patth@dasys1.UUCP (Patt Haring) (12/27/87)
Welcome to NETWEAVER
The interactive, intersystem
newsletter of the
Electronic Networking Association
"Our purpose is to promote electronic networking in ways that
enrich individuals, enhance organizations, and build global
communities."
_______________________________________________________________
Volume 3, Number 12 December 1987
Copyright(c) by Electronic Networking Association (ENA), 1987
1 (of 8) Modified by ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:32 Eastern (3752
characters)
Welcome to NETWEAVER
The interactive, intersystem
newsletter of the
Electronic Networking Association
"Our purpose is to promote electronic networking in ways that
enrich individuals, enhance organizations, and build global
communities."
_______________________________________________________________
Volume 3, Number 12 December 1987
Copyright(c) by Electronic Networking Association (ENA), 1987
NETWEAVER is published electronically on Networking and
World Information (NWI), 333 East River Drive, East Hartford,
CT, 06108 (1-800-624-5916) using Participate (R) sofware from
Network Technologies International, Inc. (NETI), Ann Arbor, MI.
Managing Editor: Lisa Carlson
Contributing Editors: Mike Blaszczak
Al Martin
Stan Pokras
George Por
Peg Rossing
Tom Sherman
Philip Siddons
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
NETWEAVER is available via NewsNet, the world's leading
vendor of full-text business and professional newsletters
online. Read, Search or Scan all issues of NETWEAVER as TE55
in NewsNet's Telecommunications industry category. For access
details call 800-345-1301. In PA or outside the U.S., call
215-527-8030.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
We *welcome* anyone interested in joining the Netweaver staff!
The deadline for articles for the next issue is
the 15th of the month.
KUDOS to the "porters," unsung heroes of the Network Nation!
One of them has brought this issue to you.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Volume 3, Number 12 ---CONTENTS--- December 1987
1 Masthead and Index
2 ENA UPDATE ................................ by Lisa Carlson
(3051 char)
Call for proposals for ENA's next face-to-face
conference: Beyond E-Mail - People and Organizations
at work in a Global Economy to be held May 12-15,
1988, in Philadelphia, PA.
3 BRIDGING THE DEAF AND HEARING WORLDS ......... Trent Batson
(6650 char)
Computer networks are being applied to the teaching
of language for deaf students at Gallaudet University.
The ENFI Project will be expanded thanks to an ADAPSO
grant.
4 SHARE-RIGHT ............................... by Kevin Kelly
(3493 char)
A new way of thinking about copyrights online for
ported materials is discovered. Readers are asked
for feedback about this approach.
5 DEAR FCC ................................ by Susanna Opper
(8850 char)
Susanna Opper's letter to the FCC on the access
charge issue.
6 ONLINE NETWORKING BY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES .............
by Frank Burns
(4518 char)
Description of the application of electronic
networks to presidentail campaigns including
networking staff, electronic town meetings, and
electrinc think tanks.
7 THE EVENING BEFORE CHRISTMAS ........... by Philip Siddons
(7978 char)
A seasonal bedtime story.
8 MEMBERSHIP FORM
2 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:10 Eastern (3051 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 2 December 1987
ENA Update
by Lisa Carlson
BEYOND E-MAIL
People and Organizations at Work in a Global Economy
May 12-15, 1988
Philadelphia, PA, USA
ENA's next f-t-f conference is going to be very exciting! It
will cover the full range of issue and opportunities related to
electronic networking. Topics featured at this conference will
include:
* computer-supported coorperative work
* international access issues
* economics of interactive communications
* applications for productivity improvement, planning, and
management
* electronic journalism
* distance education
* integration of electronic networking with related technolgies
e.g. interactive video, graphics, hypertext, desktop
publishing, and CD-ROM
* technological literacy
* electronic democracy
* managing and facilitating electronic networks
* alternative systems for information delivery and access
* networking for special populations
* network products and markets
* social, political and ethical implications of new technology
* the current and future state-of-the art of the technology
* and more!
This will be an *interactive* as well as informative
conference. In addition to panels and featured speakers, we
will have working sessions, rountables, hands-on
demonstrations, and workshops.
We will also USE THE TECHNOLOGY ourselves before, during, and
after the f-t-f conference to extend its value to participants.
