games-request@tekred.UUCP (06/03/87)
Submitted by: arnold@apollo.UUCP
Comp.sources.games: Volume 1, Issue 40
Archive-name: fortune/Part14
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# it by saving it into a file and typing "sh file". To overwrite existing
# files, type "sh file -c". You can also feed this as standard input via
# unshar, or by typing "sh <file", e.g.. If this archive is complete, you
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# Contents: scene.aj
# Wrapped by billr@tekred on Thu May 21 15:14:55 1987
PATH=/bin:/usr/bin:/usr/ucb ; export PATH
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echo shar: Will not over-write existing file \"scene.aj\"
else
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sed "s/^X//" >scene.aj <<'END_OF_scene.aj'
X%%
XThe average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
Xaverage man can see better than he can think.
X%%
XThe basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than
Xcities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and
Xdifficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots,
Xwhich are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but --
Xhere is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO
XRULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you
Xwant in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking
Xlot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a
Xsquat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie" on his forearm, who got out
Xand explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault,
Xhis reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was
Xneither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking
Xlots.
X -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
X%%
XThe basic menu item, in fact the ONLY menu item, would be a food unit
Xcalled the "patty," consisting of -- this would be guaranteed in
Xwriting -- "100 percent animal matter of some kind." All patties would
Xbe heated up and then cooled back down in electronic devices
Ximmediately before serving. The Breakfast Patty would be a patty on a
Xbun with lettuce, tomato, onion, egg, Ba-Ko-Bits, Cheez Whiz, a Special
XSauce made by pouring ketchup out of a bottle and a little slip of
Xpaper stating: "Inspected by Number 12". The Lunch or Dinner Patty
Xwould be any Breakfast Patties that didn't get sold in the morning.
XThe Seafood Lover's Patty would be any patties that were starting to
Xemit a serious aroma. Patties that were too rank even to be Seafood
XLover's Patties would be compressed into wads and sold as "Nuggets."
X -- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
X%%
XThe best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
Xbut that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
X%%
XThe best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
X -- W. C. Fields
X%%
XThe best defense against logic is ignorance.
X%%
XThe best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
X%%
X"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and
Xblow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails.
XYou may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at
Xnight listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only
Xlove, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or
Xknow your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only
Xone thing for it then -- to learn. Learn why the world wags and what
Xwags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust,
Xnever alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never
Xdream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a
Xlot of things there are to learn."
X -- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
X%%
XThe biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
Xtime.
X -- Merrick Furst
X%%
XThe birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time for Miss
XManners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
X
XIt's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance. Miss Manners has been
Xknown to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a curb, and,
Xin her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a foot or two
Xunder the dinner table. Miss Manners also believes that the sight of
Xpeople strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand dresses up a
Xcity considerably more than the more familiar sight of people shaking
Xumbrellas at one another. What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
Xactivity that frightens the horses on the street ...
X%%
X"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."
X%%
XThe bogosity meter just pegged.
X%%
XThe brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
Xin the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
X%%
XThe Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development:
X To determine how long it will take to write and debug a
X program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add
X one, and convert to the next higher units.
X%%
XThe buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
XStatistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in
Xautomobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
X -- Art Buchwald
X%%
XThe bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
Xbureaucracy.
X%%
X"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
Xflexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
X%%
XThe camel has a single hump;
XThe dromedary two;
XOr else the other way around.
XI'm never sure. Are you?
X -- Ogden Nash
X%%
XThe capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly
Xgreater than that of any other animals. Some of their most esteemed
Xinventions have no other apparent purpose, for example, the dinner
Xparty of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
X -- H. L. Mencken
X%%
XThe chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
Xat the steam fitters' picnic.
X%%
XThe chief cause of problems is solutions.
X%%
XThe chief danger in life is that you may take too may precautions.
X -- Alfred Adler
X%%
XThe church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
Xwalk carefully.
X -- Russian Proverb
X%%
X"The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live
Xelsewhere."
