Charles@uunet.uu.net (04/01/89)
Speaking of disasters, the latest horror movie to hit the screen has to take the cake. 976-EVIL has to be one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. Of all the 'Friday The Thirteenth' type trash I have seen, this latest entry would run circles around the rest. For some fans of occult horror, the fact that Robert Englund directed this crock would be enough to raise their interest in going to see it. Englund plays Freddie Krueger -- the poor, misunderstood victim of society in the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' series. By virtue of his ability to deliver cackling wisecracks from beneath layers of latex, he has aquired a sizeable following. In this corner though, the Englund credit did not suggest possibilities nearly as juicy as did "Sandy Dennis as Aunt Lucy". By joining those faded actresses who have subjected themselves to gruesome ends in the horror genre, Dennis finally gets rewarded for all of her irritating performances elsewhere. I am reminded of Betsy Palmer getting her head whacked off in 'Friday the Thirteenth'. When it comes time to dispatch Dennis, Englund does nasty things to her, but nothing as creative as in the Freddie films. This movie is named for the phone-in 'horrorscope' through which some small town, bored youngsters in California get marked by the devil, or at least one of his field reps. Like many of these flicks, 976-EVIL is completely incoherent. The only thing Englund seems to have learned from his Freddie films is to suggest a sequel at the end. That's not something anyone should have to worry about here. The star of the show is Aunt Lucy's strange, demented teenage son. He has problems. Played by Stephen Geoffreys, he takes on evil powers, and starts getting even with all the people who have mistreated him. What an original idea for a plot, huh? They include his cool biker cousin Pat O'Bryan; his cousin's spider-fearing girlfriend Lezlie Dean, and the bullies who usually beat him up in bathroom at school almost daily. Like Freddy Krueger, this kid is quick with the nasty, voice-processed quip. In place of Freddy's razor glove, this chap has lethal green fingernails. Like I told you, he has problems. I was left with two pressing questions, which I present to the reader: If you have your hand cut off at the wrist, are you in any position to quietly contemplate the meaning of life? And if your house is turned into a gaping hellhole, wouldn't you -- not to mention your neighbors -- bat an eyelash or two? It has gotten to the point in these movies where surprise is one lonely emotion. 976-EVIL was released by CineTel Films. The running time is 92 minutes, if you can sit through it all without dying from boredom. The ratings people give it an "R", and the movie review editor at this austere Digest gives it one star, out of some generosity and goodwill toward Ms. Dennis.