idc@cs.hw.ac.uk (Ian Crorie) (06/16/89)
The following article appeared in a local Edinburgh newspaper (the Lothians Gazette and Mini Computer Weekly). I thought the net might be interested. (quoted without permission) ANNOUNCEMENT OF NEW SERVICE FOR COMPUTER NEWSREADERS The world's computer networks are full to overflowing with absolutely useless garbage says Antilles Technology's V.P. Brad Badfellow. He believes this shocking state of affairs is more damaging to the globe than were the Second World War, the Highland Clearances and the MacDonald's Hamburger, put together. He and his company, Altruistic Technology of Auchterader, Fife, want to do something about it. They plan to establish the `In Clarification Network', a service that will monitor the USENET information flow and weed out all the disgusting crap that their client's lives are too short to read. Badfellow argues that currently too much bandwidth is wasted by users flooding the network with inane or irrelevant responses to articles. He cites a recent case where rec.funny.humor moderator Benito Templeton was forced to disconnect from the network for a period of weeks after one particularly funny joke provoked thousands of messages of congratulation. This is the sort of problem that worries Badfellow. ``Benito's system just couldn't cope with the deluge. For example, one fan, a Mr Matt Oddjob, sent 11 messages expressing his devotion, 7 asking for an autograph, 2 offers of marriage and one suggesting that Mr Templeton stand down as moderator to allow him more time to concentrate on his profit making activities.'' Antidiluvian Technology's clients on the other hand, will, for a ``small daily charge'', be able to read, without dilution, the tip-top cream of USENET articles. Brad expects the ability to quickly focus on, say, the latest tips on killing floating eyes on level 19 or the cheapest dinette sets for sale in New Jersey, to be a major selling point for his service. ``Information excrement flows down the sewage pipes of the free world's networks each and every day,'' Badfellow pointed out diffidently. ``I see the mission of my company, Posterior Technology, to get to the bottom of the source of the sewage and wipe away the waste from our electronic highways and byways.'' Badfellow co-authored the 6 volume ``Metaphor Mixing, A Guide to the World of Product Announcements'', and was instrumental in persuading Alice in Wonderland Software of Waterloo to set up their new DumboNews NewsWire SerVice. ``We decided to name it after the best known elephant we could think of,'', Brad confided to Gazette reporters, `` since elephants, like the Contracts section of our Legal department, never forget''. -- [This space rented Problems with uncomfortable Swinnerton-Dyers? by EDUADS] Try the new K-TEL Rectal Irritant Extractor --