X%%
XThe computing field is always in need of new cliches.
X -- Alan Perlis
X%%
XThe confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
Xmemos.
X -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
X%%
XThe correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is
Xnone of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but."
XDon't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period.
XCutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you
Xtalked about.
X -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
X%%
XThe cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
X%%
XThe cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
Xdown.
X%%
XThe cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
Xeat.
X -- John McNulty
X%%
XThe Crown is full of it!
X -- Nate Harris, 1775
X%%
XThe cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should
Xtherefore be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could
Xhardly be propagated. If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to
Xdeclare war and they are screened at once from scrutiny ... In war,
Xthen, as in peace, assert the freedom of speech and of the press.
XCling to this as the bulwark of all our rights and privileges.
X -- William Ellery Channing
X%%
XThe day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
X%%
XThe day-to-day travails of the IBM programmer are so amusing to most of
Xus who are fortunate enough never to have been one -- like watching
XCharlie Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
X%%
XThe debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
X%%
XThe devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
X%%
X"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell
Xinto the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him
Xout again, it would be a calamity."
X -- Benjamin Disraeli
X%%
XThe difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
Xrequires reasoning while those other subjects merely require
Xscholarship.
X -- Robert Heinlein
X%%
XThe distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
Xfollowing quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:
X
X "I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish.
XEddie Cantor's goyish. The B'nai Brith is goyish. The Hadassah is
XJewish. Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous.
X "Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish.
XPumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish.
XInstant potatoes -- goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish.
XMacaroons are ____very Jewish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is
Xgoyish. Lime soda is ____very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that
XJews won't go near them ..."
X -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
X%%
XThe District of Columbia has a law forbidding you to exert pressure on
Xa balloon and thereby cause a whistling sound on the streets.
X%%
XThe doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
Xreally clever who has not found that he is stupid.
X -- Gilbert K. Chesterson
X%%
XThe duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show
Xoff this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his
Xnext hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the
Xduck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the
Xduck and returned it to his master.
X "Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
X "Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't
Xswim."
X%%
XThe early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
Xand owns the worm farm.
X -- Travis McGee
X%%
XThe earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
X%%
XThe easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
Xadd ten percent.
X%%
XThe economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
Xweather forecasters.
X -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
X%%
X"The eleventh commandment was `Thou Shalt Compute' or `Thou Shalt Not
XCompute' -- I forget which."
X -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
X%%
XThe end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
Xcivilization.
X -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
X%%
XThe end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with
Xsymposium to follow.
X%%
XThe English have no respect for their language, and will not teach
Xtheir children to speak it.
X -- G. B. Shaw
X%%
XThe fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
Xremarkable Christian forbearance among men.
X -- Ambrose Bierce
X%%
XThe fact that it works is immaterial.
X -- L. Ogborn
X%%
XThe Fifth Rule:
X You have taken yourself too seriously.
X%%
XThe first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
X -- Abbie Hoffman
X%%
XThe first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
XChloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a
Xtragic death. He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad
Xforks. Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously
Xfled the city, complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of
Xthreatening notes left on his breakfast tray. At the time, this looked
Xsuspicious what with his father's death, and Carotene was suspected of
Xfoul play. Then the rest of the King's relatives began to drop dead
Xone after the other in an odd fashion. Some were found strangled with
Xdishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning. A few were found
Xdrowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants unknown
Xand beaten to death with a pot roast. At least three appear to have
Xthrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture
Xof grief over the King's untimely end. Finally there was no one left
Xin Minas Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed
Xcrown, and the rule of Twodor was up for grabs. The scullery slave
XParrafin bravely accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when
Xa lineal descendant of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful
Xthrone, conquer Twodor's enemies, and revamp the postal system.
X -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
X%%
XThe first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
Xmanagement is that success equals skill.
