tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) (03/18/88)
AT&T Customer Service Memorandum
Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We
designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If
there are some features you think might be missing, if the system
isn't as effective as you think it could be, TOUGH! Give it
back, we don't need you. See figure 1.
*-------------------------------*
| _ |
| { } |
| | | |
| | | |
| .-.| |.-. |
| .-| | | |.-. |
| | | | ; |
| \ ; |
| \ ; |
| | : |
| | | |
| | | |
| |
*-------------------------------*
Figure 1.
Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some
of the features of your AT&T computer system.
* Options
We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you would need two
strong people to carry around the documentation if we had
bothered to write it. So many that even we don't know what most
of them do. Don't ask us for any of these options, because we
probably can't find the PEC for it anyway. Even if we find the
PEC, we probably can't order it either (just TRY asking for nroff
on a 3B2). If you don't like it, call Technologies. They'll
tell you to see Figure 1.
* Hot Lines
If you need technical help, call our hotline. You say that the
guy at the other end doesn't know any more than you do? Too bad.
If we could afford to pay qualified people to answer the phones,
we'd be paying them to make our computers work in the first
place. Besides, you don't ever need to do anything sophisticated
anyway. If you do, see Figure 1.
* Integrated Voice and Data
What the hell is integrated voice and data? All it means is that
you can talk on the phone while you are typing on your terminal.
So what if the terminal and the phone aren't integrated; that's
not what we advertise. Besides, you probably can't even walk and
chew gum at the same time, much less talk and type. If you can,
see Figure 1.
* Unix
We invented it; it's perfect, and we're the only ones who do it
right. We're so happy with it, we put it on every kind of
computer we make. We even try to keep it the same from release
to release, but usually we blow it. If you want a computer with
stable filesystems, get a VAX. Another thing: those nerds from
Berkeley are just troublemaking hackers who have a productivity
complex. They took our operating system and made it useful, so
we told them to see Figure 1.
* Applications Software
We give you MS-word; what else do you want? So what if it is a
clumsy port from another operating system, it works doesn't it?
Well, OK, it sort of works. If you want applications software,
get an IBM PC. You can get lots of it and they even support it
sometimes. If you already bought one of our computers and are
unsatisfied, you're stuck with it. We spoke with our
applications software people about this, and they think a lot
like we do; they said "see Figure 1."
* Shells
We have two shells; one we sell and one we use. The Bourne shell
is plenty good for trivial little hacks, which is all you do
anyway. Don't ask for the Korn shell either. It's great,
everybody at AT&T has a copy, but we won't give it to you.
Besides, if you want to do anything important, write it in C. We
told our shell programmers to see Figure 1 a long time ago.
* The C Programming Language
We like it so much we named a book after it. You can do anything
our machines can do, which is not very much. Where else can you
put so much unreadable code in such a small space? Besides, you
probably should be programming in the shell anyway; C is too hard
for you. We told our C programmers to see Figure 1 a long time
ago anyway.
* Floating Point Hardware
We have the WE32106 Math Accelerator Unit, one of the fastest
chips around. It's so special that you need a special compiler
to use it. Nobody knows how to get you a copy of the compiler?
That's right. We don't release it because we are writing another
one. When it's ready, we might give it to you, but probably not.
In the meantime, you have to stick with the interpreter, live
with the slowness, and see Figure 1.
* Support
We have thousands of service people out there, but most of them
are busy. If your computer breaks, you will just have to wait.
Our techs are rehashed phone installers, so don't expect them to
be very helpful unless it involves tip and ring. Oh, if something
breaks between 5:00 PM and 9:00 the next morning, don't waste
your time calling us, we're out. We also take lots of lunch
breaks. If you need real support, see Figure 1.
In conclusion, stuff your complaint. Love your AT&T
computer or leave it, but don't bitch to us. We don't give a
shit. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
--
Tom Yager, Digital Ultrix Support ("It MUST be the hardware!")
