ted@imsvax.UUCP (01/18/86)
Any list of candidates for worst car of all time should include the following: 1. The Triumph Stag, whose camshafts used to warp out of a blue sky. The sign in the shop at Foreign Imports of Arlington Va. used to read "Swagger up to a Stag... and stagger away". The mechanics used to draw straws to see who had to work on a stag when one was dragged in. No kidding. The kindest thing I ever heard a mechanic say about a Stag was "only the British could make a v-8 run slow...". 2. The Rover 3500S which one American car magazine called simply the worst car they had ever seen or heard about. Leyland used to have a policy of cutting off dealers who refused to handle a particular car, such as the Stag or 3500S. In the case of those two, however, All of the Leyland dealers in America banded together and told Leyland enough was enough. The British have subsequently given up nearly all efforts to sell cars in the USA. 3. The Saab 99E, the first four-stroke Saab. When ordered to produce a car with a four-stroke engine, the people at Saab took an engine which had been used to pump water out of coal mines, and the rest is history. Saab used to refuse something like 70% of all claims for guarantee work from dealers, and Saab dealerships used to change hands on a fairly regular basis; the typical American businessman (dealer) could only take dealing with those suckers for so long. Swedes advertise safety features for Saabs and Volvos, but mostly neglect to advertise their best safety feature: the fact that they generally don't run and that one can only hurt himself so badly sitting under a tree somewhere in a parked car. 4. Every car ever made by Volvo, for sheer, unbelievable ugliness. It is very obvious to me that Volvo got the design for their more recent cars by sending sketch artists to New York harbor for several days to sketch tugboats. Their theme song should be: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, just buy an ugly car for your wife...." or some- thing like that. 5. The AMC Gremlin, a total aerodynamic disaster, probably named for the "gremlins" which were so fond of picking up the car and its occupants and slamming them into guard rails and retaining walls, given the slightest crosswind. 6. All of the cars produced by Chrysler in the 60's with the non- controllable power steering and brakes.