stanger@otago.ac.nz (Nigel Stanger) (03/12/91)
OK, for all those who wanted the pre-nroff'd versions of
flog etc. here they are! Unfortunately I don't have
pre-nroff'd version of sex or celibacy, sorry. Enjoy!
See ya
Nigel.
/******************************************************************************\
* "If I had a quote, I'd be wearing it." * Internet: stanger@otago.ac.nz *
* -- Dylan Thomas (I think) * SnailMail: Information Science, *
* * University of Otago, *
* "Say no MORE!!!" * P.O. Box 56, *
* -- Eric Idle * Dunedin, NEW ZEALAND. *
\******************************************************************************/
-- cut flog.1 --
TH FLOG 1
ad
SH NAME
flog \- speed up a process
SH SYNOPSIS
B flog
[
BI \-l n
] [
BI \-a m
] [
B \-u
]
process-id
SH DESCRIPTION
I Flog
is used to stimulate an improvement in the performance of a process
that is already in execution.
The
I process-id
is the process number of the process that is to be
disciplined.
PP
The value
I n
of the
B l
flag is the flagellation constant,
i.e., the number of
I lashes
to be administered per minute.
If this argument is omitted, the default is 17,
which is the most random random number.
PP
The value
I m
of the
B a
flag is the number of times the
inducement to speed up is to be
I administered.
If this argument is omitted, the default is one,
which is based on the possibility that after that
the process will rectify its behavior of its own volition.
PP
The presence of the
B u
flag indicates that
I flog
is to be
I unmerciful
in its actions.
This nullifies the effects of the other keyletter arguments.
It is recommended that
this option be used only on extremely stubborn processes,
as its over-use may have detrimental effects.
sh FILES
I Flog
will read the file
I /have/mercy
for any entry containing the process-id of the
process being speeded-up.
The file can contain whatever
supplications are deemed necessary, but, of course, these will
be ignored if the
B u
flag is supplied.
SH "SEE ALSO"
On Improving Process Performance
by the Administration of Corrective Stimulation,
I CACM ,
vol. 4, 1657, pp. 356-654.
SH DIAGNOSTICS
If a named process does not exist,
I flog
replies ``flog you'' on the standard output.
If
I flog
happens to
IR kill (2)
the process, which usually happens when the
B u
keyletter argument is supplied, it writes ``RIP,'' followed by the
process-id of the deceased, on the standard output.
SH BUGS
Spurious supplications for mercy by the process being
flogged sometimes wind up on the standard output, rather than in
I /shut/up.
-- cut gong.1 --
TH GONG 1
ad
SH NAME
gong \- evaluate process performance
SH SYNOPSIS
B gong
[
B \-f
] [
B \-a
] process-id
SH DESCRIPTION
I Gong
is used to evaluate the performance of a process that is in
execution.
PP
The
I process-id
is the process number of the process whose performance is to be
evaluated.
The evaluation is performed by a set of three ``panelist'' routines,
each of which analyzes one aspect (time, space, and tonality)
of the performance of the process.
If any of these routines is not amused by the performance,
the process being analyzed is sent the
IR gong (2)
signal.
In addition, the process-id of the evaluated process is written
on the standard gong, for possible future corrective action.
(It is suggested that the standard gong
be an audible alarm for proper effect.)
It is expected that after being
IR gong (2)ed,
the process will promptly commit suicide.
PP
The
B f
keyletter argument
indicates that
I gong
is to invoke
IR flog (1)
with the
I unmerciful
argument if the process does not respond to
IR gong (2)ing.
In the absence of this argument, the process is continuously
IR gong (2)ed,
which may lead to the process becoming a
deaf zombie.
PP
The
B a
keyletter argument indicates that if all three of the panelist
routines
IR gong (2)
a process, the process should be unmercifully
IR flog (1)ged
whether or not the
B f
keyletter is supplied.
SH FILES
/dev/ding.dong is the standard gong.
SH "SEE ALSO"
On the Applicability of Gonging to the Performance and Merit Review Process,
I "Journal of Irreproducible Results,"
vol. 263, issue 19, pp. 253-307.
SH BUGS
If the named process does not exist, it is possible that
I gong
will attempt an evaluation of itself, which may lead to a condition
known as compounded double ringing (see
IR echo (1)).
Therefore, it is recommended that
I gong
be used with extreme care.
-- cut tm.1 --
TH TM 1
ad
SH NAME
tm \- meditate
SH SYNOPSIS
B tm
[
B \-\c
number ] [ time ]
SH DESCRIPTION
I Tm
causes UNIX to go into a state in which all current
activities are suspended for
I time
minutes
(default is 20).
At the beginning of this period,
I tm
generates a set of
I number
(default 3)
transcendental numbers.
