btb@mtuxo.UUCP (Bruce Burger) (07/20/85)
SOFTWARE LICENSE AGREEMENT
This is an agreement between Systech Corporation ("We/Us") and
_____________________ ("You/Youse") concerning the use of
intellectual and intangible properties of Systech.
DEFINITIONS
"Software" shall mean useful, interesting, or merely amusing
sequences of bits and bytes, whether expressed as zero and one,
dark and light, yin and yang, male and female, or Cheech and Chong,
which when fed to a general-purpose digital computer, cause it to
whirr and blink its lights.
"Documentation" shall mean the rectangular pieces of dried,
squashed, trees which the user looks at when the computer fails to
whirr and blink its lights.
"Stuff" shall mean real, tangible goods which can be weighed,
inspected, and shipped in a box.
RECITALS
We desire to sell, and You desire to buy, the Stuff We make. Now
therefore, to get You to buy the Stuff, We have written certain
Software, which We can't really sell because it doesn't really
exist, and anyway you could just buy one and make lots of copies,
except that the whole purpose of this agreement is to prevent you
from doing that.
AGREEMENT
You agree that the Software, which does not really exist, is the
exclusive property of Us. In return for You sending Us Your money,
We will grant to you a non-exclusive, perpetual right to use a
single copy of the Software on Stuff made by Us. You may make
additional copies and furnish these copies to Your own customers,
provided that Youmake them sign an Agreement that is at least as
complicated as this one, and further provided that You send us more
money for each copy You make.
In the event You make a bunch of copies and sell them without
sending us more money, or You make a bunch of copies and sell them
without filling out the forms, our Attorneys will see to it that
human life, as You know it, will be completely ruined.
FORCE MAJEURE
Neither You nor Us shall be held responsible for the weather, or
the unions, or what the damn politicians do. Neither party shall
be held responsible for delays due to acts of God, including but
not limited to plagues of locusts, or of frogs, or especially
boils. In the event of global thermonuclear war, this Agreement
shall terminate along with everything else.
MISCELLANEOUS
In the event one or more provisions of this Agreement are found
unlawful or unenforceable under the laws of the United States, You
agree to move your place of business to such other country as may
be more reasonable, except that nothing in this paragraph shall be
construed to require You to learn to talk in French.
This Agreement is intended to be the sole and complete statement of
our obligations to you, and supersedes all previous understandings
and proposals, especially anything our salespeople promised.
This Agreement shall be binding and inure to the benefit of the
parties hereto, their successors, their failures, their hopes, and
their dreams, so neither party shall assign this Agreement without
arreading it first.
--Bruce Burger AT&T Information Systems Freehold, NJ
{...ihnp4!}mtuxo!btb