X -- Robert Heller
X%%
XThe first riddle I ever heard, one familiar to almost every Jewish
Xchild, was propounded to me by my father:
X "What is it that hangs on the wall, is green, wet -- and
Xwhistles?"
X I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity
Xgave up.
X "A herring," said my father.
X "A herring," I echoed. "A herring doesn't hang on the wall!"
X "So hang it there."
X "But a herring isn't green!" I protested.
X "Paint it."
X "But a herring isn't wet."
X "If its just painted its still wet."
X "But -- " I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, "-- a herring
Xdoesn't whistle!!"
X "Right, " smiled my father. "I just put that in to make it
Xhard."
X -- Leo Rosten, "The Joys of Yiddish"
X%%
X"The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your
Xhands and hoping when a rock or a club will do."
X -- McCloctnik the Lucid
X%%
XThe First Rule of Program Optimization:
X Don't do it.
X
XThe Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
X Don't do it yet.
X -- Michael Jackson
X%%
XThe first time, it's a KLUDGE!
XThe second, a trick.
XLater, it's a well-established technique!
X -- Mike Broido, Intermetrics
X%%
XThe following quote is from page 4-27 of the MSCP Basic Disk Functions
XManual which is part of the UDA50 Programmers Doc Kit manuals:
X
XAs stated above, the host area of a disk is structured as a vector of
Xlogical blocks. From a performance viewpoint, however, it is more
Xappropriate to view the host area as a four dimensional hyper-cube, the
Xfour dimensions being cylinder, group, track, and sector.
X . . .
XReferring to our hyper-cube analogy, the set of potentially accessible
Xblocks form a line parallel to the track axis. This line moves
Xparallel to the sector axis, wrapping around when it reaches the edge
Xof the hyper-cube.
X%%
XThe fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
Xa major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
X%%
X"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
Xvinyl."
X -- Dave Barry
X%%
XThe full impact of parenthood doesn't hit you until you multiply the
Xnumber of your kids by 32 teeth.
X%%
XThe generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
Xchance.
X%%
XThe gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
X%%
XThe geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the
Xcenter we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South
XBoston which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South
XEnd is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
X%%
XThe giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
Xtoday.
X%%
XThe goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
Xleast until we've finished building it.
X%%
XThe goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature
Xis to build better mice.
X%%
XThe gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him
Xlove and he invented marriage.
X%%
XTHE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
X The one who has the gold makes the rules.
X%%
X"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
Xmake empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians
Xhave made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine
Xman in the bonds of Hell."
X -- St. Augustine
X%%
XThe good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
Xto be good.
X%%
XThe government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of
Xstatistics. These are raised to the _nth degree, the cube roots are
Xextracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive
Xdisplays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every
Xcase, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts
Xdown anything he damn well pleases.
X -- Sir Josiah Stamp
X%%
XThe Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
X The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in
X courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday
X Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for
X enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by
X The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.
X -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
X%%
XThe greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
Xof zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
X -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
X%%
XThe hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
X -- Albert Einstein
X%%
XThe hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom
Xwhereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary,
Xnohow.
X%%
XThe Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
X You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
X%%
XThe herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
Xthinkers.
X%%
XThe hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back,
Xwhich reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus. Guaranteed to be at
Xleast 5000 years old."
X%%
XThe human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
Xlists of "Ten Best".
X -- H. Allen Smith
X%%
X"The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
Xhas gills through which it can see."
X -- Monty Python
X%%
XThe human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
X-- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
X%%
XThe human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
Xprotein -- it rejects it.
X -- P. Medawar
X%%
XThe human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can
Xremember. Just like the bluebird feeding its young, or the spider
Xstruggling to weave its perfect web, or the buttercup blooming in
Xspring, the shark reveals to us yet another of the infinite and
Xwonderful facets of nature, namely the facet that it can bite your head
Xoff. This causes us humans to feel a certain degree of awe.
X -- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
X%%
XThe human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
X -- Mark Twain
X%%
XThe idea is to die young as late as possible.