U.S. Mail: DEC, 14 Walkup Drive YWO/C9, Westborough, MA 01581
uucp: ...decvax!mkunix!tyager
"Eat a live toad in the morning; nothing worse will happen all day."louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) (03/20/88)
In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: > > > AT&T Customer Service Memorandum > > Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We > designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except the author's waste basket. Does Tom Yager really work for DEC? -- Louis Schmittroth My employer has no opinions. Computer Science Athabasca University ...{ubc-vision, ihnp4}!alberta!auvax!louis
eh@amdahl.uts.amdahl.com (Elliot Howard) (03/20/88)
In article <570@auvax.UUCP> louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: >In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: >> >> >> AT&T Customer Service Memorandum >> >> Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We >> designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If > >This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about >another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't >belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except >the author's waste basket. Louis: "Please see figure 1."
dturner@daisy.UUCP (LeStat de Lioncourt) (03/21/88)
From article <570@auvax.UUCP>, by louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth): > In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: >> AT&T Customer Service Memorandum >> >> Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We >> designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If > > This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about > another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't > belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except > the author's waste basket. Does Tom Yager really work for DEC? LAY OFF, I thought it was veary cute, not the best but all right, I agre it dose not belong in comp.unix.etc but it dose fall into the catagory of hummor. just because it dose not seem funny to you dosn't meen it's not funny to everone, sorry, i just needed to soy that, ttfn -- Life + The Universe + Everthing = 42 ? {cbosgd,fortune,hplabs,seismo!ihnp4,ucbvax}!nsc!daisy!dturner Daisy Systems, 700 E. Middlefield Rd, P.O. Box 7006, Mountain View CA 94039-7006. (415)960-7070
friedl@vsi.UUCP (Stephen J. Friedl) (03/21/88)
In article <570@auvax.UUCP>, louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: > In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: > > > > > > AT&T Customer Service Memorandum > > > > Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We > > designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If > > This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about > another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't > belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except > the author's waste basket. Does Tom Yager really work for DEC? Tom didn't write that, I did. My posting of this (to rec.humor only) was marked "Satire" and was following up a *very* funny "Advanced User's Guide to the DEC Rainbow PC100 Users Guide". For unknown reasons, Tom Yager posted this to rec.humor and comp.unix.xenix a day after I did with no indication where it came from. It *is* satire, many of us in the AT&T world (I'm a VAR/ISV) chuckle at the humor even though it is not nearly so true as it might have in the past (I've been using 3B2/3B5s since 1984 -- I could tell some *great* stories). Sorry if it offended anybody or that it found its way outside of rec.humor. Also, I don't get comp.unix.xenix so flames or notes should be sent via email. Regards, Steve -- Steve Friedl friedl@vsi.com *Hi Mom* {uunet, attmail, ihnp4!amdcad!uport}!vsi!friedl
john@jclyde.UUCP (John B. Meaders Jr.) (03/21/88)
In article <570@auvax.UUCP> louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: >another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't >belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except I thought it was hilarious. Don't take things so seriously. :-) -- John B. Meaders, Jr. 1114 Camino La Costa #3083, Austin, TX 78752 ATT: Voice: +1 (512) 451-5038 Data: +1 (512) 371-0550 UUCP: ...!uunet!utastro!bigtex!jclyde!john or john@jclyde
steven@lakesys.UUCP (Steven Goodman) (03/21/88)
In article <942@daisy.UUCP> dturner@daisy.UUCP (LeStat de Lioncourt) writes: >From article <570@auvax.UUCP>, by louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth): >> In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: >>> AT&T Customer Service Memorandum >>> >>> Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We >>> designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If >> >> This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about >> another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't >> belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except >> the author's waste basket. Does Tom Yager really work for DEC? > > LAY OFF, I thought it was veary cute, not the best but all right, >I agre it dose not belong in comp.unix.etc but it dose fall into the >catagory of hummor. > >just because it dose not seem funny to you dosn't meen it's not >funny to everone, > >sorry, i just needed to soy that, > I happen to agree totally with the authors views. As a Systems Administrator of a University with LOTS of AT&T stuff from 6300's to 3B15's I could write books as to problems with support, hardware, etc... Sometimes I wonder if they even give a ^%$#. Seems as if you don't become VERY verbose and start creating waves, nothing gets done. In fact we at Marquette University (there I said it) have been promised MUCH from AT&T and haven't seen a thing yet. We are still waiting to beta test 3B600's (now that they are being mass produced and marketed) and also have been waiting 3 weeks longer then promised to be a general "Hardware/Software Beta Site". I