David.Alford@f370.n107.z1.fidonet.org (David Alford) (10/26/90)
I have a friend who recently found he was HIV+, but he seems to be unconcerned about it.... and it scares me. I worry about him, and about myself. I'll call my friend 'John Doe'.... I met John about 4 or 5 years ago. At the time, I had a big crush on the guy (we're both in our mid-20's). He had/has a great personality, and good looks. And we both got along quite well. He has a very 'innocent' and 'cute' aura about him. Soon after we met, one night we both got drunk and has sex. It wasn't 'high risk', but we did have some oral. After that, he stopped calling me for a few months. We finally met again, and became good friends. A year and 1/2 ago, he moved in with me. It's a very platonic relationship. But I love the guy... I can't say like a brother, because sometimes I still think about 'making love' to him. It wouldn't be lust anymore. But, I'm happy just being his friend, and I don't feel jealous of his boyfriends. Then again, deep inside I would still like to become more involved with him. But, about a year ago, me and another good friend of mine talked him into taking an HIV test. I had taken my first test about 6 months earlier, and was negative. We had the test at a confidential testing center. John went for his results a couple weeks after I did. The night he came home, I asked him how his test came out. I could tell he was faking his jovial mood. He first told me that he chickened out and decided not to get the results. I could tell by the look in his eye that it wasn't true. But I guess he also knew that I could tell, so he handed me his positive test result. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I was stunned. The only thing I said at the time was 'so what are you going to do?'. We talked a little more later, but not much. He said he cried all that morning. I told him I felt like I ruined his life because I talked him into having the test. But we both understand that its not my fault that hes positive. We also agreed that if anybody asked what Johns results were, we would say he didn't get the results/chickened out. Although I didn't keep my promise, because I was concerned for John's state of mind, and my own well-being. At first, John seemed like he was going to take action and try and do something about the situation. He went to another confidential clinic and took a second test. And he made a several comments about the fact that he didn't think he should have sex with anyone again, because of what he might do to someone else's life. But, John never went back to get the results of the second test. And now, he seems to be back in his old track... he goes out to the gay bars all the time, and on occassion he stays out all night. And he tells me when he's gone to bed with someone. I knew this was wrong, and didn't know how to get it thru his head that he's making mistakes. I told my two other friends about the situation. I suppose it was wrong for me to tell them about John, but I believe they assumed it anyway because he assumingly 'chickened out'. I asked them what they would do in my shoes, and what they might do in John's shoes. I wasn't sure what to do. I also tried putting myself in John's shoes. I don't know what I'd do if I came up positive. I'd hate to think that I'd ignore the problem. Continued on next msg....... -- Uucp: ...{gatech,ames,rutgers}!ncar!asuvax!stjhmc!107!370!David.Alford Internet: David.Alford@f370.n107.z1.fidonet.org