X -- Ashley Montagu
X%%
XThe idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic
Xdevices, such as television sets and VCR's, to the destruction centers,
Xwhere trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with
Xsledgehammers. With their devices thus permanently destroyed,
Xconsumers would then be free to go out and buy new devices, rather than
Xhave to fritter away years of their lives trying to have the old ones
Xrepaired at so-called "factory service centers," which in fact consist
Xof two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic
Xdevices with cheap cigars and going, "Lookit all them WIRES in there!"
X -- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
X%%
X"The identical is equal to itself, since it is different."
X -- Franco Spisani
X%%
X"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit
Xlonger."
X -- Henry Kissinger
X%%
XThe income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
Xhas. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know
Xwhen it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
X -- Will Rogers
X%%
XThe individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important
Xpoint to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly
Ximportant thing to people.
X -- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
X%%
XThe intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
Xnumber of participants.
X -- Adam Walinsky
X%%
XThe IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
Xby the number of people in the group.
X%%
XThe IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free
Xinformation hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a
Xdynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a
Xreal tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
X
XSo, for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never
Xpays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big
Xconsumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
X -- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
X%%
XThe Kennedy Constant:
X Don't get mad -- get even.
X%%
XThe Killer Ducks are coming!!!
X%%
XThe ladies men admire, I've heard,
XWould shudder at a wicked word.
XTheir candle gives a single light;
XThey'd rather stay at home at night.
XThey do not keep awake till three,
XNor read erotic poetry.
XThey never sanction the impure,
XNor recognize an overture.
XThey shrink from powders and from paints ...
XSo far, I've had no complaints.
X -- Dorothy Parker
X%%
X"The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
Xword processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
Xdrugs.'
X -- Roy Blount, Jr.
X%%
XThe Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the
Xpoor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal
Xbread.
X -- Anatole France
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #10: SIMPLE
X
XSIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming Language
XEnvironment. This language, developed at the Hanover College for
XTechnological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code
Xwith errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
XEND and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make
Xa syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus
Xthey achieve the results of programs written in other languages without
Xthe tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #12: LITHP
X
XThis otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of
Xan "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH". LITHP is said
Xto be useful in protheththing lithtth.
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13: SLOBOL
X
XSLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
XAlthough many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they
Xcompile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the
Xcoffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom
Xsitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
Xcompile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
Xinfinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17: SARTRE
X
XNamed after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
Xunstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just
Xare. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.
XSARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at
Xparties.
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18: C-
X
XThis language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
Xsubmitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is
Xbest described as a "low-level" programming language. In fact, the
Xlanguage generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
Xstatements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is very
Xsimilar to COBOL.
X%%
X THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18: FIFTH
X
XFIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
Xrefer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and
XJIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and
XBLOTTO. Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,
XCABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.
X
XThe many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication and
Xfinancial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect include
XVSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCH
Xand RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
Xwho end up using this language.
X%%
XThe light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
Xtrain.
X%%
XThe light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
X%%
XThe lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
Xmuch sleep.
X -- Woody Allen
X%%
XThe longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
X -- Henry Kissinger
X%%
X"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
Xwe could with both of them."
X -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
X%%
XThe man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
Xcrowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
Xone has ever been.
X -- Alan Ashley-Pitt
X%%
XThe man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
Xwill always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
X -- Mark Twain.
X%%
XThe marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
Xsoda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
Xwhen properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
X%%
X"... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ..."
X -- Dave Barry
X%%
XThe meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
X%%
X The men sat sipping their tea in silence. After a while the
Xklutz said, "Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
X
X "Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other. "Why?"
X
X "How should I know? What am I, a philosopher?"
X%%
XThe meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
Xdevise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
X -- Lew Mammel, Jr.
X%%
XThe misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might
Xbe general systems laws. For example, Frank Harary once suggested the
Xlaw that any field that had the word "science" in its name was
Xguaranteed thereby not to be a science. He would cite as examples
XMilitary Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking
XScience, Social Science, and Computer Science. Discuss the generality
Xof this law, and possible reasons for its predictive
Xpower.
