cjy (09/14/82)
With the advent of new microprocessors assaulting one, something must be done about the plethora of new assembler languages that constantly appear. Of course what is needed is a standard language. This language must be the total embodiment of all microprocessors and as such have almost universal application. Until recently, the computing community was incapable of such a language. That was the case until BETCO ( Bozo ElecTronics COmpany ) announced its 688080 microprocessor. Before we examine the assembler language itself, a few words must be said about the unique hardware features. The pins on the processor itself are both male and female pins which allow processor stacking for obscene board configurations. The memory chips are the most advanced and are almost indestructible with static discharge. Using the highly proprietary method of BMOS ( Blown MOS ) fabrication, BETCO is able to achieve a chip that cannot be further deteriorated by handling. Creativity abounds in the way that BETCO supplies support chips for this processor. Instead of the dull dual in line package, devices are packaged in the round, half round, rectangular, and long rectangular shapes. Thus board layouts showing your initials, expressions such as keep out, or expletives are possible. 688080 ASSEMBLER LANGUAGE AAC Alter all commands AAR Alter at random AB Add backwards AFVC Add Finagle's variable constant AIB Attack innocent bystander AWTT Assemble with tinker toys BAC Branch to Alpha Centauri BAF Blow all fuses BCIL Branch creating infinite loop BDC Break down and cry BF Belch five times BDT Burn data tree ( after decorate data tree ) BW Branch on when CBNC Close but no cigar CH Create havoc CMD Compare meaningless data CML Compute meaning of life CNB Cause nervous breakdown COLB Crash for operator's lunch break CRASH Continue running after stop or halt CS Crash system CSL Curse and swear loudly CVG Convert to garbage DBZ Divide by zero DDC Daily during calculations DMPE Decide to major in Phys. Ed. DOC Drive operator crazy DLN Don't look now....... DPMI Declare programmer mentally incompetent DPR Destroy program DTC Destroy this command DTVFL Destroy third variable from left DW Destroy work ECO Electrocute computer operator EIAO Execute in any order ENF Emit noxious fumes EP Execute programmer FLI Flash lights impressively FSM Fold, spindle, and mutilate GCAR Get correct answer regardless GDP Grin defiantly at programmer HCF Halt and catch fire HCP Hide central processor ( virtual processor like Virt. Mem. ) ISC Insert sarcastic comments JTZ Jump to the twilight zone LAP Laugh at programmer LPA Lead programmer astray MAZ Multiply answer by zero MW Malfunction whenever MWT Malfunction without telling OML Obey Murphy's Law PEHC Punch extra holes in cards PNRP Print nasty replies to programmer RA Randomize answer RCB Read commands backwards RDA Refuse to disclose answer RLI Rotate left indefinitely RPM Read programmer's mind RRSG Round and round she goes...... SAI Skip all instructions SCCA Short circuit on correct answer SFH Set flags to half mast SFT Stall for time SOS Sign off, stupid SRDR Shift right double ridiculous TARC Take arithmetic review course TLO Turn indicator lights off TN Take a nap TPDH Tell programmer to do it him/herself TTA Try, try again UP Understand program WSWW Work in strange and wondrous ways ( Most of the foregoing was taken from an article in the Michigan Technic )