sra@hocda.UUCP (10/24/83)
I remember a request a few weeks ago for the words to the song "Legend Of The U.S.S. Titanic". I was visiting a used record store in Boston yesterday, looking through the "B" folk section, and I happened to see "Remember the Wind and the Rain" by Jaime Brockett. It was in decent shape and only $1.99, so I bought it. This record was issued in 1969 by Capitol and it has been out of print for many years. According to the notes on the cover, Jaime Brockett used to live in Greenwich Village, hitch hiked across the North American continent, and finally settled in Boston. The album contains these ditties: Side 1 Side 2 1. Talking Green Beret 1. Legend Of The U.S.S. Titanic New Super Yellow Hydraulic 2. Suzzane Banana Teeny Bopper Blues 3. One Too Many Mornings 2. Remember The Wind And The 4. Bag On The Table Rain 3. St. Botolph St. Gray Morning Dulcimer Thing 4. Blue Chip 5. Nowadays The album is rather serious folk music except for the first song on each side. These songs were so hilarious that I had to write down the words. The songs are a little hard to understand in some places as he tends to talk very fast when he is rapping, but I tried to get most of them. TALKING GREEN BERET NEW SUPER YELLOW HYDRAULIC BANANA TEENY BOPPER BLUES (outdated but still funny) This is the [repeat song title] and dedicated to people who listen to AM radio Now I been listenin to my radio twenty years or so I heard a lot of singin stars come and go There were The Beatles, Bo Diddley, Fats Domino, Screamin Jay Hawkins, Nancy Sinatra And a whole load of other just fantastically talented people Now the other day it was cold and wet And I was ridin around in Daddy's Corvette And I heard the DJ say "You're about to hear 'The Ballad Of The Green Berets'" I dug it It had a good beat Was easy to dance to I gave it about a seventy-three Now by and by I decided to park And on in the house to watch Dick Clark And I got there in time to hear Dick say "Here's 'The Ballad Of The Green Berets'" Nobody was dancin Marchin around the floor a wavin flags Eatin apple pie Tradin pictures of their mom Kind of a North Vietnamese boogaloo Now I was readin my paper the very next day See what Spiro Agnew had to say Said "If you don't dig 'The Ballad Of The Green Berets' Well then there's only one thing I can say You must be one of them long-haired dope-smokin <something>-readin livin-in-the-common unwashed hippie Marxists" I wrote him a letter Said "Dear Spiro, I dug it Had a good beat Easy to dance to I gave it about a seventy-three Same as your IQ" Went to RCA now that's a fact Asked the man there for a record contract Said "You gotta sing patriotic songs, you bum" Sang "Blowin In The Wind" and "We Shall Overcome" He said "Hey man, those aren't patriotic! Don't you want your songs to be popular?" Said "Sure" So he lit up another cigar and said "Well kid, you gotta write records people can march to, You know, nobody's gonna buy records if they can't march to 'em" I said "Oh yeah? What in hell were they doin in Chicago, friend?" Well I gave up tryin to be a star Figured "Ah, I'll probably never get too far" So I called my girl up today Said "I'm gonna join the Green Berets Be a big star" Gave me a twelve-string rifle Thirty-two caliber autoharp Little short fat man with stripes on his shoulder And a girl scout beanie on his head said "Come here boy, I'm gonna teach you how to kill" =============== THE LEGEND OF THE U.S.S. TITANIC ( There is a warning on the album cover: "Audition before play" original time: 13:28 ) It was back around the turn of the century Back around nineteen hundred and thirteen There was a Negro pugilist His name was Jack Johnson Now old Jack Johnson he was the toughest man in the whole wide world He used to walk around whoppin people upside the head Makin all sorts of money Like I saw old Jack Johnson he was a pugilist He was a pugilist by preference and by profession And one day Old Jack came walkin on down by the pierside He just walkin on down He says "Man I just come walkin on down by the pierside" He says "Ah, hi Jack" He says "Hi man" He says "What ya doin?" He says "I'm just a walkin on down by the pierside and ah ..." He says "What's up?" He says "I gotta gig for you" He says "Got a gig for me?" He says "That's right" He says "Where about?" He says "Over in England" He says "Hmmmm. What am I gonna do over there?" He says "Well you're goin over and whop upside the head And make all sorts of money" Old Jack says "That's groovy baby, that's really groovy. You give me a ticket on the next flight out" He says "Ticket on the next flight out?!? This is nineteen hundred and thirteen Why the Wright brothers haven't even started foolin around with Kitty Hawk yet" He said "Who's she?" First chorus: It was midnight on the sea The band was playin in my <something> Fare the well, Titanic, fare