[ont.events] ICR Feb 17 Richard Bartels The National Enquirer Report on Splines

cfry@watdcsu.waterloo.edu (C.Fry - Inst. Computer Research) (02/10/88)

                       The National Enquirer Report on Splines

          by

          Richard Bartels

          of

          Department of Computer Science
          Computer Graphics Lab
          University of Waterloo

          Abstract

          The Computer Graphics Laboratory at the  University  of  Waterloo
          has  four  full-time faculty and a varying contingent of students
          usually numbering near twenty.  The equipment in this  laboratory
          would  provide  right thinking people a golden opportunity to ad-
          vance  human  knowledge  in  game  playing  or  to  perfect   the
          worthwhile  art of flying logo design.  Unfortunately, a signifi-
          cant amount of the of the Lab members'  energy  and  intelligence
          has  been wasted over the last several years consorting with nas-
          ty, wiggly little creatures called ``splines.''  This  talk  will
          present an illustrated tour through a chamber of horrors. We will
          reveal the shocking truth about various Lab  projects  that  have
          become sullied with splines.  In particular, it will be shown how
          splines have been used to fudge weather maps,  how  splines  have
          tried  to  put  Disney out of business, how splines have corroded
          industrial surfaces, and how splines have been forced to  satisfy
          ghastly  recursive  definitions.   We  will  even unveil, for the
          first time in  public,  the  results  a  psychological  study  on
          splines,  performed  recently  in the secrecy of a darkened room,
          somewhere within the Lab.  Nothing,  no  matter  how  unpleasant,
          will held back.  It is hoped that this will serve as a warning to
          anyone tempted to sink into the morass of mathematical,  computa-
          tional, or graphical association with splines.

          Rating: Restricted to 18 years or older.

          DATE:     February 17, 1988

          TIME:     3:30 p.m.

          PLACE:    MC 5158

          Everyone is welcome.  Refreshments served.