have a feeling that it will not be easy, every time they promise anything I spend HOURS trying to make this a reality on the phone. I often think they promise these things simply to calm us down (last time they promised us something was after they couldn't get out "net" up for weeks). Local support? Zippo, only way they react is after they get ^&%$ from upstairs. Then they "nice ya to death" for awhile and back to the same routine. Personally, bad service is one thing (and AT&T wrote the book on it) but IF I am told that I am to receive product to beta test (ie; "you guys want a bunch of 3B600's to test?") or if I am told "We would like to make you a beta site for future AT&T Hardware & Software", I expect it. Now it's no longer a matter of poor service but their "good word". One would think that a corporation with sooo much money behind them would be able to get something done? Forget it, it's like dealing with the Government! Everyone has their job, and I rarely see anyone there putting in anything "extra". By the way, would someone at the hotline change the "muzak" on the phones? I've heard every song 100's of times now. Our department pours a huge percentage of it's budget into AT&T product (like sending something to /dev/null). Perhaps they will win this war, I'm tired, I'm exhauted, I'm fustrated. As for posting this sort of thing to the "net". I would do the same if they gave us great service. Anyone have Jimmy Olsen's phone number? -- Steven M. Goodman Lake Systems - Milwaukee, Wisconsin {ihnp4,uwvax}!uwmcsd1!lakesys!steven {rutgers,uunet}!marque!/
caf@omen.UUCP (Chuck Forsberg WA7KGX) (03/22/88)
In article <570@auvax.UUCP> louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: :In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: :> :> :> AT&T Customer Service Memorandum :> :> Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We :> designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If : :This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about :another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Lighten up already. It's a followup to a previous article (many years old) that was somewhat less charitable to VMS. I'm calling the new file figure.2, the old one is called figure.1. Both files are now available on TeleGodzilla in the "pic" subdirectory; enjoy. And now for something completely different: Does anyine have parts 4, 10, 11, and/or 12 to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Net that appeared in early 1983?? Chuck Forsberg WA7KGX ...!tektronix!reed!omen!caf Author of YMODEM, ZMODEM, Professional-YAM, ZCOMM, and DSZ Omen Technology Inc "The High Reliability Software" 17505-V NW Sauvie IS RD Portland OR 97231 503-621-3406 TeleGodzilla BBS: 621-3746 CIS: 70007,2304 Genie: CAF
thompson@dalcs.UUCP (Michael A. Thompson) (03/22/88)
In article <570@auvax.UUCP> louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: >In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: >> AT&T Customer Service Memorandum >> >> Please stop submitting compliants. This is our system. We >> designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If >This was the most offensive posting I have seen from from vendor about >another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't >belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except >the author's waste basket. Does Tom Yager really work for DEC? I don't care, I thought it was funny, it mirrors many people's stereotypical view of the phone company (have you ever watched Laugh in?) I do agree that comp.unix.xenix is inapropiate for that posting however, I also think that rec.humor is inappropiate for this discussion so I've set the Followup-To field to rec.humor.d. Some warning that it might offend the thin skined would also have been appropiate (see figure 1) or rot13ing it. Who cares if Tom Yager works for DEC or not! I didn't even notice until you mentioned it. BTW this is MY opinion, NOT my employers (altho they may have an opinion on this they haven't expressed it to me). The following is a joke: possibly offensive to: Catholics Priests Jews Rabbis Pigs Or the easyly offended One day a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest were travelling on the train together, when the priest turns to the Rabbi Priest: "So, I understand that you arn't allowed to eat pork?" Rabbi: "Yes, that is true." P: "Bet ya you've tried it tho!" R: "Well ... yes" P: "Good wasn't it" R: "Well ... um ... yes" The train continued on with the priest looking very smug when the Rabbi turned to the priest R: "So, I understand that you arn't allowed to have Sex?" P: "Yes, that's true." R: "Bet you you've tried it!" P: "Well ... yes" R: "Better than PORK! wasn't it!" -- Michael A. Thompson, Dept. Math, Stats, & C.S., Dalhousie U., Halifax, N.S. thompson@dalcs.uucp From Bitnet or Uucp thompson@cs.dal.cdn From Bitnet or Cdn thompson%dalcs.uucp@uunet.uu.net From Arpa
lyndon@ncc.UUCP (Lyndon Nerenberg) (03/23/88)
In article <608@jclyde.UUCP> john@jclyde.UUCP (John B. Meaders Jr.) writes: In article <570@auvax.UUCP> louis@auvax.UUCP (Louis Schmittroth) writes: >another vendor. Not funny, not accurate, merely scurrilous. Doesn't >belong on comp.unix.xenix, nor rec.humor, nor anywhere else, except I thought it was hilarious. Don't take things so seriously. :-) What's even funnier is he's about to be saddled with a whole bunch of 3BXXX's :-) [ Sorry Louis, I couldn't resist... ]
steve@slovax.UUCP (Steve Cook) (03/23/88)
in article <652@omen.UUCP>, caf@omen.UUCP (Chuck Forsberg WA7KGX) says: > > And now for something completely different: Does anyine have > parts 4, 10, 11, and/or 12 to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the > Net that appeared in early 1983?? > How about all of them??? -- Steve Cook Hah... try to find me at {psivax,ism780}!logico!slovax!steve or at {hplsla,uw-beaver}!tikal!slovax!steve I dare you to, RDA will disavow all knowledge of me.