X -- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction to General Systems
X Thinking."
X%%
XThe modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
X -- Laurence J. Peter
X%%
XThe mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
X -- Nicol Williamson
X%%
XThe moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
X%%
XThe moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
X%%
XThe more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
Xrobbers there will be.
X -- Lao Tsu
X%%
XThe more things change, the more they stay insane.
X%%
XThe more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
Xis right.
X%%
XThe mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
X -- Andy Warhol
X%%
XThe most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
Xdiscoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
X -- Isaac Asimov
X%%
XThe moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
X%%
X... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
X%%
X "... The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!"
X "Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to
Xfeel interested.
X "No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little
Xvexed. "That's what the name is called. The name really is, 'The Aged
XAged Man.'"
X "Then I ought to have said "That's what the song is called'?"
XAlice corrected herself.
X "No, you oughtn't: that's quite another thing! The song is
Xcalled 'Ways and Means': but that's only what it is called you know!"
X "Well, what is the song then?" said Alice, who was by this time
Xcompletely bewildered.
X "I was coming to that," the Knight said. "The song really is
X"A-sitting on a Gate": and the tune's my own invention."
X -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
X%%
X"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
X1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
X -- D. Letterman
X%%
XThe National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
X Support your right to bare arms!
X%%
XThe net of law is spread so wide,
XNo sinner from its sweep may hide.
XIts meshes are so fine and strong,
XThey take in every child of wrong.
XO wondrous web of mystery!
XBig fish alone escape from thee!
X -- James Jeffrey Roche
X%%
XThe new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around. I
Xhope I don't get run over again.
X%%
XThe New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
Xin the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
X
X But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
X whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
X -- Matthew 5:37
X%%
XThe nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
Xchoose from.
X -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
X%%
XThe notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
X80-column card.
X -- Dennis M. Ritchie
X%%
XThe notion that the church, the press, and the universities should
Xserve the state is essentially a Communist notion ... In a free society
Xthese institutions must be wholly free -- which is to say that their
Xfunction is to serve as checks upon the state.
X -- Alan Barth
X%%
XThe number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are
Xcorrect.
X -- Ralph Hartley
X%%
XThe objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly
Xanalyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
Xoccurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve
Xthese problems when called upon.
X
XHowever, When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
Xremind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
X%%
XThe Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
X Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm,
X Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of
X Corporate Planning."
X%%
XThe older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
X%%
XThe older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
Xbrings wisdom.
X -- H. L. Mencken
X%%
XThe older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
Xcatch his own breath.
X -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
X%%
XThe one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
Xto cringe.
X%%
XThe only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
X`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
X -- Ernest Rutherford
X%%
XThe only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
Xand take a rest.
X%%
X"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."
X -- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
X Over and Over"
X%%
XThe only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
X%%
XThe only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber
Xhas already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture,
Xfinished, and put inside boxes.
X -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
X%%
XThe only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any
Xuse to oneself.
X -- Oscar Wilde
X%%
X"The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
Xhistory."
X -- Hegel
X
X"I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
Xlong view."
X -- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
X%%
XThe only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
X -- Oscar Wilde
X%%
XThe opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
Xuntil 5 or 6 p.m.
X%%
XThe opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
X -- Bohr
X%%
XThe optimum committee has no members.
X -- Norman Augustine
X%%
XThe optimum committee has no members.
X -- Norman Augustine
X%%
XThe past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because
Xit isn't here.
X -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
X%%
XThe penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
Xwere not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
X -- H. L. Mencken
X%%
X The people of Halifax invented the trampoline. During the
XVictorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a
Xlarge wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress'
Xit. The tripoline, as they called it, degenerated into becoming the
Xapparatus for a spectator sport.
X
X The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for
Xcastrating pigs during Sunday service.
