telecom@eecs.nwu.edu (TELECOM Moderator) (02/25/91)
It has been awhile since we ran this, thus many of the new readers
would not have seen it; and with the recent spate of messages about
'how things used to be' I thought this was worth reprinting. The
message which follows first appeared in TELECOM Digest July 12, 1983.
It is as good and pertinent now as it was almost eight years ago when
we first ran it here. It remains today one of the most frequently
pulled files in the Archives. Read it and you'll know why.
PAT
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Date: Tuesday, 12-Jul-83 01:18:19-PDT
From: Lauren Weinstein <vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM>
Subject: "The Day Bell System Died"
Greetings. With the massive changes now taking place in the
telecommunications industry, we're all being inundated with seemingly
endless news items and points of information regarding the various
effects now beginning to take place. However, one important element
has been missing: a song! Since the great Tom Lehrer has retired from
the composing world, I will now attempt to fill this void with my own
light-hearted, non-serious look at a possible future of telecommunications.
This work is entirely satirical, and none of its lyrics are meant to
be interpreted in a non-satirical manner. The song should be sung to
the tune of Don Mclean's classic "American Pie". I call my version
"The Day Bell System Died"...
--Lauren--
**************************************************************************
*==================================*
* Notice: This is a satirical work *
*==================================*
"The Day Bell System Died"
Lyrics Copyright (C) 1983 by Lauren Weinstein
(To the tune of "American Pie")
(With apologies to Don McLean)
ARPA: vortex!lauren@LBL-CSAM
UUCP: {decvax, ihnp4, harpo, ucbvax!lbl-csam, randvax}!vortex!lauren
**************************************************************************
Long, long, time ago,
I can still remember,
When the local calls were "free".
And I knew if I paid my bill,
And never wished them any ill,
That the phone company would let me be...
But Uncle Sam said he knew better,
Split 'em up, for all and ever!
We'll foster competition:
It's good capital-ism!
I can't remember if I cried,
When my phone bill first tripled in size.
But something touched me deep inside,
The day... Bell System... died.
And we were singing...
Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Is your office Step by Step,
Or have you gotten some Crossbar yet?
Everybody used to ask...
Oh, is TSPS coming soon?
IDDD will be a boon!
And, I hope to get a Touch-Tone phone, real soon...
The color phones are really neat,
And direct dialing can't be beat!
My area code is "low":
The prestige way to go!
Oh, they just raised phone booths to a dime!
Well, I suppose it's about time.
I remember how the payphones chimed,
The day... Bell System... died.
And we were singing...
Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Back then we were all at one rate,
Phone installs didn't cause debate,
About who'd put which wire where...
Installers came right out to you,
No "phone stores" with their ballyhoo,
And 411 was free, seemed very fair!
But FCC wanted it seems,
To let others skim long-distance creams,
No matter 'bout the locals,
They're mostly all just yokels!
And so one day it came to pass,
That the great Bell System did collapse,
In rubble now, we all do mass,
The day... Bell System... died.
So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?
I drove on out to Murray Hill,
To see Bell Labs, some time to kill,
But the sign there said the Labs were gone.
I went back to my old CO,
Where I'd had my phone lines, years ago,
But it was empty, dark, and ever so forlorn...
No relays pulsed,
No data crooned,
No MF tones did play their tunes,
There wasn't a word spoken,
All carrier paths were broken...
And so that's how it all occurred,
Microwave horns just nests for birds,
Everything became so absurd,
The day... Bell System... died.
So bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
Ma Bell why did you have to die?
We were singing:
Bye, bye, Ma Bell, why did you die?
We get static from Sprint and echo from MCI,
"Our local calls have us in hock!" we all cry.
Oh Ma Bell why did you have to die?
<End>
[Moderator's Note: I thought you'd all like that! And my sincere
thanks to Lauren for having sent it to us several years ago. PAT]