SX43%LIVERPOOL.AC.UK@EVANS.UCAR.EDU (11/13/90)
This article takes a simultaneously serious and funny look at the
current Gulf fiasco and related matters.
Title : 'MuslimWise Ten-Point Peace Plan for the Gulf in Crisis'
Source : MuslimWise magazine (August 1990).
Contact: BM MuslimWise,
London WC1N 3XX
England, UK.
Telephone : 081-902-5968/6074 (England)
[ Reprinted here *with* permission. ]
The *MuslimWise* Ten-Point Peace Plan for the Gulf in Crisis
============================================================
The formula for peace you probably wont see on the international agenda. Peace
will only come to the Gulf if :
1) Someone buys George Bush a "Golf : the Nick Faldo way" video: his swing look
s terribly stiff and slow. It took the Commander-in-Chief of the United States
Armed Forces more than three months to respond to Iraq's invasion of Kuwait des
pite knowing what was being planned.
2) All British newspaper writers and television commentators on the "Middle Eas
t" are given 40 snorts each of made-in-Iraq nerve gas to jog their memories on
the "professional and objective manner" in which they supported Saddam Hussein
in the war against the Islamic Republic of Iran.
3) All Arab leaders are similarly exposed to the product Saddam Jussein has man
ufactured with their money. But before that they should all be given 40 lashes
just for being so stupid.
4) All Muslims wanting to go to Saudi Arabia are to be accorded the same respec
t and friendliness as given to US marines - they should fill the same immugrati
on forms as filled in by the GIs. Muslim women should also be accorded the same
rights. From now on they should be allowd to travel into the country alone so
long as they have a gun for a *muhrim*.
5). Saudi Arabia stops sending funds to all "Dawah" organisations in the Unite
d Stated and instead use them to convert the 82nd airborne battalion in Riyadh
and Dhahran.
6). An international committee is formed immediately to discuss where King Huss
ein of Jordan will fo into exile. Should he join his wife and children (already
in England) or go to the US where he can get a "Green Card" courtesy of Ms Noo
r (ie his present Queen) ?
7). Islamia Primary School is granted voluntary-aided status forthwith.
8). A multi-national Muslim force is formed to make sure that meetings among mu
slims are conducted in an acceptable manner. The primary aim of the force will
be to guarantee that sensless time-wasting, holier than thou monologues are cut
to the barest minimum. Also it must be able to deny access to Ba'athist diplom
ats with broken noses from reading some of the most mendacious statements ever
issued by an Arab leader since the CIA was invented !
9). All assets in the West belonging to Kuwait to be returned to the Sabah fami
ly who should then use it to buy themselves a country. The international commun
ity should suggest Uganda as the new Kuwaiti homeland as it did to the Jews fif
ty years ago. Ex-President Idi Amin (presently in Riyadh/Jeddah) could be consu
lted on the feasibility of such a move.
10). A part of Kuwait is named after Perez de Cuellar, the UN Secretary General
, who always brings peace to wars Saddam Hussein starts.