Call for Proposals
==================
You are invited to submit proposals for sessions (250 words
maximum) by January 15, 1988. Your proposal should include a
description of your topic, the format (workshop, panel, ongoing
demonstration, ...), resources required (e.g. equipment) and
how you plan to access them (bring them, get them donated,
borrow them, or whatever), and something about yourself and any
co-presenters.
We have a good conference planning team and you are welcome to
join us. I will be serving as the "program chair" for the
conference.
You can submit your proposal to me electronically as follows:
NWI (lisa carlson)
TWICS (lisa carlson)
The Well (lcarlson)
EIES (555)
The Source (lisa carlson in Parti or BBV260 in SourceMail)
Unison (lisa)
CompuServe (73156,2340)
dcmeta
Eden
The Capitol Connection
DASNET
You can also have your proposal "relayed" through the porter
who brings you NETWEAVER every month.
Since we will be reviewing all proposals online, we need to be
able to upload your material. If you would like to submit your
proposal by mail, please send a disk with text file readable by
either IBM-compatible or Macintosh to:
Lisa Carlson
ENA Conference Program Chair
Metasystems Design Group, Suite 103
2000 North 15th Street
Arlington, VA, USA
(703) 243-6622
We're looking forward to hearing from *you*!
3 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:11 Eastern (6650 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 3 December 1987
Bridging the Deaf and Hearing Worlds
by Trent Batson
The Melting Pot
===============
I think that probably the greatest achievement of American
society is not taming the wilderness but taming our diversity.
No other country has had to assimilate the wild array of
peoples as we have. We called ourselves "the melting pot" in
the nineteenth century and Heinz food products fit right in by
stressing its 57 varieties, a kind of analogy to American
society.
The sine qua non of assimilation was to learn to speak
English. And, the sine qua non of success in America today is
to be able to write and read English skillfully and fluently.
A recent study at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf
in Rochester, New York showed that career advancement for deaf
graduates correlated directly with skill in English regardless
of the career field and regardless of how skilled the person
might be in a technical field.
The "English Problem"
=====================
Yet, as we all know who have spent some time in deaf education,
deaf people generally have difficulty in developing skill and
fluency in English. English is first and foremost a spoken
language, the written form trailing along like a caboose.
People learn English by first learning to speak it because
that's how you can engage in a lively exchange with a native
user of the language. You can get constant feedback and
therefore gradually be brought into the linguistic community.
If you can't hear the spoken form, however, you have a much
harder row to hoe. Feedback in writing has always been so slow
that learning, far from lively, is laborious and, worst of all,
boring.
Americans with normal hearing grow up literally bathed in
conversation. They are inundated in spoken English almost from
the moment of conception, so that they come to believe English
language is inherent, something they come bundled with.
A deaf child misses out almost entirely on the spoken language
"bath," so she may never achieve this inner sense of English.
Her parents would almost certainly have normal hearing so they
would most likely be caught off-guard, as are most hearing
parents, when they begin to suspect their child has a hearing
problem.
Behind the English Eight-Ball
=============================
Few parents deal with the fact of deafness very well or quickly
enough. Often, deaf children miss months or even years of any
meaningful linguistic interaction either in speech or in sign.
They are behind the English eight ball right from the start of
life.
They then spend the rest of their lives playing catchup; but,
of course, they can't catch up because all the time they are
laboriously studying English in the classroom, their hearing
peers not only benefit form the classroom study of English but
also from their continuing total immersion in a broadband
English culture -- participatory conversation, overheard
conversation, radio, television, musical lyrics and so on. The
world of the hearing child is a world of all the varieties of
English; deaf children are mere tourists in that world.
Computer Networks: The Equalizer
================================
How do we overcome this problem and provide the same equal
access to success that we try to offer all people in America?
Well, as you might guess, I think computer networks can help.
The computer is nothing if not an infinitely malleable medium.
It ahs been called "the ultimate medium" because it can accept
input in almost any form and present it in almost any form. In
other words, it is the king of media because it can control and
manipulate other media.
For a deaf person, then, computers offer relief from a culture
dominated by the spoken word. The power of radio, the
telephone, and even television to keep us in the sway of sound
may be offset by computer networks, which tend to work
visually. The spread of computers in society, therefore, is
the best news deaf people have had since silent movies
premiered at the beginning of the century (only to turn traitor
in 1929 when they joined the enemy camp by becoming "talkies.").
