rob@ctvax.UUCP (01/13/84)
#N:ctvax:38900001:000:3091 ctvax!rob Jan 11 12:50:00 1984 For the benefit of all those people who do not have access to the Friday December 23rd issue of the Dallas Times Herald, here is (verbatim) Joe Bob Briggs' Best of '83 Drive-in Movie List ----------------------------------------------- 1. "The Evil Dead" : Spam in a cabin. 2. "Revenge of the Ninja" : Every kind of kung fu known to man. 3. "Deathstalker" : starring Barbi Benton's upper torso and a Miles O'Keefe look-alike who goes around throwing spears through people. 4. "Christine" : starring a motor vehicle possessed by the devil. 5. "Screwballs" : most imaginative use of female breasts; best Porky's rip-off. 6. "Pieces" : includes both kinds. 7. "Hell's Angels Forever" : best documentary; best on-camera use of a balpine hammer. 8. "Stryker" : best "Road Warrior" rip-off and all-time body count champion (93). 9. "Sudden Impact" : Dirty Harry blows away scum with a .44. 10. "Bloodsucking Freaks" : gore and perversion extravaganza. 11. "The Concrete Jungle" : best bimbos-in-cages. 12. "Wavelength" : best bald-headed space baby flick. 13. "Eagle's Shadow" : Jacky Chan kicking heads in Hong Kong. 14. "10 to Midnight" : best Chuck Bronson-sweeps-the-scum-off-the- street flick. 15. "Chained Heat" : bimbos-behind-bars. 16. "Losin' It" : Bordertown garbonzas and studs in heat. 17. "1990 The Bronx Warriors" : Vic Morrow's last drive-in flick, about bikers and punkolas who take over the Bronx. 18. "High Test Girls" : all-time garbonza champion. 19. "Yor" : best title. 20. "The House on Sorority Row": psycho making meat salad with college girls. 21. "Madman" : killer-creep-psycho teenagers-in-peril splatter movie. 22. "Incubus" : best invisible-demon-rapist flick of '83. 23. "The Boogey Man" : best "Poltergeist" ripoff to date. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- NO, I won't post Joe Bob's Drive-in Movie review every Friday. 1) Life is too short. 2) I type too sloooowly. 3) There are copyright laws. Joe Bob's address is: Joe Bob Briggs Movie Critic of Rockwall, Tex. Living Dept. Dallas Times Herald 1101 Pacific Dallas, Tex. 75202 Watch out for Joe Bob's book "Joe Bob's Guide to Western Civilization", due out in '84. "Well, do you feel lucky, punk?" Rob Spray ...decvax!cornell!ctvax!rob rob.ct@rand-relay