retants@cmx.npac.syr.edu (Becki Tants) (03/23/88)
In article <2961@slovax.UUCP> steve@slovax.UUCP (Steve Cook) writes: >in article <652@omen.UUCP>, caf@omen.UUCP (Chuck Forsberg WA7KGX) says: >> >> And now for something completely different: Does anyine have >> parts 4, 10, 11, and/or 12 to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the >> Net that appeared in early 1983?? >> > How about all of them??? > What are the chances of sending a copy of all of that to me? Thanks RETANTS@SUVM.ACS.SYR.EDU
c60a-4ad@web7a.berkeley.edu (byron chanbonpin go) (03/26/88)
In article <282@cmx.npac.syr.edu> retants@cmx.npac.syr.edu (Becki Tants) writes: >In article <2961@slovax.UUCP> steve@slovax.UUCP (Steve Cook) writes: >>in article <652@omen.UUCP>, caf@omen.UUCP (Chuck Forsberg WA7KGX) says: >>> >What are the chances of sending a copy of all of that to me? >Thanks >RETANTS@SUVM.ACS.SYR.EDU Me too, Steve (or Becki)... PLEASE???? Thanks. Byron c60a-4ad@widow.Berkeley.edu
pavlov@hscfvax.harvard.edu (G.Pavlov) (03/28/88)
In article <159@mkunix.DEC.COM>, tyager@mkunix.DEC.COM (Tom Yager) writes: > > AT&T Customer Service Memorandum > > ...................... (re support, attitudes, etc)............... > > -- > Tom Yager, Digital Ultrix Support ("It MUST be the hardware!") > U.S. Mail: DEC, 14 Walkup Drive YWO/C9, Westborough, MA 01581 > uucp: ...decvax!mkunix!tyager The juxtaposition of the company this comes from is funnier still... greg pavlov (with two ultrix uvaxen) at fstrf, amherst, ny
bradd@gssc.UUCP (Brad Davis) (03/29/88)
In article <527@lakesys.UUCP> steven@lakesys.UUCP (Steven Goodman) writes: > One would > think that a corporation with sooo much money behind them would > be able to get something done? Forget it, it's like dealing > with the Government! Everyone has their job, and I rarely see > anyone there putting in anything "extra". An ex-AT&T employee I know described AT&T as the place where 20-year-olds go to retire. Say, does anyone out there have the text of Lilly Tomlin's "Operator" routine? That would be a valuable addition to this discussion. Brad Davis ====== ====== ====== US MAIL: 9590 SW Genini Dr. == == == Beaverton, OR 97005 == == == == == == PHONE: (503) 641-2200 == == == == UUCP: tektronix!sequent!gssc!bradd ====== ====== ====== Disclaimer: I'm a mushroom. The Graphics Experts
peking@sfsup.UUCP (L.Perkins) (04/01/88)
Re Lily Tomlin: We are not subject to federal, state or local regulation; we are omnipotent. (If you don't believe it, I'll sic Vito the Reparman on you) -- ________________________________________________________________ attunix!peking "The few, the proud, the red-haired" ---------------------------------------------------------------