mlr@hounx.UUCP (M.ROBINS) (10/13/85)
Below is the procedure for the ultimate benchmark:
The #1 question of the day is, of course, how fast can the
various computing systems we all deal with perform out
favorite applications: nothing? We have all devised various
means of benchmarking this most popular computer
application, with various degrees of success.
The time is ripe to remove this experimentation from the
realm of pure research in order to apply it to everyday use.
It is clear from our tests that most computers we deal with
can do nothing very quickly, in fact, it is feasible for the
computer to do less in seconds than experts do in a
lifetime.
It has been pointed out to me, however, that computer-
iterated nothing is really something, and that's not
nothing. Everyone knows that you can't get nothing for
something. What is clearly needed is a way to do a lot of
nothing without the overhead of iterating, which tends to
detract from the amount of nothing performed; the iterating
being something rather than nothing.
A novel approach is to remove all power from the system,
which removes most system overhead so that resources can be
fully devoted to doing nothing. Benchmarks on this
technique are promising; tremendous amounts of nothing can
be produced in this manner, Certain hardware limitations
can limit the speed of this method, especially in the larger
systems which require a more involved & less efficient
power-down sequence.
An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the
building, which seems to provide even more nothing, but in
truth has bugs in it, since it usually inhibits the systems
which keep the beer cool. The best approach seems to be to
provide a specialized piece of hardware for removing power
solely from the computer system itself, without affecting
local beer-cooling and cheese-dip-mixing equipment. I have
found this system to be most satisfactory.
Let me demonstra %(#^