autilio (05/14/82)
Below are some prime candidates for the title "The Worst Record Ever Recorded". I tried to limit myself to choosing only those albums which (almost) everyone would agree are dreadful. In the spirit of fairness, I have suggested some situations in which even this music might prove appropriate. Yoko Ono/ The Plastic Ono Band This one's really annoying at any volume. Useful for defoliating household plants. The Portsmouth Sinfonia Plays the Popular Classics - Portsmouth Sinfonia Here we have a group of people picking up musical instruments for the first time and destroying for posterity some of the world's (former) favorites, The Blue Danube, The Hall of the Mountain King, Thus Spake Zarathustra and many more. Leonard Bernstein said that the Portsmouth Sinfonia changed his attitude toward the William Tell Overture forever. Useful at parties for telling the last guests that it's time to leave. (Note: This is also on my list of favorites!) Metal Machine Music - Lou Reed This double album sounds exactly the same no matter where you place the needle. No musical instruments are used, just amplifiers. Rumor has it Lou Reed used this one to get out of a record contract. Useful for stripping paint and for exterminating insects and small animals. Also raises one's consciousness as to how carelessly we are wasting our diminishing petroleum resources. Cheers, Pat Autilio houxf!autilio