Gallaudet's ENFI Project
========================
Gallaudet University, which is the world center of education
and research into deafness, and the chief reason why deaf
people in the United States can aspire to be first-class
citizens while those in many other countries can't, has taken
the lead in using computer networks to directly confront the
"English problem." The ENFI Project (English Natural Form
Instruction) has caught the attention of the nation because it
turns a technology that already permeates our culture to an
extraordinarily inventive and hopeful new use: it allows deaf
people, for the first time ever in history, to actively and
freely engage in group conversation in a spoken language -- in
our case, English.
That's a stunning breakthrough. And it wasn't possible until
computer networks were widely available to support such a group
written conversation.
For hackers, a "deluxe chat" program supporting conversation is
fun; for deaf people, it's the royal road to linguistic
equality. This kind of application offers hope that all deaf
people may be able to overcome their own particular barrier --
limited access to interactive English -- and function easily
and freely in our society.
The Universal Hearing Aid
=========================
I described ENFI to a colleague of mine at Carnegie Mellon
University in Pittsburgh. After hearing how deaf people and
hearing people can now communicate using computers, he said,
"ah ha, finally a universal hearing aid."
ADAPSO, the computer software and services industry
association, has given the ENFI project a grant of both money
and expertise. Gallaudet has pioneered ENFI, has alerted the
world to its existence, and is overseeing its introduction into
the larger academic world. ADAPSO has graciously come forward
to serve as our partner to further develop the potential of
ENFI within the deaf world - to make the communication links in
our society more broadly accessible, or, in other words, to
create the universal hearing aid.
In effect, we're making our society barrier-free for deaf
people, so deaf people can "hear" us and so we can "hear"
them. Only in a free exchange can something as complex as a
language be transmitted and only computer networks work quickly
enough to support such a free linguistic exchange.
--------
Author's note: Dr. Trent Batson, Director of the ENFI Project,
can be reached at Gallaudet University, Washington, DC 20002.
(202) 651-5494.
4 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:14 Eastern (3493 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 4 December 1987
(S) SHARE-RIGHT
by Kevin Kelly
You may reproduce this material if your recipients may also
reproduce it.
Sometime in the last year or so, announcements like the one
above were being attached to computer network messages. Unlike
communication in the public domain, which anyone can use for
whatever commercial purpose, share-right limits its benefits to
those willing to share the bounty in the same way they received
it. Users can take it only if they pass it on with the same
promise. As Jack Powers, one of the network riders, says, "I
like this idea of rights which travel together with the
merchandise." Although share-right was born on the networks, I
envision it taking root in other decentralized, highly
replicating communications, like xerox publishing, or tape
duplicating. Howard Rheingold, a host on The Well, calls it,
"a self-reproducing word virus that eats intellectual property."
As far as I know, the share-right concept first appeared at the
junction of USENET and Stargate, two network systems of
different politics. USENET, one of the most libertarian
networks running, distributes and redistributes messages in an
ad hoc style of complete non-ownership. You don't post
something in USENET without expecting it to be copied all over
the country, or the world. Stargate is a privately run network
which beams netnews into space by hitching the messages to an
unused area of information transmission in the "blink" between
screens on cable TV broadcasts. It would bounce news off a
satellite, down to distant pickup sites, and into local
computers again. I'll let Erik Fair, a USENET engineer, tell
the rest of the story:
"Stargate as originally envisioned was a cheap way to send
USENET news everywhere by true broadcast. Unfortunately, the
communication legalities were such that they could not claim to
be a common carrier (like telephone companies), and this led
directly into Stargate becoming a subscriber service instead
(like a publisher). Stargate has an agreement that prohibits
their subscribers from redistributing the articles they get
from Stargate because, of course, it would erode Stargate's
subscriber base if they did.
"Naturally, this caused a bit of a stink on the net, and the
result was the copyright notices which you see on some people's
articles. ("You can redistribute only if your recipients can"),
preventing Stargate from transmitting those articles unless
their subscribers can."
You, reader, are encouraged to duplicate this message, but only
if your readers may also duplicate it.
(S) Share-right 1987
--------
Editor's note: The idea of Share-right is interesting in view
of the philosophy behind the porting of NETWEAVER and other ENA
material around the world. NETWEAVER was the first regular
publication to be distributed systematically through porting.