X -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
X%%
XThe Pig, if I am not mistaken,
XGives us ham and pork and Bacon.
XLet others think his heart is big,
XI think it stupid of the Pig.
X -- Ogden Nash
X%%
XThe pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter. The batter
Xswang and missed. The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the
Xbatter connected. He hit a high fly right to the center fielder. The
Xcenter fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute
Xhis eyes were blound by the sun and he dropped it.
X -- Dizzy Dean
X%%
XThe plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
X -- David Lardner
X%%
XThe polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish
Xto be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified. But it
Xis equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of
Xcourtesy, not expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own
Xpreferences. Only then can we hope to restore the insult to its proper
Xsocial function of expressing true distaste.
X -- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to
X Excruciatingly Correct Behavior"
X%%
X"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
Xoften."
X%%
XThe Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
X Were each of them once a kiddie.
XA child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
X Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
X -- Ogden Nash
X%%
XThe President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
Xbrother's remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is
XJews!". Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
X -- Baltimore, Channel 11 News, on Jimmy Carter
X%%
XThe price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday
Xthey might force their beliefs on us.
X -- Mario Cuomo
X%%
XThe primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired
Xwarranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by
Xchanging the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped
Xmarker.
X -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
X%%
XThe primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
Xconstants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
Xappearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
Xstatement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This
Xalso simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
X -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
X%%
XThe primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
Xvoters to win the next election.
X%%
XThe primary theme of SoupCon is communication. The acronym "LEO"
Xrepresents the secondary theme:
X
X Law Enforcement Officials
X
XThe overall theme of SoupCon shall be:
X
X Avoiding Communication with Law Enforcement Officials
X%%
X... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
Xother animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
Xcharity we can only call "inhuman."
X -- R. A. Lafferty
X%%
XThe probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
Xstupidity of your action.
X%%
XThe problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with.
XScientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil
Xusing other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle
XEastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats,
Xetc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous
Xbulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None
Xof the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats
Xdeveloped cancer.
X -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
X%%
XThe problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
Xto erase it.
X -- Glaser and Way
X%%
XThe problem with engineers is that they tend to cheat in order to get
Xresults.
X
XThe problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
Xproblems in order to get results.
X
XThe problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy
Xproblems in order to get results.
X%%
XThe problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
Xpretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
X -- Elizabeth Taylor
X%%
XThe problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
X%%
XThe Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's
Xoutfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by
Xmistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once
Xtied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims
Xthe insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
X -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
X%%
X"The pyramid is opening!"
X"Which one?"
X"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
X -- Firesign Theater, "How Can You Be In Two Places At
X Once When You're Not Anywhere At All"
X%%
XThe qotc (quote of the con) was Liz's:
X "My brain is paged out to my liver"
X%%
XThe question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is
Xit about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television,
Xthat you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of
Xindustrial waste?
X -- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"
X%%
XThe rain it raineth on the just
X And also on the unjust fella,
XBut chiefly on the just, because
X The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
X%%
XThe reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
Xcursed.
X%%
XThe reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
X%%
XThe reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose",
Xwhich is also sometimes called "grape sugar", and also because "Grape
XNuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil
XFood and Gravel", which is what it tastes like.
X -- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
X%%
XThe reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
Xpersists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all
Xprogress depends on the unreasonable man.
X -- George Bernard Shaw
X%%
XThe revolution will not be televised.
X%%
XThe reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
X -- Emerson
X%%
XThe rhino is a homely beast,
XFor human eyes he's not a feast.
XFarewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
XI'll stare at something less prepoceros.
X -- Ogden Nash
X%%
XThe right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This
Xmeans that only left handed people are in their right mind.
X%%
X"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
Xand to his imagination for his facts."
X -- Sheridan
X%%
XThe right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
X -- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
X%%
X"The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
XHouse Un-American Activities Committee]. We will determine what rights
Xyou have and what rights you have not got."
