glenn@cs.sfu.ca (10/20/90)
What???????
A *****RECIPE***** for Chili!!???!!?
That's absolute sacrilege!!
(I'll try to ignore the fact that you even mentioned using
a Chili Mix (?) )
You asked for suggestions for components, so I'll start from
scratch. (Don't be offended if some of the ingredients are
obvious and didn't need mentioning)
Ingredients:
Absolutely necessary stuff:
first of all, you have to start with a ROUX, if you don't know
what that is, don't bother because you'll screw it up
(HINT: ask someone from the Deep South or from France)
Lotso' beans, preferably red kidney beans
some meat, whatever kind you feel like or happen to have in your
refrigerator (usually I use hamburger because I'm a
poor student, but cubed chuck or round steak is yummy)
(Of course, this should be precooked)
Note this doesn't have to be beef, (ie chicken works,
but fish is a no no.)
tomato sauce, however much you want, depending on how runny you
like you chili
a few BULBS of garlic (not cloves, BULBS), you should be able to
smell the garlic coming out of your pores when
you sweat the next day. Usually I just peel the
cloves, chop 'em up a bit, and through them in.
lotso' Mexican chili powder, this is the stuff that's usually
kinda burgundy coloured, it's not overwhelmingly hot
and it has lots of taste. Beware of ground red
peppers, which are sometimes sold under the name
"chili powder", which are extremely hot, without much
taste
onions, enough so that your neighbours are crying when you've
finished dicing them
beer, see methodology, below
And now, the lesser spices:
It is helpful if you have a rotating spice rack to
introduce an element of randomness into your spice
selection. Otherwise, a young child may be used.
put in some of each of the green spices.
judge amounts by smell
If you have them in stock:
cilantro is nice when fresh
oregano is semi-crucial
basil is yummy
thyme is indispensible
sage is wise
rosemary is next to irrelevant
cumin is for people trapped in Germany
parsley is normally just a decoration, but
is actually edible
you may also add another other spice on the rack
which smells applicable
(ie. no ginger)
Optional veggies:
anything that has the word "pepper" in its name
ie. green bell peppers, Anaheim peppers, banana
peppers, jalapeno peppers, red bell peppers,
saltin peppers
Methodology:
1) Buy a case of beer (or a flat, depending on local slang)
2) Chill the beer
3) Invite several friends over (to cut onions, neighbours
aren't permitted, as they are required to test when
enough onions have been cut)
4a) Open some beer, at least one per person
4b) Get out a BIG pot, (BIG is more important than CLEAN)
and an old wooden spoon, both preferably obtained
at a garage sale, and not washed
If you know what a ROUX is then
5a) Start with the ROUX, then open more beer
else
5b) Open more beer
6) Add tomato sauce, beans and contents of currently active
beer to the not necessarily clean pot
7) Open more beer
8) Add the meat (not fish) that you browned in step 3b. above
9) Add the remainder of the absolutely necessary stuff
9b) Taste it
10) Let pot slowly simmer until there's no beer left
10b) Taste it
10c) After accidentally boiling over, reduce heat
10d) Homogenize chili after scraping burnt on crap of the
bottom of the pot
10e) Scrap boiled over gunk off the top of the stove, and
return to pot
11) Send the most sober person to pick up MORE beer and to
find some of the lesser spices
(Note: someone may now be adequately primed to replace
the small child, for those of you without
rotating spice racks)
12) Add lesser spices, to smell (more beer may be required
for the cooks, as well as the pot), also add
optional veggies, if you have any
12b) Taste it
13) Let pot slowly simmer until there's no beer left
13b) Taste it
13c) If necessary, repeat steps 10 c,d and e, also
14) Since you're no longer hungry, either because you're
full from tasting, or can no longer hold food down,
put the pot in the fridge
(NOTE: the original pot must be used, to maximize
the shelfspace occupied in the fridge)
15) Eat as leftovers until the original pot is empty, or
until green fuzz appears inside the pot,
heating is optional
P.S. Add salt and pepper, if necessary.
P.P.S. Remember, precision is crucial.
P.P.P.S. If you're really sick, add a bottle of Cheez-whiz
to the absolutely necessary ingredients
P.P.P.P.S. Stock up on toilet paper, IN ADVANCE.
ENJOY