[comp.dcom.telecom] Clean Telephone Humor!

dave@westmark.westmark.com (Dave Levenson) (09/30/90)

This happened over twenty years ago.  I didn't think it harmed anybody
then, and I still don't.

I was an undergraduate at Case-Western Reserve University.  I had a
part-time job, as an attendant at the campus PBX, second or third
shift several nights per week.

The PBX at that time consisted of two rooms of step-by-step switches
which were used to complete intra-campus calls, and a six-position
cord board where incoming calls were completed to extentions.
Outgoing calls from a few privileged people were made by dialing 9 for
an outgoing trunk.  The rest of the campus extension users dialed 0,
appeared on an attendant trunk on the cord board, and then verbally
requested an outside line.

A professor who shall herein be called Dr. Smith used to use
call-forwarding.  No, the PBX hardware didn't exactly provide it, but
when Dr. Smith called the switchboard, he'd ask us to forward his
calls to extension 2201.  We couldn't do anything about directly-
dialed intra-system calls, but we wrote "2201" on some little white
plastic caps, and pushed them into the jack on the switchboard where
his line appeared.  Thereafter, when we were about to plug a cord into
his extention (which was, I think, 2663) we would read the
hand-written forwarding instructions on the cap that blocked the jack,
and then plug it into 2201, instead.

Every evening, when he returned to his office, he'd dial 0.  When we
answered, he'd tell us to un-forward his calls.  A few minutes later,
he'd dial 0 again.  He'd then request an outside line.  A few seconds
later, an incoming call would arrive.  A familiar voice would ask for
Dr. Smith.  We'd find, on trying to connect the call, that his
extension was busy, and tell the caller.  The caller would then hang
up.  As he did so, we'd find an on-hook supervisory lamp on the cord
circuit used to provide an outside line a few seconds earlier, and
we'd take down that connection.

Late one night, when I was working alone, Dr. Smith called in and
requested that we stop forwarding calls from 2663 to 2201.  I told him
I'd 'un-forward' his calls.  As I walked down the switchboard, pulling
the forwarding caps out of each appearance of 2663, an attendant trunk
call arrived (somebody dialed 0).  When I answered it, the caller (who
sounded a lot like Dr. Smith) requested an outside line.  I connected
the other end of the cord circuit to an outgoing trunk, and closed the
key that allowed dial-through.

Like clockwork, an incoming call arrived on the main incoming number
about ten seconds later.  I answered the incoming call: "Good evening,
Case-Western Reserve."

"Dr. Smith's office, please" said the caller -- who also sounded a lot
like Dr. Smith.  I lightly touched the tip of the cord circuit to the
sleeve of extension 2663, heard the familiar 'tick' that indicates a
busy extension.

"Dr. Smith's line is busy," I told the caller, "would you like to hold
until he is free?"  (I might have added that it would be a long wait,
if the caller chose to hold, and a short wait if he chose not to.  But
I didn't.)

"No thanks, I'll try again." replied the caller.

As the caller hung up, I saw the recently-connected outgoing call show
on-hook, and took it down as well.  Then, I plugged a cord into
extension 2663 and rang once.  "Smith" said a voice which answered
almost immediately.

"Thank you for waiting, Dr. Smith can take your call now," I said.

	                    ----------

I continued working part-time at the PBX for the rest of the semester.
Many evenings, Dr. Smith would call and have his calls un-forwarded,
as he always did.  But, I don't remember ever again hearing him call
back to verify that it had been done.  


Dave Levenson		Internet: dave@westmark.com 
Westmark, Inc.		UUCP: {uunet | rutgers | att}!westmark!dave
Warren, NJ, USA		AT&T Mail: !westmark!dave 
Voice: 908 647 0900     Fax: 908 647 6857