dave@questar.QUESTAR.MN.ORG (David Becker) (02/08/89)
Welcome to this episode of Divorce Court. You will see the spectacle of the dirty net.laundry hung out for all see and maybe a moderator hung out to dry. Doing the laundry today is Judge Rex. Rex began his career under Judge Wapner as his dog in rec.humor.spc (may it rest in peace). Now he has his own bench here on Divorce Court. Today: Brad Templeton, moderator of rec.humor.funny, and editor of _rec.humor Computer Network Humor_($9.95), is being sued for divorce by the Usenet Community. Rex is donning his asbestos robes. Lets join the proceedings ... Bailiff: All rise for the Honorable Judge Rex The multitudes of net.gods, computer professionals, bored post-docs, burned out faculty, and college nerds rise in homage. A sign reading, "The end of the net is at hand," is seen in the crowd. Bailiff: Hear Ye, Hear Ye. The usenet district divorce court is now in session. Rex: Brad, your file says one of your postings started this brouhaha. Please describe it for the court. Brad T: As your honor knows I have been a hard working moderator of rec.humor.funny for several years. Every day I post a few hilarious jokes in my group for the masses to enjoy. 30 to 60 jokes a day are sent to me to be compiled into those funny few. Sometimes, believe it or not, a joke can be culled out of the postings to rec.humor. Rex: Really? I thought they just did puns and flames. Continue. Brad T: This arrangement worked well. As editor/compiler of these jokes I am publishing an annual compilation of the best, most side-splitting of the postings. Cries of "For money?!?", "Thief", "rm him!" are heard from the community Rex: Order in the court. Bailiff, if you hear someone out of order, replace files they own with week old backups. Continue. Brad T: My posting, which started all this, simply spelled out my right to a compilation copyright on the material. According to precedents my lawyer submitted, it is clearly my RIGHT to publish the _Annual_. I have always had this right, but wanted to make that clear to my readers. At the same time I made clear that only free access sites may have my group without receiving prior permission from. If Bix, CompuServe or any other moneygrubbing operations want the group they have to ask. Rex: And say pretty please with sugar on top? Brad T: No, just make me the equivalent of moderator for the group and pass along a little payola. Also sites that hassle me like U of Waterloo or Stanford can not have my group. I just am enunciating my right of control of who reads my material. More cries: "Tyrant", "who does he think is?" "IT'S THE END OF THE NET" "I control rec.startrek" A few arcs of napalm are descending on Brad. Bailiff types several commands and spawns a worm to eat several users. The screams die away in a minute or so. Rex: Why bother stirring up this can of worms? Brad T: I've been labeled a major league racist by the newspapers out in the real world. My lawyer said such a posting would strengthen my position. Rex: Well, well, well. Been reading your rights, huh, Brad. Usenet community your opening remarks please. Usenet: Judge, this kind of behaviour is totally inappropriate. I know your favourite moderator is Bill in sci.military. If the well-loved moderators of comp.unix.sources, alt.gourmand or rec.mag.otherrealms behaved in such an unilateral, profit-seeking manner, it would be the end the doom-sayers predict. No one would be willing to post any more. Rex: Please, not the doom argument. Usenet: I motion that rec.humor.funny be divorced from Usenet. Nuke 'em judge. Rex: The net.procedures demand a vote or action by the nefarious backbone cabal. Brad what is your position or is it posted in alt.sex? (chuckle cackle) Is it good enough for r.h.f? Brad T: Uh, sorry judge, its a class group. If Usenet wants to get rid of r.h.f thats fine by me as long I lose the vote. The fans of r.h.f will not let that happen. Usenet: Judge, a more reasonable motion will be something a few of dark lord backbone sys admins have discussed. Order that Brad be replaced as moderator of rec.humor.funny with someone willing to behave in the spirit of usenet. Rex: And which spirit is that. Usenet: Legalism and For-profit work is disgusting. These motives belong only in the biz groups. Rex: I will consider my opinion and return with a decision after this commercial break sponored by rec.auto. Rec.Auto would like to give these maintainence tips: Change oil every 500 miles and never, ever drive with your clutch depressed to coast. Remember rec.auto is cheaper than a real mechanic and we KNOW what we're doing. Rex: I have reached a verdict. The motion to nuke rec.humor.funny is hereby denied. The motion to replace Brad as moderator will go to a vote. My recommendation is that he be retained as moderator. He has put blood and sweat into the job. Brad, I hereby order you to use only jokes submitted directly to you and to publish only those whose author you can contact. Culls from other groups can be posted but not published. On controlling who reads your group, forget it. Its not feasible or in the spirit of the net. Now the punishment will be carried out. The judge has dropped to all-fours and jumped down from the bench. He waddles over to stand beside Brad. He raises a rear leg and lets it fly. Omigad! Brad's jeans are soaked. Here's Brad leaving the court... Brad Brad what do you think of the judgment? Brad: (looking very pissed off) I want CONTROL, its my RIGHT, ask my lawyer. But Brad will this get into r.h.f?? Brad: Forget it. -- David Becker and another bug bites, and another bug bites another bug bites the dust db@kolonel.MN.ORG