The Share-right idea is among a number of new ways of thinking
about publication, copyright, and distribution evoked by this
new technology. Readers are encouraged to comment on the
implications and extensions of Share-right. Kevin Kelly is
Editor of the _Whole Earth Review_. I picked up this message in
the Winter '87 issue. The theme of the issue is SIGNALS and it
is full of material which will be of interest to NETWEAVER
readers. Subscriptions are $20 from Whole Earth Review, P.O.
Box 15187, Santa Ana, CA 92705-9913. - Lisa Carlson
5 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:17 Eastern (8550 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 5 December 1987
Dear FCC
by Susanna Opper
[editor's note: Susanna Opper was among the many networkers who
sent letters to the FCC last October to protest the proposed
change in rate structers for packet networks. The outcome of
the proposal is still in doubt. We asked Susanna for
permission to reprint her letter as an excellent example of how
networkers articulated the issue.]
October 16, 1987
The Honorable Dennis R. Patrick
Federal Communications Commission
1919 M Street,
N.W. Washington, DC 20554
Re: CC Docket 87-215
Amendments of Part 69 of the
Commission's Rules Relating to
Enhanced Service Providers
Dear Chairman Patrick:
I am writing to urge you NOT to adopt this rate increase. It's
apparent to me that you and your commission have no direct
experience of the valuable activities that will be
jeopardized--and may even be terminated--by your actions should
you adopt this ruling.
My expertise is introducing business people to online
communications. So I will attempt in this letter to give you
some sense of the online world-- where I have "lived" and made
my living for more than four years. I hope to create a picture
for you of a group of pioneers as American as the Colonists or
Homesteaders who settled this country's physical space. My
colleagues and I are opening up America's electronic space.
My plea will be impassioned because your actions potentially
can destroy my business, the activities of many of my clients
and fellow pioneers and ultimately, I believe, America's place
of leadership in the next era of mankind's history--the
Information Age.
Who am I?
My background is as a writer and corporate communicator. In
1981 I was working for Exxon when I discovered the existence of
electronic mail and -- more significantly -- computer
conferencing. Both at Exxon and in previous internal
communications positions with major companies, I had endeavored
to help people get the information they need to do their jobs
and that they want as members of the corporate community. The
first time I saw the technology of electronic communications, I
saw the possibilities. Imagine workgroups at multinational
companies being in constant communication. Imagine a plant
manager in remote Wyoming being able to confer with other
colleagues about how to prevent a major plant disaster,
or how to handle a personnel issue, or how to implement a new
corporate policy. I was inspired--here at last was a
technology that could help me do my lifeswork.
So I began to spend time online. It's actually like being in a
place--only you're not really there and neither is anyone
else. I got to "meet" my fellow pioneers while sitting at my
computer. Many of my online acquaintances have, over the
years, become colleagues and friends.
In 1983 the Exxon Minerals Company moved to Houston, TX. and I
left to become an independent consultant in computer
conferencing and computer communications.
With hindsight it was a bold move. The industry was barely
embryonic; the demand for my services was nil. But I was
lucky--I found an enlightened Exxon manager who shared my
dream. We launched the first Exxon network in January 1984.
After that successful experiment, I set up several other
networks designed to link geographically dispersed workgroups
in industries as diverse as public accounting, consulting, and
manufacturing.
I continue to use public online systems for my clients, and
it's still an uphill battle. I can't make a living solely from
consulting in this field. My business is improving and I
continue to write and speak on the subject and am well-known in
the industry, but I've still had to expand my services to other
computer-related activities just to make a living.
But electronic networking is my passion. In April 1985 I
co-sponsored the first Electronic Networking meeting. From it
was forged the Electronic Networking Association (ENA)--of
which I am the first President. If you pass this ruling, ENA
and most of its members will be forced offline. Currently they
struggle to pay their $6 or $7 per hour nighttime line fees.
Nearly double those rates in one move and they will go
offline. Many of the companies that service them will go out
of business--those that remain (if any do) will have to
increase their rates to cover costs with a reduced user base.
Others will leave--it will mean a downward spiral to extinction.
The arguments
* Rate Shock
This argument has been made over and over again, I know. Let
me give you a different slant on the issue.
Many of my clients and other corporate department mangers are
under pressure from MIS departments to bring services in
house. In most instances, the in-house systems will be
inferior. If this rate increase goes into effect, my clients
will lose their battle--users will get dimin ished service,
in-house developers and other providers will have reduced
competition, and system development will suffer.
