RIORDAN.MALER@BIONET-20.ARPA (04/05/88)
From: TOM MALER <RIORDAN.MALER@BIONET-20.ARPA> Here is a reply to the message we received from the Soviet Space Station Cosmonauts on April 1st. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Gentlemen Greetings!! I am replying to your friendly message from space. I would like to address some of your remarks, but first of all I hope you do not mind being called Gentlemen. I know it's a bit old-fashioned and imperialistic, but I am so ingrained in my old ways, that I'd even risk offending you by calling you Gentlemen rather than Comrades. It is somewhat like your opening message addressed to Comrades. I know there are a few comrades in this part of the world even amongst the scientific community, but they are far and few in-between and I certainly do not know any. I was very surprised to hear that cosmonaut Leonid Garagin has the third order of Stalin, second class. I did not realize that Stalin must have been promoted recently in your country. I hope you can pardon my ignorance on these matters. It seems that our press is preoccupied with unimportant matters such as US presidential elections and probably put the great news of Stalin's rehabilitation somewhere on the back pages in the paper. It is even conceivable that the truth was either distorted or completely ignored. I bet that such shameful events can only take place in out capitalist society. In regard to your comment about the computers. I think that it may be somewhat difficult for us in the US or Canada to donate VAXes or CRAY's, however I have a used Commodore Vic-20 in my basement that I would be willing to donate to your wonderful country in order to further the advancement of science of Molecular Biology in the USSR. I am not in a position to comments about Calvin Klein jeans, since I am too old- fashioned (as I already mentioned) and I only wear Lee, Lewis or GWG jeans and therefore do not know anything about Calvin Klein jeans. To be honest, you are better informed about the sequencing of Mr. Reagan's genome than I am. If it is indeed planned to do that, I hope that the sequencing project goes very quickly, since after the election the new president may put a freeze on "such a large and foolish project" and the mysteries of Mr. Reagan's genome may forever remain unlocked. Too bad the planning committee for that project did not consult me earlier. They are not aware that there is a brilliant scientist in the US who could not only sequence the aforementioned genome, but who could also clone a leader of a country from his nose. The scientist's name is Dr. W. Allen, he resides in N.Y. city and he his a world authority on such matters. I am sure he would be delighted to come to your country to give a lecture, should the need arise. So good-bye for now and I hope to hear from you again soon. Sincerely Thomas Maler ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please send this on to the Soviets. -------