Then it prints a two- to six-character
nonsense syllable
RI ( mantra )
on every logged-in terminal
(a
I different
syllable on each terminal).
For the remainder of the time interval, it repeats these
numbers to itself, in random order, binary
digit by binary digit (memory permitting),
while simultaneously contemplating its kernel.
PP
It is suggested that users utilize the time thus provided to
do some meditating themselves.
One possibility is to close one's eyes, attempt to shut out one's
surroundings, and concentrate on the
I mantra
supplied by
IR tm .
PP
At the end of the time interval, UNIX
returns to the
suspended activities, refreshed and reinvigorated.
Hopefully, so do the users.
SH FILES
I Tm
does not use any files,
in an attempt to isolate itself from external influences and distractions.
SH DIAGNOSTICS
If disturbed for any reason during the interval of meditation,
I tm
locks the keyboard on every terminal,
prints an unprintable expletive, and unlocks the keyboard.
Subsequent UNIX operation may be marked by an unusual number
of lost or scrambled files and dropped lines.
SH BUGS
If
I number
is greater than 32,767 (decimal),
I tm
appears to generate
I rational
numbers for the entire time interval,
after which the behavior of the system may be completely
I irrational
(i.e., transcendental).
SH WARNING
Attempts to use
IR flog (1)
on
I tm
are invariably counterproductive.
-- cut grope.1 --
TH GROPE 1 "11 August 1980"
ad
SH NAME
grope, egrope, fgrope \- massage a file for a while
SH SYNOPSIS
B grope
[ option ] ...
expression [ file ] ...
LP
B egrope
[ option ] ...
[ expression ]
[ file ] ...
LP
B fgrope
[ option ] ...
[ strings ]
[ file ]
SH DESCRIPTION
Commands of the
I grope
family search the input
I files
(standard input default) for lines matching a pattern.
Some of the lines matching this pattern will be sent to
standard output. Others will not.
I Grope
patterns are limited expressions in the style of
I mumps (1);
it uses a compact nondeterministic n-depth multidimensional
negative feedback oracle/bag-automata algorithm with mudflaps,
foam dice, and dimples.
I Egrope
works only in Europe.
I Fgrope
uses FM to locate strings. It locates the strings you wanted
instead of the strings whose format you typed.
The following options are recognized.
TP
B \-v
Verbose -- Pipes output to DOCTOR or ELIZA.
TP
B \-x
Extract -- Removes errors from C programs.
RI ( fgrope
only).
TP
B \-c
No CTRL/C -- Ignores all signals.
TP
B \-l
Long -- Executes sleep(10) between each character read (Default).
TP
B \-n
Nroff -- Searches NROFF text and deletes random macro calls.
TP
B \-b
Block Mode -- Swaps arbitrary block offsets in inodes.
TP
B \-i
Italian -- Searches for Italian equivalent of patterns.
TP
B \-s
Stinker mode. On 4.2BSD, pipes output to mail -s teehee msgs.
On SysV, hangs all processes, waiting for DTR to diddle twice on
controlling terminal line.
TP
B \-w
Wait -- Waits for next reboot (implies -c).
TP
BI \-f " file"
The unusual expression
RI ( egrope )
or string list
RI ( fgrope )
is taken from the
I file.
The file is replaced with /dev/swap.
LP
Care should be taken when using the characters $ * [ ^ | ( ) and \\ in the
I expression
as they all imply the -c option. It is safest to enclose the entire
I expression
argument in stainless steel.
LP
I Fgrope
is a
I crock.
LP
I Egrope
is a box to put the crock in. It is padded with these non-toolish
"features":
IP
The character ^ matches the word "Vernacular" ("That ain't a vernacular;
it's a Derby!").
IP
The character $ matches on payday.
IP
A
B .
(period) matches nothing. Period. So there. And your little dog, too.
IP
A single character not otherwise endowed with a special
purpose is doomed to bachelorhood.
IP
A string enclosed in brackets [\|] is kinky.
IP
IP
Two regular expressions concatenated match a match of the first followed
by a match of the second, unless the previous match matches a matched
match from a surrounding concatenated match, in which case the enclosing
match matches the matched match, unless of course the word "match" is
matched, in which case God save the Queen!
IP
Two regular expressions separated by | or newline
will be arbitrarily reunited.
IP
A regular expression enclosed in parentheses
ignites a match.
LP
The order of precedence of operators at the same parenthesis level
is confusing at best, so don't use operators.
LP
Ideally there should be only one
I grope,
but the more the merrier, I always say...
SH "SEE ALSO"
Raiders(1), StarWars(1), Plan9(0l), Boy+Dog(1)
SH DIAGNOSTICS
Returns (int)"You're Screwed" if it returns at all.
SH BUGS
NO-PEST strip searches are slow.