X -- J. Parnell Thomas
X%%
XThe road to hell is paved with good intentions. And littered with
Xsloppy analysis!
X%%
XThe Roman Rule
X The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
X one who is doing it.
X%%
XThe Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
Xhis courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
Xone leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
Xtake it too seriously.
X -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
X%%
XThe rule on staying alive as a forcaster is to give 'em a number or
Xgive 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
X -- Jane Bryant Quinn
X%%
X"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
X%%
XThe Schwine-Kitzenger Institute study of 47 men over the age of 100
Xshowed that all had these things in common:
X
X (1) They all had moderate appetites.
X (2) They all came from middle class homes
X (3) All but two of them were dead.
X%%
XThe seven deadly sins ... Food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes,
Xrespectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones
Xfrom man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the
Xmilestones are lifted.
X -- George Bernard Shaw
X%%
X The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood
Xas he reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.
XThe Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in
Xthe palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in
Xtwenty-five of him are dead, he is alive.
X
X "Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached
Xeverywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
Xfierce host which out-numbers Lankhmar's inhabitants by fifty to one --
Xand equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city."
X
X "How?" demanded Fafhrd.
X
X Ningauble shrugged. "You're a hero. You should know."
X -- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
X%%
XThe sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
X%%
XThe shortest distance between two points is under construction.
X -- Noelie Alito
X%%
XThe Sixth Commandment of Frisbee:
X The greatest single aid to distance is for the disc to be going
Xin a direction you did not want. (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long
Xway.)
X -- Dan Roddick
X%%
X"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
Xand tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted
Xactivity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ...
Xneither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
X%%
X"The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
Xmoney."
X -- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
X%%
X"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
X%%
XThe soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
X%%
XThe Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's
Xreadiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of
Xsome pieces of wood. Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet
Xreflection followed by sudden preventive action explains why they led
Xthe field for many years in both chess and ax murders. It is well
Xknown that as early as 1970, the U.S.S.R., aware of what a defeat at
XReykjavik would do to national prestige, implemented a vigorous program
Xof preparation and incentive. Every day for an entire year, a team of
Xpsychologists, chess analysts and coaches met with the top three
XRussian grand masters and threatened them with a pointy stick. That
Xthese tactics proved fruitless is now a part of chess history and a
Xfurther testament to the American way, which provides that if you want
Xsomething badly enough, you can always go to Iceland and get it from
Xthe Russians.
X -- Marshall Brickman, Playboy, April, 1973
X%%
X The STAR WARS Song
X Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:
X
XI met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
XWhere it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
X S-O-D-A soda
XI saw the little runt sitting there on a log
XI asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda
X Y-O-D-A Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
X
XWell I've been around but I ain't never seen
XA guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green
X Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
XWell I'm not dumb but I can't understand
XHow he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand
X Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
X%%
XThe state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
X%%
XThe steady state of disks is full.
X --Ken Thompson
X%%
X THE STORY OF CREATION
X or
X THE MYTH OF URK
X
XIn the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null,
Xand darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM
Xwas moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, "Let there be
Xregisters"; and there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried;
Xand DEC separated the data from the instructions. DEC called the data
XStack, and the instructions they called Code. And there was evening
Xand there was morning, one interrupt ...
X -- Rico Tudor
X%%
X"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
Xis an emerging underachiever."
X%%
XThe sum of the Universe is zero.
X%%
XThe sun was shining on the sea,
XShining with all his might:
XHe did his very best to make
XThe billows smooth and bright --
XAnd this was very odd, because it was
XThe middle of the night.
X -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
X%%
XThe superfluous is very necessary.
X -- Voltaire
X%%
XThe surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
X -- Mark Twain
X%%
XThe temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our
Xauthority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
Xthe light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
Xthe light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
Xradiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
Xas the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we
Xreceive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
XSun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will
Xheat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to
Xthe heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much
Xheat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for
Xradiation, (_H/_E)^4 = 50, where _E is the absolute temperature of the
Xearth (-300K), gives _H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell
Xcannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the
Xfearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which
Xburneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone means
Xthat its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We
Xhave, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
X -- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
X%%
XThe Third Law of Photography:
X If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined
X when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of
X the dark leaks out.