* Striking the meek
Actually, my large corporate clients will survive this increase
if it is, indeed, imposed. They will simply bring their
electronic services inhouse, thus ducking the increased costs.
The losers will be those LEAST able to pay--individual users,
small and medium-sized corporations, nonprofits, educational
institutions, and research facilities.
* Keep America First
This is the most powerful argument of all, I believe. Here is
an industry America leads in, just because the US government
has stayed out when other governments have meddled and taken
their tithe. Impose this rate increase and Japan and France,
already strong, will forge ahead.
* Stifle Democracy
Online communications are potentially the best possible forum
EVER for true democracy and free speech. For example, my
fellow pioneer Mike Greenly has created the field of online
journalism, where online readers can direct questions to
candidates and others at political conventions. Debates too
numerous to mention have already taken place online. In time,
political candidates and special interest groups will use this
medium to do what America is all about--express themselves and
fight for their causes.
In a way, this rate increase is actually a violation of the
First Amend ment--a sort of economic violation. Suppose, for
example, the government were to impose a fee that made daily
newspapers sell for $10 a copy. There would still be free
speech--but who could afford it? This ruling would do that to
the online world. Please don't.
In closing
I want to reiterate that I don't think you really understand
the impact of this increase. For example, paragraph 8 of your
proposal says the ESPs have had time to plan for this. But the
users have not. And ESPs must pass this cost to their users.
No business could absorb such an increase-- certainly not one
that is marginal to begin with.
I think there may well be some inequities in the existing
system. However, I urge you to defer this decision until you
have gained a greater understand ing of the industry and the
issues. I hope you will postpone action for at least two
years--by which time the industry will have had some time to
mature and to recover from the threat of this increase. In the
next two years, major technical advances--in hardware and
software--will be im plemented that will allow users to spend
much less time online while doing the same amount of work.
These advances will mitigate the impact of future rate
increases.
I struggled to be brief in this document because I know you
have much to read. But I have more to say than I can write
here. I shall seek to meet with you and members of your
committee and of Congress in person. As an independent
consultant who is barely making ends meet, I will not be paid
for these efforts. But this issue is so critical to the
survival of a whole industry and to my personal future than I
cannot but make this effort. I hope you will be able to meet
with me.
Sincerely,
Susanna Opper
encl.
cc: The Honorable James H. Quello
The Honorable Mimi Weyworth Dawson
The Honorable Patricia Diaz Dennis
Gerald Brock, Chief, Common Carrier Bureau
Thomas Sugrue, Chief, Policy Division, Common Carrier
Bureau
William H. Tricarico, Secretary, Federal
Communications Commission
6 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:17 Eastern (4518 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 6 December 1987
ONLINE NETWORKING BY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES:
A TECHNOLOGY FOR LEADERSHIP AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL
by Frank Burns
Recent articles in NETWEAVER have focused on applications of
computer conferencing which support "Electronic Democracy" at
local levels and on the potential of the technology for
supporting participatory politics. In this election year, we
have an opportunity to look at how electronic networking can
contribute to national-level campaigns.
The proper functions of a campaign are to REFLECT public
opinion AND TO LEAD IT -- by creating WITH the voters (1) new
visions that attract public attention to the collective
opportunities, (2) new channels for citizen excitement that
involve them directly with democratic processes that achieve
observable new outcomes, and (3) new stories containing
self-fulfilling examples of how SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING IS
ALREADY HAPPENING. Each of these functions can be enhanced
dramatically by taking advantage of the latest in electronic
mail and computer conferencing technology. Candidates for
President can use this technology now as a new tool for
national leadership -- and in the process, lead the country
into a new era of "electronic democracy."
The implementation framework we recommend contains three
different levels. These three levels are both additive and
complementary, as outlined below:
LEVEL ONE -- NETWORKING THE CAMPAIGN ORGANIZATION
-------------------------------------------------
The most immediately useful application of online networking is
to improve -- significantly -- internal communication in the
campaign organization itself. With its own online computer
conferencing system, a campaign organization can link its
national headquarters staff with: (1) the traveling candidate,
(2) the campaign staffs at field offices in key states and
cities, and (3) key campaign strategists and speechwriters.