the well Old Jack says "Well how I'm gonna get there, baby?" He says "Oh, I'm gonna show you" And he whips open a newspaper and shows him a picture of the U.S.S. Titanic Folks, she's the world's biggest ship She's made of good wood and good iron They said she's never go down He says "You mean I'm goin over on the boat?" And he says "That's right, baby, you're goin on the boat" He says "Well let's get some tickets" He said "All right" So they headed on down to the ticket taker's place He walks on up to the ticket taker He walks on in He says "Hey man I wanna buy me some tickets" He said "Got red ticket green ticket yellow ticket blue ticket the right kinda ticket you want" He said "I want a red one" He gave him some loot and he laid it on him So here's Old Jack He's got his ticket now He takes everything he owns He wraps it on up in a diaper And he hangs it on a stick over his back And goes headin on down by the pierside He gettin on down by the pierside And his manager's down there by the pierside And there she is, folks, the USS Titanic She's lined up aside 250 parkin meters The captain's gettin done ready to split Cause he run outa dimes Now round this time there was an Italian senator in the state house And all Italian senators have got brothers in construction companies And this one had a brother He owned a construction company And the Titanic she was made of good Italian wood And they say she's never go down So there's Old Jack standin on the bottom He got everything he owns wrapped up in that diaper Hangin on a stick over his back He shakes hands with his manager Goes walkin on up the gangplank The captain's standin all on the top He got up onto the top And the captain look at the ticket He look at the ticket, he look at Jack He look at the ticket, he look at Jack He look at the ticket, he look at Jack He look at the ticket, he look at Jack He look at the ticket He says "Sorry, baby, wrong color" He says "Me or the ticket?" He says "You" Second chorus: Now they wouldn't let Jack Johnson on board They say this ship don't haul no coal Fare the well, Titanic, fare the well repeat first chorus So Jack says "It's all right, baby, it's all right I'm gonna sit right here on the pier And watch you go right on down So the Titanic, she sails on out into the North Sea She's out there floatin around in and out between the iceburgs And Old Jack's standin on the pier I gotta tell you about the people on the Titanic Now, first of all, there's a whole bunch of Jewish people from Miami They're jumpin up and down They're laughin, they're drinkin booze They're tradin wives and Cadillacs and diamonds And havin all sorts of good clean party fun And there was the people are on the boat now Now the people are on the boat They know all about runnin boats They know all about hoistin up landlubbers And battonin down hatches And doin all sorts of other good things Like all good sailors do in their far away seas And there was the captain Now the captain know how to walk like a captain, write like a captain, walk like a captain, talk like a captain, smell like a captain, eat like a captain Do all sorts of captain things And there was the first mate Now I gotta tell you about the first mate Now the first mate He don't know nothin about Jewish parties He don't know nothin about hoistin up landlubbers He don't know nothin about captains He wants to go over to England He wanna play his guitar He wanna run around and chase women And have all sorts of good time Anyway this fellow his sideburns, they're just a little too long He been down to Mexico, he been down to Mexico He been workin in this rope factory down in Mexico Now down in Mexico they make rope outof this funny little hemp plant that grows wild in the ground Some of you people grow it in flowerpots under your bed Anyway, he's down there and he's makin rope out of this funny mar-i-ju-a-na plant And one day the rope factory she catch fire And he run back on in to save his lunch He's got two sardine sandwiches Runnin back on in to save his lunch He gets inside and there's all this funny smoke floatin around up inside And he gets some of this funny smoke up inside his head And he sits down in the middle of the fire And he say "Ssssheeeeet baby I ain't gonna make no more rope!!" So he take everything he own He wrap it on up in a diaper and a napsack too And he headin on down to the Titanic He gets to the Titanic He standin on the bottom walkin on up the gangplank The captain standin on the top The captain says "What you got boy?" he says "I'm comin on" He says "What you got?" He says "Well, I got me 2 changes of BVDs I got me my guitar I got me my address book A pair of socks Four Masked Marvel comic books A tennis racket And 497 1/2 feet of rope" He says "497 1/2 feet of rope?!? Whatta you got that for?" He says "I just carry it" So he says "All right, go