X%%
XThe Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
X
XThe First Law: You can't get anything without working for it.
XThe Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break
X even.
XThe Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
X%%
X The Three Major Kind of Tools
X
X* Tools for hittings things to make them loose or to tighten them up or
X jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a
X manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces,
X bludgeons, and truncheons.)
X
X* Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls)
X
X* Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far
X greater than the value of any project that could possibly result.
X (Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tools that
X uses any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)
X -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
X%%
XThe trouble with a kitten is that
XWhen it grows up, it's always a cat
X -- Ogden Nash.
X%%
XThe trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
X%%
XThe trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
Xit.
X -- Franklin P. Jones
X%%
XThe trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
Xmore important to do.
X%%
XThe trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
Xappreciates how difficult it was.
X%%
XThe truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And
Xvice versa.
X%%
XThe turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
XWhich practically conceal its sex.
XI think it clever of the turtle
XIn such a fix to be so fertile.
X -- Ogden Nash
X%%
X"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and
Xstupidity."
X%%
XThe typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
Xannoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
X -- Oscar Wilde
X%%
XThe United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
X"100 percent American"...
X -- U. S. Army (1945)
X%%
XThe United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
Xeverybody and still nobody likes him.
X -- Jim Samuels
X%%
XThe universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be
Xbroken.
X%%
XThe universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
Xcombination is locked up in the safe.
X -- Peter DeVries
X%%
XThe University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie
XPhilbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall. Philbin is said
Xto make up for no talent by cheating well. Says Philbin of his
Xdecision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
X%%
XThe USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and
Xreligious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging
Xfrom the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its
Xyielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the
Xworld put together.
X -- Sir Peter Medawar
X%%
XThe use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
Xregarded as a criminal offense.
X -- E. W. Dijkstra
X%%
XThe very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid
Xprejudice.
X -- Mark Twain
X%%
XThe very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.
XInstead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts
Xto fit their views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to
Xbe one of the facts that needs altering.
X -- Doctor Who, "Face of Evil"
X%%
X"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
X%%
X"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
Xthat would be clearly understood."
X -- Alexander Haig
X%%
X"The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
Xwith a large fortune."
X%%
XThe wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
X Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
XIt must have blown through someone's feet,
X Like those of Caspar Weinberger.
X -- P. Opus
X%%
X THE WOMBAT
X
XThe wombat lives across the seas,
XAmong the far Antipodes.
XHe may exist on nuts and berries,
XOr then again, on missionaries;
XHis distant habitat precludes
XConclusive knowledge of his moods.
XBut I would not engage the wombat
XIn any form of mortal combat.
X%%
XThe world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
X%%
XThe world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
X%%
XThe world is coming to an end. Please log off.
X%%
XThe world's as ugly as sin,
XAnd almost as delightful
X -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
X%%
XThe years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
Xfour and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
Xthe answers.
X%%
XThen a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
END_OF_scene.aj
echo shar: 13 control characters may be missing from \"scene.aj\"
if test 49452 -ne `wc -c <scene.aj`; then
echo shar: \"scene.aj\" unpacked with wrong size!
fi
# end of overwriting check
fi
echo shar: End of archive 14 \(of 16\).
cp /dev/null ark14isdone
MISSING=""
for I in 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 ; do
if test ! -f ark${I}isdone ; then
MISSING="${MISSING} ${I}"
fi
done
if test "${MISSING}" = "" ; then
echo You have unpacked all 16 archives.
rm -f ark[1-9]isdone ark[1-9][0-9]isdone
else
echo You still need to unpack the following archives:
echo " " ${MISSING}
fi
## End of shell archive.
exit 0