Getting started at this level is as simple as opening three
computer conferences. One can be for everyone involved in the
campaign organization and can serve as a central clearing-house
for disseminating campaign information -- newsletters, position
statements, policy announcements, events, and travel
schedules. A second computer conference can be dedicated to
the "real" management processes of running any organization --
staying clear about who, what, when and why. A third
conference can serve the key "issue-oriented" people in the
campaign -- the candidate, the campaign manager, the
strategists, and the speechwriters.
LEVEL TWO -- ELECTRONIC TOWN MEETINGS
-------------------------------------
Candidates with the "clearest channel" to local voters and
party organizations will win in the primaries -- and the party
with the clearest channel to the most voters will win in the
national election.
Town meetings -- interactive by their nature and therefore a
very clear channel of communication -- provide a powerful link
between voters, political leaders, and the media. Using
computer conferencing technology at this level involves the
sponsorship of issue-oriented public networks ("computer
bulletin boards") at local, state and national levels. In
ways not possible through ordinary polling methods, these
"electronic town meetings" can provide candidates with a
clearer understanding of popular opinion AND improve citizen
and media understanding of the candidate and her or his
positions.
LEVEL THREE -- ELECTRONIC THINK TANKS
-------------------------------------
In their dual role of both reflecting AND LEADING public
opinion, candidates for public office must formulate positions
and agendas for their leadership that are based on an
understanding of WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S POSSIBLE over a wide
range of complex issues. The technology of computer
conferencing permits the creation of "electronic think tanks"
-- computer-linked networks of "citizen-experts" who work
interactively with campaign managers and candidates in scanning
issue-related information, analyzing alternatives, and
developing positions and strategies for action. With the right
composition, these electronic think tanks can also play a
central role in planning and implementing post-election
transitions.
---------
Author's note: Frank Burns is President, Metasystems Design Group,
Inc.
in Arlington, VA. MDG is currently working with two
presidential candidates who have set up networks to support
their campaigns.
7 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:19 Eastern (7978 characters)
ENA NETWEAVER Volume 3, Number 12, Article 7 December 1987
The Evening Before Christmas
by Philip Siddons
It was the evening before Christmas. The TV and the kid's
radios were blaring, reminding us that despite the noise level
in our home, the outside world was doing its best to make
something of the holidays. The crocheted stockings with each
of our names on them hung from a string over our new antique
wood burning stove, which we dared not use because they want
sixty dollars for ten feet of wood.
The children were squabbling from being over tired from
staying out till three at parties, and this evening we couldn't
tell whether they were fighting or trying to be heard above
their music. So after consuming a number of pills
proportionate with our ages, we settled in under our electric
blanket, which I swear will someday electrocute us because our
bed has been a wrestling mat for the kids.
I woke up around four, wondering if our neighbors were
cutting down a tree in the front of their house with a chain
saw. I went downstairs to the front hall to the window, and to
my amazement I saw a figure getting off his Ski-doo, which he
had managed to park right on the rose bed which I had
painstakingly covered with plastic after considerable hounding
from the "job jar."
The man, who was dressed in a Santa Claus coat and pants,
had also managed to knock down a section of our front yard
fence in his arrival.
"Must be some disoriented party-goer." I mumbled to myself.
Next the door bell rang.
As I opened the door, in past me swished a man in his 60's,
about 5'8", wiry, and in need of a shave. He was carrying two
blue Sears bags.
"Where do you want these?" he said over his shoulder as if
he was a long expected relative, several minutes late for a
party already underway.
"Am I on Candid Camera?" I asked.
"Sure, if you want to believe it that way," he answered with
a smile. "How about over there?" he asked as he stooped to put
the bags in a corner by the Christmas tree, without waiting for
an answer.
Wondering what would happen next, I asked him:
"Where's the little round belly that shakes like Jello or
something? And what about the beard, the sleigh, and the trip
down the chimney?" I asked, also wondering if this was an
elaborate 20th century distraction scheme of two burglars.
He walked over to the coffee table and picked up the white
candy dish, saying:
"I've been in weight watchers for two years, and now I'm on
maintenance. Whatever you do, don't even tell me if you have
chocolate chip cookies. I have no resistance.
As for the beard, the state unemployment office threatened
to cut off my food stamps if I didn't make more of a clean cut
effort to get a job. Oh yes, the sleigh." he paused. "That
was abandoned since the S.P.C.A. got on my back about giving
Rudolph martinis to make his nose red.
