avi@hpcehfe.HP.COM (Avi Naiman) (08/07/87)
Last week, at the SIGGRAPH (ACM's Special Interest Group on Graphics)
Conference, I incorporated a Star Trek parody into my presentation on
"Rectangular Convolution for Fast Filtering of Fonts". Although the
text for the parody was prepared well in advance, the A/V props were
put together at the last minute; now that I have loads of time on my
hands (:-)), I'd like to redo them. They consisted of: an audio cassette
playing the Star Trek theme (including Kirk's introductory voiceover),
35mm slides of the text of the parody (reproduced below, for those who
care), and videodisc images of the Enterprise and main actors (shot from
Starlog, issue #112, November, 1986).
I'd like to put together a more cohesive version for future presentations,
and need help/recommendations/collaboration in the following areas:
1) Where can I get the ST theme music *without* Kirk's voiceover? I'd
like to record the narration portion of the text over a pristine
version of the music. Were any of the ST Movie soundtracks close
to the TV theme (I know ST IV wasn't). [Incidentally, had I had a
clean copy of the music, I might've had the gumption to ask William
Shatner to do the voiceover; he attended the first night of the film
show (purportedly for ideas for ST V)].
2) Where can I get good quality, large format pictures of the crew at
a *young* age? The pictures in Starlog are from the ST IV era.
Ideally, I'd like to find 35mm slides of the actors in uniform, but
I'll settle for large glossies.
3) Does anyone know offhand of any dialogue (tv series or movies) which
is appropriate to the parody? As an alternative to showing text slides
and the picture of the character who's supposed to be talking, it would
be neat to splice together a buch of videotape clips where the actors
say something relevant (e.g., about frequencies, optometry, crystals).
[I don't want anyone using this request as an excuse to sit down and
review the whole series; but, if a bunch of people wanted to volunteer
for a few episodes ...].
4) Does anyone know of any good ST voice impressionists (preferably in the
Silicon Valley area)? In conjunction with the video clips (or even
without them), having the parody spoken would be preferable to slides.
Thanx and may the force be with you (oops, :-)),
Avi Naiman
Hewlett Packard & University of Toronto
(415) 857-6310
avi%hpcehfe@hplabs.hp.com
...!hplabs!hpcea!hpcehfe!avi
Here's the parody. The presentation was in a 5,000 seat arena at the Anaheim
convention center. Behind the speaker (that's me) there were three humongous
screens. The middle one projected the speaker's image while he talked, or
videotapes, films, etc. To either side were projected the speaker's 35mm
slides. The images of the Enterprise, Kirk, Spock, etc., were stored on a
videodisc and projected onto the center screen (Enterprise for the narration,
each actor for his lines). Kirk's lines were projected on the left slide
screen, everyone else's on the right. Throughout, the audio cassette was
playing the theme music (it really boomed out on their sound system).
Feel free to make suggestions or ask for explanations. Remember, this was
a talk to a computer graphics audience on filtering characters.
NARRATOR Intensity: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the
Light Ship Filterise. Its five micro-second mission: to explore
strange new world-coordinate systems; to seek out new edges and
orientations; to boldly go where no pixel has gone before.
LIGHT TREK
"Titles"
Light Date: 42.1987
KIRK Roll Titles.
UHURA Captain! Incoming signals on all frequencies.
KIRK Helm: ahead sync factor 4.
2
SULU i Captain.
KIRK Cut all high frequencies and put a sharp image on the viewer.
SPOCK Highly illogical, Sir.
KIRK What's the effect on human vision Bones?
MCKOY I'm a doctor, dammit; not an optometrist.
KIRK Status report.
CHECKOV Reconstruction proceeding at all workstations.
KIRK Engineering: we need more power.
SCOTTY The square pulse is draining the 68K crystals too fast.
SPOCK Light Fleet has just beamed us a new filter technique.
Here it is on the monitor now:
FAST FILTERING FOR FUZZY FONTS
At this point, I cut to a videotape on the algorithm I was describing.
The A/V crew got cute and threw in the following line at the end of the parody:
READY TO BEAM AVI ABOARDwallace@whuts.UUCP (WALLACE) (08/10/87)
(Flame ON...)
I hate to spoil your fun, but the laughter level at this Star Trek parody
at Siggraph was nil and most people were turned off by its inclusion.
At least the Jello talk by Paul Heckbert showed some signs of totally
off-the-wall humor that people could relate to, while yours had too much
"I am a sickeningly, avid trekkie fan..." written all over it.
Paul likes Jell-O (who doesn't), and even though I like
Star Trek (and even worked on the effects for ST IV),
your lenghthy "parody" was still uncomfortably out of place.
Moral: Do your reputation a favor...Don't use it again,
unless your at a trekkie convention.
(...Flame OFF)charlie@celia.UUCP (Charlie Gibson) (08/10/87)
It's difficult enough to find time to see technical sessions when I'm at SIGGRAPH. I hope that we won't have to sit through any more amateurish attempts at "humorous" technical presentations. Save 'em for Friday.