jax@sri-unix (11/13/82)
VETERAN'S DAY, 11/11/82 *** I can't helped but be moved by the visibility of the Viet Nam veteran this year. As a survivor of that mess, I have mixed emotions. Basically, I just wish the whole thing would just go away. However, there are 57,939 names etched in black marble to remind me that some of my buddies do not have the opportunity to express any feelings, pro or con. Hey, I lived with some of those guys. I carried some of them out in plastic bags, and lifted a beer in their memory back at the base camp. I've forgotten the names, but not the feelings. I've hurt, struggled, and sometimes wondered what I'm doing here; but, at least my name isn't inscribed up there with them. Oddly enough, I don't personally know very many Viet Nam veterans. Generally, we are not very visible, tending to suppress the fact and not anxious to discuss the matter. I'm curious about how many of us ended up in this industry, why, and how? This network has been used to discuss such important matters as Big Macs and singles bars, I wonder if it is appropriate to open discussions on matters stemming from participation in an unpopular war. Topics might include: THE MEMORIAL TO THE VIET NAM DEAD - Wow! How do you feel about this? What about the names you know for sure are up there, the guys you fought beside or watched buy it. Even more unnerving is the realization that a bunch of the guys you left there and never heard from again, could very easily turn up listed on this memorial. And to top all of this soul searching pain, the memorial itself is "controversial"; created by a "gook" (actually Chinese), and argued about with regards to the placement of the Flag and Statue (sort of reminds you of the arguments about the shape of the table during the Viet Nam "Peace" talks). One of the few survivors I know lives back East and is making the trip. Being out here on the West Coast, I have a reasonable excuse for not going. But I don't know if I would if I could. I honestly don't know how I would react. I sometimes wonder if my name is there and I don't know about it (the Army does have a tendency to mess up records). DELAYED STRESS SYNDROME - Does it ever bother you? Do you have periods of depression about the war? Nightmares? Do you ever ask yourself "what difference does it make that I made it out?" Do you ever experience flashbacks? Loud noises bother you? The sound of Choppers? Barren terrain? TECHNOLOGY AND THE FUTURE - Technology has advanced a decade since that war, but it is unclear whether or not Man has advanced at all. Even the toys are more devastating with George Peppard touting the "Total Destruction of a Planet" as a feature on one of the home video games! We're creating a generation of people for which "Puff the Magic Dragon" (God, remember Puff?) is an electronic extension of a destructive will. Zap, Zap, you're dead. Tracer ammunition is embodied in the ersatz "laser rays" presented on your home TV screen. Nuclear holocaust is a prelude to presenting the final score (remember body counts!?!). And we are reminded every day that the destruction that can be imagined, can be implemented, even accidently? Remember B. McGuire's "Eve of Destruction" circa 1965. I'm enough of a technocrat to believe that technology has to be at least part of the solution, but that doesn't allay the fear. And, if nothing else, the Viet Nam experience taught me that no one is inexpendable, and there are no bounds to Man's inhumanity to Man. IN CLOSING - I am not ashamed of my actions in Viet Nam, but I am not necessarily proud either. I was young (20) and uninformed, but so were a bunch of those 57,939. I have problems sometimes, but I muddle through. The desire to get out of the Army got me into college. The lack of other alternatives (there isn't much call for Airborne Personnel Detectors, or Chemical Warfare Specialists) kept me in school collecting the GI Bill (all $200/month). And the education I received, hopefully, will allow me to contribute (positively) to the technology as well as make a living. It sure beats burning sh*t. Somewhat reticent to sign my name, Jack Inman formerly of HHQ (Chemical) 4th Infantry Division Pleiku, RVN (Jul 1968 - Jul 1969) .jax