the concrete. This greatly increases range, but plays hob with accuracy. Use the VW choke cable to allow activating the safety from the driver's seat. The safety is a flimsy piece of metal mounted about halfway along the top, and must be pulled forward to allow firing. Mount the windshield wiper motor, with a stub of a wiper arm still attached, on one of the 2X4 supports, rigged to press down on the firing key when power is applied. Use a small flashlight slipped down the tube to boresight your installation. Park about 50 feet behind another car, and sit in the driver's seat. Have a friend place small drops of white paint on the inside of your windshield at points corresponding to the sides of the car ahead, while you have your head pressed back against the headrest. Mount the arming knob at any convienient location, but the switch that applies power to the wiper motor that fires the rocket must be accessible from the "head back" position. Don't wory about camoflaging the installation, a couple day's road grime will do nicely. In service, do not arm the rocket until nearly ready to fire. It is not recommended that you fire from directly behind, as you may end up just slamming into the wreckage. Instead, ease one lane to the right, then start changing lanes back to the left. When the right front tire of the target is between the two white dots, fire! If performed correctly, the rocket should impact near the tire. The force of the explosion will knock the front of the target to the left, sending him off the road on the left shoulder. The probable loss of the right tire will prevent him from going too far to the left and crossing the median. We wouldn't want anybody to get hurt. Ron Wanttaja Oh, and by the way, :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) (For those who try to take this seriously)