dfz (03/22/83)
I suspect that "heavy cream" is analogous to "heavy water", that is, it is made from cows' milk containing hydrogen atoms in the form of deuterium or tritium. Such milk is derived, of course, only from "heavy cows", which are distinct from "normal" cows not only in their tremendous weight, but also in their tendency to glow in the dark. "Heavy cows" are best bred in the vicinity of nuclear reactors and show best results when feeding on "heavy grass". The latter substance is best obtained in Miami, near the Mexican border, or at parties where such materials are consumed for non-agricultural porpoises. Another way of inducing this condition in livestock is to pipe into their stalls a constant dose of "heavy metal", although this tends to cause deafness and a subsequent loss of response to loud, oncoming objects (i.e. trains, cars, tractors, etc.). "Heavy-handed discipline" can also bring about better results; some excellent examples are striking one's cattle with a "heavy-duty" farm implements or hiring a "heavyweight" to administer punishment for bovine infractions. I hope this has been of some help. -Yours in heavy thought, Dave Ziffer ..!decvax!ihnss!iwlc7!dfz