on boy, go on boy" And he did repeat first chorus repeat second chorus This brings us up to what's happenin now on the Titanic She's floatin around, in and out between the iceburgs The Jewish people are partyin They're tradin wives and Cadillacs and diamonds They're drinkin booze and havin all sorts of party fun Everybody else is hoistin up landlubbers And battonin down the hatches The first mate he's hangin over the rail He's havin himself a little smoke He's diggin the iceburg Havin himself a little smoke And it's the captain's time to do his thing The captain comes on out Remember I told you about the captain He knows how to walk like a captain Write like a captain, talk like a captain All sorts of captain things He comes on out And he's standin there Now his thing right now is that he's gotta go out and test the wind So he casts his nose up into the north wind And he goes [sniff] [sniff] [sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff] He walks on over to the first mate He says "Hey first mate what's that you're smokin?" He says "That ain't nothin but a lil ol cigarette captain" He says "I don't believe it. Give me a puff." He says "Alright" So the captain takes himself a little puff Nothin happens right away He says "It's alright, it's alright. It's just a cigarette. I'm goin for a walk." And that's what he did, folks He went for a walk He went out walkin around the boat He went walkin toward the wheel house He walked around He walked around the wheel house once He walked around t h e w h e e l h o u s e t w i c e And on the third time around the wheel house The first mate he look on over at the captain And And he say "You want another toke, captain?" And the captain he say "Rrrrrrriiiiiigggghhhhhtttt!!!!!" So this time he's gonna tell the captain a little bit about the smoke that he's smokin He says "Now the idea, captain, the idea is get the smoke way down deep inside your tummy and hold it there Just as long as you can It'll make you feel good all inside" So the captain says "Alright!" He takes himself three big tokes off of that funny little brown weed And he says "I am commencing to hold it in" He walked around the wheel house He went downstairs He laid down He got up He ran into the other room He sent a radiogram He came on back in He took a shower He come out He shaved He laid down He got up again He turned on the television He turned off the radio He played a game of cribbage He read his Masked Marvel comic book He walked in the kitchen He made a cup of tea Made a cup of coffee Sat down Ate a piece of pie Went upstairs Played another game of cribbage Went back in Finished his other Masked Marvel comic book Laid down He had the television, the radio, the egg beater, the air conditioner Everything's all goin at once He walks up on deck And this is fifty-two minutes later And this cat ain't breathed yet! So the first mate see him standin up there on the rail He's all puffed up like a balloon He says "You gotta let it out captain" So the captain he let it all out at once [sound of exhalation] Fallin right down on the wheel house floor He's out cold Oh, this brings us up to what's happenin again, folks The Titanic she's sailin around In between the iceburgs Everybody else is havin parties The Jewish people, they're jumpin up and down They're tradin wives and Cadillacs and diamonds And drinkin booze Everybody else is hoistin up landlubbers, battonin down hatches and doin sail things The first mate's hangin over the rail He's havin himself a little smoke And diggin the iceburgs And the captain's out cold on the wheel house floor repeat first chorus repeat second chorus All of a sudden the captain's eyes popped wide open And stood right up straight Grabs ahold of the wheel Looks on out at the bow of that boat And he say "I'M GONNA MOVE YOU BAAAABEEEEEE!!!!" And he did right on into an iceburg And she went right on down repeat first chorus repeat second chorus That's the true story of the Titanic, folks She went right to the bottom She took with her all the Jewish people All the first mates She took with them the captain She took with them the landlubbers She took with them the Masked Marvel comic books, the tennis racket And 497 1/2 feet of rope Meanwhile back on the state side Old Jack Johnson Why he's standin up on the pier He's fishin away He's got himself a little stick and a line And he gets a tug He pulls it on up It's a big wet blue soggy mess And on the inside and on the line And written in big gold letters is says "USS TITANIC" And stuck right above it was a wet roach That boy was so happy He started doin the eagle rock Up and down that pier like it's goin out of style He comes to the eagle rock Now everybody in for the eagle rock repeat first chorus repeat second chorus Fare the well, Titanic Goin down ==================== Scott Abbot mvuxb!sa or hocda!sra