gs@mit-eddie.UUCP (Gordon Strong) (08/17/84)
The subject means that I will use language that offends easily
offended people. Since RH didn't say much about it, I will give
some ***SPOILERS***
First thing that stuck me is that for a PG movie we sure got to
see a lot of Tanya Robert's tits. Several shots which were,
umm... lingering... I can't blame them for doing this, since
her body is the best thing about this movie. Several people
died bloodily (the best was a spear through a throat). I guess
you have to say "fuck" or show lingering genitailia shots to
get an R rating. They did say "shit". Interesting, that rating
system.
The script is horrid, the acting is stiff, and the direction was
uninspired. Consider this plot: a hip, street-talking prince
of an African nation has his brother, the king, murdered because
he wants to drive some natives off of some mineral rich land.
Not too bad, you say? Well, this prince happens to be an NFL
star place-kicker. Two American sports reporters are on the
scence of the murder (at a banquet) because the prince is going
to attempt to kick a field goal with the king doing the place
holding. This never happens because the king takes a crossbow
bolt in the chest. The prince sets up the native shaman, an
old woman, to appear to be the murderer. I thought arrows and
crossbow bolts were different things (at least they are in rogue).
They brought her in holding a bow. The new King has the old
crone locked up. Sheena and her friends (a random collection
of wild beasts, summonned Aqua-Man style) attack the jail and
free her, but she buys the farm anyhow. The reporters just
happened to be there because they had taken some film at the
banquet which showed a clear shot of the crossbow in the tree.
Nice shot, huh? They were at the jail to interview the woman,
but seeing Sheena, they go after here into the jungle. The
prince sends his men after them. The rest of the movie is
more or less a chase scene which predictable results. The
good guys manage to beat the bad guys at the end by enlisting
the aid of more beasts (at least they weren't Ewoks). One
of the reporters and Sheena had travelled though all this
together and had developed a close relationship. So, at the
end, with all the bad guys meeting their maker and the jungle
safe for the natives, what does the reporter do? He leaves!
Sort of disappointing. At least it could have had a happy
ending, but no. Sheena is left as before, to roam the jungle
lands to protect the native people. It is much worse to
see than to describe.
It runs about 2 hours, is rated PG (but would probably be a
PG-13 by the new system), and is quickly forgettable. I
wish Tanya Roberts would get some decent roles. She is
gorgeous and with direction could be a much better actress.
She will soon have to shake the beast-film genre classification
just as Jamie Lee Curtis had to shake the horror-film stigma.
I'm glad I didn't have to pay to see it. Take your money
and see "Revenge of the Nerds" for a good comedy flick or
"Red Dawn" for a good drama/adventure flick. They are both
much better. Wait for Playboy to come out with more pictures
of Tanya if that is all you want to see. It is cheaper and
a better investment.
Gordon Strong
{decvax!genrad, ihnp4}!mit-eddie!gs
GS@MIT-XX