llf@Princeton.EDU (09/14/88)
There are very few pieces of advice in this area that do not apply to both men
and women, minorities and whites. Poor management exists everywhere, (as does
good management) and can be a lot more damaging than a good but racist or sexist
manager. A lot of organizations say "your career is your responsibility", but
they seldom point out that getting support from your manager for your career
goals are part of that responsibility.
Some of the best advice I've learned:
1 This is between you and your manager. Do NOT bring up co-workers in the
negotiation unless you have a specific problem with them that you need
your manager's help to resolve. Management is usually reluctant to discuss
other people with you, especially if there is no specific problem.
2 Know what you want and how you want it. This is your career, and you are
responsible it. Too many people go in to talk to their managers saying "well,
I'll talk to him/her about x and see what happens." Spend the necessary time
(frequently days or weeks, in my case) thinking your career through before
talking to your management.
3 Go to the negotiation prepared.
- documentation - including work done, dates met, conversations, opportunities
available, corporate programs, etc.
- getting the facts - know what your environment is about, what others are doing
and what the potential paths are
- identify your goals - go into the discussion with a clear list of goals, what
you want, what you'll settle for, and what's unacceptable,
realistically, both long range and short range
- know the potential consequences of getting each of the above goals
- have potential solutions identified for each possible outcome of the negotiation
- know your own worth - know how much you've accomplished, what you can do for
your manager and organization, and why they need you
It is important to know the motivation behind your goals, if a solution
is unacceptable to you know why, and know the consequences. All kinds of
things crop up in peoples' motivations: survival, revenge, publicity, honor,
pride, fear, money, ....
Once you have agreed on a common goal, identify solutions that you and your
manager can implement to achieve your various goals. Make sure that you come
out with a list of committments from both sides, dates, specific measurables,
and anything else you may need to fee comfortable. Sometimes that means a
signed agreement between you and your manager, which may be hard to get.
4 Be aware. Don't let things deteriorate to the point where your back is up against
a wall. Small steps to improve are easier to negotiate and implement. Letting
things go too far is often a learned behavior in women and minorities. I hear
excuses like "well, they didn't mean it", "it HAS to get better", "I must have done
something wrong", and "this can't be happening to me".
5 All members of a team should carry their portion of the grunt work. If this is
not happening, examine why, develop ideas for solutions, then talk to your
manager. How you approach your manager depends on your relationship with that
person, as well as you own personal requirements. (Frequently the grunt work
is carried out by all members of a team, but one group gets the same kind of
grunt work all the time, which can be equally damaging.)
>I'm asking my question quite seriously, however. Can a male manager
>hear a woman saying that the allocation of tasks is unfair and *really*
>hear her as an individual, and *really* listen to what she has to say? ....
>..., what is it, by which a woman can negotiate an unfair situation
>with a man and do so successfully, successfully meaning that not only is
>the situation changed, but changed without rancor, without turning the
>manager (and whoever else) against her, without subsequently creating a
>bad work environment.
(I assume that the poor manager can be male or female, it usually doesn't matter.)
If your issue is getting a good job assignment, then leave the topic
of "fairness" or "discrimination" out of the negotiation. If you are interested
in "fairness" or getting your boss to admit presonal prejudice, which is a harder
topic, then you should by going in with a different agenda and different
preparation. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try for reform, but you should
be aware of the choices you are making.
Some effective, but sometimes dangerous advice:
1 Phrases such as "may I please", "perhaps", "possibly" all weaken your position.
I find that on rare occasions, a controlled rage helps. ("Damnit! I'm not a
rug! I EARNED this award/raise/grade/assignment and I'm collecting!") If you
don't know the difference between assertive, agressive, and passive, learn it
and practice it.
2 Set yourself up in a position of power, make yourself indispensible, etc.
Often, you can make it to their advantage to change. The old cliche "a carrot
works better than a stick" holds true.
3 Organize a support group and make it public. The risk here is that you WILL
encounter resistance, disbelief, and hostility. People will discount you saying
"Well, that's just her opinion. She doesn't represent that group." Or they
will try to divide the group to reduce its effectiveness. Make sure you are
reasonable, professional, and that when you say something, there is someone
to back you up. Active AA work in an environment that needs it is time consuming,
usually generates victims and martyrs, hard feelings, etc., and takes several
years to get results, but can be quite effective.
4 If previous negotiations with your manager have not worked out, confront him/her
or go talk to your next level of management. Be professional, be prepared, and
don't let them brush you of with platitudes. Also, be aware of the "if you don't
like it, leave" line and other forms of manipulation that poor managers use.
(I once heard "if you don't like working unpaid overtime, you shouldn't be a
professional, go join a union" line, which left my jaw dragging.)
4 If your work environment is so terrible to you that it is not worth changing,
or, in spite of your best efforts, cannot be resolved, get out. You will do
yourself a favor by getting your career back on track somewhere else. Make
sure you let the right levels of management know WHY you are leaving, and what
they lose in terms of work and expertise. Also, be careful that you are not
burning bridges that you will later regret.
Watch out for stereotypes. Positive stereotypes hurt a group as much as negative
ones. All women are more social (so let them organize the party), all orientals are
technically competent (so if one's only average ....), all men are sexists .....
Don't assume that a poor manager is automatically sexist or racist, or doesn't want
to be a good one. Don't assume that a male manager is sexist, or that a female
manager isn't sexist.