You know, I even had a stereo in it. Now its just
collecting dust in my garage. Maybe it'll be worth something
someday as an antique. And with most people not having fire
places these days, I've gotten out of the practice of that
trick.
Besides, when I come through the front door, I run less of a
risk of getting arrested for breaking and entering. You know,
I spent thirty days in the can in New jersey last year because
I was a little too creative, and came through a bay window,
sled and all.
Nice candy dish, Lenox I believe."
"That's right," I said, "it was a gift."
Plopping down on the couch he continued:
"Sure it was. Everything is a gift these days, isn't it?
You go out and charge anything you want all year, and then in
December you blatantly hint with specific sizes and colors, and
pretend for one day a year that someone else really got it for
you."
Somewhat taken back, I flopped down on an opposite chair,
and asked:
"Well, how do you celebrate Christmas at your house?"
A look of surprise spread on the old man's face. "You're
the first person who ever asked me that" he said slowly. "But
to tell you the truth, we celebrate it in January, after all
the nonsense is over with. We get out the book and read the
story, drink a few eggnogs, and sing happy birthday. Simple,
but nice."
"You look a little tired, Santa." I said with some concern.
"I bet going to all those homes really wears you out. How do
you do it?" I asked.
"Well, fortunately your house is the last one on my route,"
he said with a twinkle in his eye.
Pausing to look down at the coffee table, he said: "Are you
sure I didn't bring that Lenox candy dish two years ago?" he
asked as he held the dish.
"Nope!" I said. "I remember my dentist gave me that because
I've given the office so much business."
"Oh well, I must be thinking of someone else. I get things
confused, you know. I keep saying that someday I'm going to
learn how to work one of these computers I keep delivering to
keep my inventory straight, but I just don't discipline myself.
Oh by the way, you got one this year."
"How many deliveries do you make?" I asked to keep the
conversation going.
He strolled over to the front door and for the first time I
saw his brown loafers sticking out from under the white puff,
that was haphazardly sewn around the bottom of his worn red
trousers.
"It used to be millions," he replied, "but now, with so few
believing anymore, its down to around 378. I suspect you'll
drop off one of these days too."
Somewhat embarrassed, I defended:
"Well what would you expect? With all those guys dressed up
like you, in fact, better than you, working for the Salvation
Army and on TV, anyone is bound to figure it out."
"Figure what out?" he said with a laughing smile.
"Figure out that you can't be everywhere, in all those
places at the same time" I replied more confidently.
"Can't seem to fool anyone these days," he said. "Why just
three hours ago, I almost got killed by a little impy genius
who sent a 220 volt robot after me."
As he put on his rather worn brown gloves, he went on.
"With inflation and all that, I'd be lucky if there is even
a handful of deliveries next year."
"Did you ever think of going into a different line of work?"
I inquired.
"Always wanted to be a preacher" he said.
"A preacher?" I responded in utter amazement.
"Yes," he replied with a renewed grin. "But people don't
believe them either. They talk about what Christmas is really
about, but everyone is too busy to listen."
After a pause he continued, as if lost in his own thoughts:
"Maybe I'll try being a quarterback next year. Now there's
someone people take seriously."
"Now wait a minute" I said. "You said you and your wife
celebrate Christmas in January, singing happy birth, and all
that?"
"That's right," he said with interest in his face.
"Well, how about me and the rest of the family coming over
in January and celebrating it with you folks. We could bring
some diet candy and our vintage eggnog that is always a
success."
"Sure," he said. "That would be swell" he continued as he
scribbled his address on the back of a Christmas card. But
before I could get a chance to say anything else, he said: "See
ya than," and was through the door.
I bounded up the stairway and down the hall into our
bedroom, and with one leap, I landed on our bed in a
cross-legged position, shaking my still sleeping wife. She
turned over slowly, like a large bin full of raffle tickets
settling for the last time. As she painfully raised her
eyelids to see what the new day demanded of her, I said
enthusiastically:
"Guess where we're going to celebrate Christmas next
January?"
~~~
-------
Author's note: Philip Siddons is an editor of NETWEAVER who
proves repeatedly that some people who write about technology
are poets too.
8 (of 8) ENA EDITOR Dec. 12, 1987 at 16:19 Eastern (1877 characters)
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