Lynda
*** Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy! ***llf@Princeton.EDU (09/14/88)
There are very few pieces of advice in this area that do not apply to both men
and women, minorities and whites. Poor management exists everywhere, (as does
good management) and can be a lot more damaging than a good but racist or sexist
manager. A lot of organizations say "your career is your responsibility", but
they seldom point out that getting support from your manager for your career
goals are part of that responsibility.
Some of the best advice I've learned:
1 This is between you and your manager. Do NOT bring up co-workers in the
negotiation unless you have a specific problem with them that you need
your manager's help to resolve. Management is usually reluctant to discuss
other people with you, especially if there is no specific problem.
2 Know what you want and how you want it. This is your career, and you are
responsible it. Too many people go in to talk to their managers saying "well,
I'll talk to him/her about x and see what happens." Spend the necessary time
(frequently days or weeks, in my case) thinking your career through before
talking to your management.
3 Go to the negotiation prepared.
- documentation - including work done, dates met, conversations, opportunities
available, corporate programs, etc.
- getting the facts - know what your environment is about, what others are doing
and what the potential paths are
- identify your goals - go into the discussion with a clear list of goals, what
you want, what you'll settle for, and what's unacceptable,
realistically, both long range and short range
- know the potential consequences of getting each of the above goals
- have potential solutions identified for each possible outcome of the negotiation
- know your own worth - know how much you've accomplished, what you can do for
your manager and organization, and why they need you
It is important to know the motivation behind your goals, if a solution
is unacceptable to you know why, and know the consequences. All kinds of
things crop up in peoples' motivations: survival, revenge, publicity, honor,
pride, fear, money, ....
Once you have agreed on a common goal, identify solutions that you and your
manager can implement to achieve your various goals. Make sure that you come
out with a list of committments from both sides, dates, specific measurables,
and anything else you may need to fee comfortable. Sometimes that means a
signed agreement between you and your manager, which may be hard to get.
4 Be aware. Don't let things deteriorate to the point where your back is up against
a wall. Small steps to improve are easier to negotiate and implement. Letting
things go too far is often a learned behavior in women and minorities. I hear
excuses like "well, they didn't mean it", "it HAS to get better", "I must have done
something wrong", and "this can't be happening to me".
5 All members of a team should carry their portion of the grunt work. If this is
not happening, examine why, develop ideas for solutions, then talk to your
manager. How you approach your manager depends on your relationship with that
person, as well as you own personal requirements. (Frequently the grunt work
is carried out by all members of a team, but one group gets the same kind of
grunt work all the time, which can be equally damaging.)
>I'm asking my question quite seriously, however. Can a male manager
>hear a woman saying that the allocation of tasks is unfair and *really*
>hear her as an individual, and *really* listen to what she has to say? ....
>..., what is it, by which a woman can negotiate an unfair situation
>with a man and do so successfully, successfully meaning that not only is
>the situation changed, but changed without rancor, without turning the
>manager (and whoever else) against her, without subsequently creating a
>bad work environment.
(I assume that the poor manager can be male or female, it usually doesn't matter.)
If your issue is getting a good job assignment, then leave the topic
of "fairness" or "discrimination" out of the negotiation. If you are interested
in "fairness" or getting your boss to admit presonal prejudice, which is a harder
topic, then you should by going in with a different agenda and different
preparation. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try for reform, but you should
be aware of the choices you are making.
Some effective, but sometimes dangerous advice:
1 Phrases such as "may I please", "perhaps", "possibly" all weaken your position.
I find that on rare occasions, a controlled rage helps. ("Damnit! I'm not a
rug! I EARNED this award/raise/grade/assignment and I'm collecting!") If you
don't know the difference between assertive, agressive, and passive, learn it
and practice it.
2 Set yourself up in a position of power, make yourself indispensible, etc.
Often, you can make it to their advantage to change. The old cliche "a carrot
works better than a stick" holds true.
3 Organize a support group and make it public. The risk here is that you WILL
encounter resistance, disbelief, and hostility. People will discount you saying
"Well, that's just her opinion. She doesn't represent that group." Or they
will try to divide the group to reduce its effectiveness. Make sure you are
reasonable, professional, and that when you say something, there is someone
to back you up. Active AA work in an environment that needs it is time consuming,
usually generates victims and martyrs, hard feelings, etc., and takes several
years to get results, but can be quite effective.
4 If previous negotiations with your manager have not worked out, confront him/her
or go talk to your next level of management. Be professional, be prepared, and
don't let them brush you of with platitudes. Also, be aware of the "if you don't
like it, leave" line and other forms of manipulation that poor managers use.
(I once heard "if you don't like working unpaid overtime, you shouldn't be a
professional, go join a union" line, which left my jaw dragging.)
4 If your work environment is so terrible to you that it is not worth changing,
or, in spite of your best efforts, cannot be resolved, get out. You will do
yourself a favor by getting your career back on track somewhere else. Make
sure you let the right levels of management know WHY you are leaving, and what
they lose in terms of work and expertise. Also, be careful that you are not
burning bridges that you will later regret.
Watch out for stereotypes. Positive stereotypes hurt a group as much as negative
ones. All women are more social (so let them organize the party), all orientals are
technically competent (so if one's only average ....), all men are sexists .....
Don't assume that a poor manager is automatically sexist or racist, or doesn't want
to be a good one. Don't assume that a male manager is sexist, or that a female
manager isn't sexist.
Lynda
*** Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy! ***
---
*** Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy! ***